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Thursday, March 31, 2011

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

   It's finally here ladies and gents, after slogging through the mess of football, hockey and the seemingly never ending basketball season, baseball is back.2,430 games, 7 months of the greatest game of all time. Opening day should be a national holiday, everyone gets off from work, and just celebrates one of the greatest days we have as Americans. Granted it's totally shitty weather, at least here in New York, and the games are all stunted, but MLB tried. I feel like there should be games on all day, but I'll take the 6 games we've got. As I'm clearly partial to the Yankees, lets start off with them-
Yankees vs. Tigers- It's Sabbathia vs. Verlander. The Tigers beefed up with Victor Martinez over the offseason, and a lot of people are predicting them to take the AL Central, they're a solid team and it should be an excellent game, it's always a good day when the Big Man is on the mound, and Verlander has Cy Young stuff. The Yankees have a better offense, but it'll be interesting to see the confident, re-worked lineup of the Tigers, I'm saying the Yankees win this one.
Braves vs. Nationals- It's Derek Lowe vs. Livan Hernandez. A lot of people think Derek Lowe is losing his stuff, but he was clutch for the Braves last year. Hernandez has a career 4.39 ERA and isn't exactly lights-out, but with Strasburg hurt the Nat's don't really have anyone else to start on opening day. The Braves are a perennial powerhouse, and have a great team this year. The Nationals are a hungry team, and with the addition of Jayson Werth they're looking to be a new team, not the cellar-dwellers they have been. Plus Werth has to prove that 10 trillion dollar contract was "Werth" it (get it! get it?!) or if his homeless guy beard has lost its magic.I've got the Braves here, the Nat's are on their way up, but are a long way from being a contending team.
Brewers vs. Reds- Yovani Gallardo and Edinson Volquez. The Reds tasted real success for the first time in a while last season, on a lineup led by the only guy more boring than Mark Teixiera, Joey Votto. He's literally dull as dirt but but he crushes the ball. The Brewers revamped over the offseason as well, grabbing Zack Grienke, who pumps himself full of Zoloft before every start, and Shaun Marcum, a solid starter who spent time with the Blue Jays, and they've got Ryan Braun in that lineup, one of the best players in baseball today. I still think it's going to be the Reds here.
Angels vs. Royals-Jered Weaver and Luke Hochevar. The Royals are just not good. I mean really not good. They have a ton of young guys coming up who might change that, but expect them to remain garbage this year. Hochevar is a new guy who has a ton of potential, so expect good things from him at least this season. Weaver is a classic, and even though the Angels didn't do too much this offseason, expect them to be pretty potent offensively. Again, the Royals don't have much going for them, so just ignore them. Definitely a win for the Angels today.
Padres vs. Cardinals- Stauffer vs. Carpenter. I've never even heard of this Stauffer guy, but the Padres are an up and coming team this season, with a ton of potential. Losing Adrian Gonzalez is a big blow for the Padres but they're hungry. The Cardinals are going through some shit this season, with Wainwright out for the season and all these Pujols contract troubles, but expect good things from Pujols. He's playing for money he deserves anyways, but he is going to EXPLODE this season, as good as he is, expect him to even better. It's not gonna be the Cardinals best season ever, but I'm saying they win this game.
Giants vs. Dodgers- Lincecum against Kershaw. This is an awesome pitching matchup. Lincecum is gonna be burning joints in the clubhouse before game time, eating 3 tons of In 'n' Out Burger, and then come out and pitch nastily. Kershaw is fucking lights out, so this game is going to come down to pitching. The Giants are aiming for a repeat with their gaggle of misfits. The Dodgers aren't a huge power, but they do have some solid pitching, and are gunning for control of the NL West. Expect the Giants to win today, still riding high (literally) after last season.
Enjoy your opening day everyone, and feel free to give me shit for these predictions.

The Batman, The Douche, and the any photo I am in, basically The Good the bad the Ugly , Its a working title

Today was the last day of spring training and with that came cuts, demotions, promotions, random stories that could warm the cockles of your heart.

The Batman( GOOD)-This is a great story to hear. The San Francisco Giants , Last Years world champions, this team is looking to repeat and looking for more ad space with their cast of characters weather its Buster Posey who happens to be the first 12 year old to play in the majors, Tim Lincecum who is working on his strike outs this season, Kung Fu Panda has dropped a shit load of weight ( which is great for him its always nice to hear a fellow fat guy getting in shape so he can fuck up those skinny mofo's ) and there might be some one else on that team that makes news but I honestly cant put a finger on it . Either way back to the point, Since Cody Ross former cabbage Patch doll and last years World Series hero will start on the Dl due to a messed up leg, opened up room for rookie 1st basemen Brandon Belt. He is a highly touted rookie with a tremendous future. But what makes this story so good and why It caught my attention is that when he received the news that he had made the big club . He cried a little . Yes, its funny to hear that a big league ball player cried, it almost reminds me of that scene from "Tommy Boy" where David Spade tells Chris Farley that they hit their quote and Farley said " I'm So happy ! ". But this is a kid, a kid who probably was in his back yard when he was 5 or 6 with a parent pretending that he was a big league player. So to hear that he got emotional is great usually baseball players are like walking comatose patients spouting off cliches like it's the only thing they know. Just imagine you work hard your whole life and you get to live your dream. Good for you kid I hope you do good , also David Eckstien the only member of the All jewish team who is not Jewish is donating his kidney to a member of his family.

The Douche (BAD) - Before the new season can begin. The final list of injuries was updated and let me tell you something . Holy Shit there are so many good players that are on this list. Anyone who had their fantasy draft before sunday must be rocking back and forth in their padded room. Oh yeah, in Douche bag news . Role Models Rodger Clemens and Barry Bonds respective trails are absolutely insane. First in the Rockets case: Brian Macnamee doesn't think he is a rat. Now this I don't really understand.
How can you name a guy who's made you rich beyond your wildest to the feds during the mitchell report, keep his used needles ,tissues or condoms what ever he kept and also sell out Andy Pettitte. Who did it once to get back from an injury that could of prematurely ended his career and not think your a rat plus you look like <--this. Don't get me wrong Clemens isn't my favorite player in fact I despise him . I bet he would despise me too and I think he has ruined everything he "worked" for. But now that clown show is gonna get even better when that moron takes the stand and tries to control his anger and clear his name. In impossible to prove news . Barry bonds keeps to his idiotic story of " I didn't know what I was taking for 10 years.". I 'm sorry, I know its been a long time since I have been to the doctor but from what I do remember and it is vague . When the Doctor said "Ok I'm gonna inject this shit in to you." I start to get a little enquizitive ( triple word score bitches). Barry Bonds is a smart guy don't let his muppet voice fool you . He got the fuck on out of pittsburg before that ship caught fire, and sunk in to those 3 rivers and he waited to have a big home run season when after Big Mac and Sammy Sosa were like my jump shot.... A non factor, So he could capitalize on being the only story in the game. ARRRRRRGGGHHH these stories piss me off to no end.

The Any photo I am in ( Ugly) - When you hear the bad you automatically start hearing "Meet the Mets" in your head. Today was no exception. To be fair it wasn't in anything like how Jason Bay is hurt, or Beltran is still thinking he is gonna play on opening day and he'll be a "team guy" during his walk year. Or really about anyone that means anything to the Mets. It was a Headline of a press release by Adam Rubin , who does amazing work for Espn New York. This head line really just felt like a kick in the nuts (no offense ) to anyone who read it. " Mets release Cancer survivor Garcia". Come On Rubin that was rough . It makes the Mets sound cold and heartless. The Kid is a 25 year old and the back story of this guy before his release was just a cluster-fuck of head shaking moments. A few springs ago he bulked up by 15 pounds like most young ball players do so that they can compete with the top guys. Then he tested positive for HcG ( Human chorionic gonadotropin. So he got a 50 day suspension but when the wheels fall they fall hard , thats how he found out he had cancer . You can read more in the article by Adam Rubin which he wrote on 3/21/2011. This was just ugly, I am glad he got better. Just Poor choice of words bro.

OH yeah I totally forgot. Luis Castillo who was supposed to just ape shit against the Mets this year with the Phillies . Yeah he got cut. Looks like on a team of Sluggers and Assholes , a switch hitting slap hitter with Balky knees and a a keen sense of wristbands just doesn't fit in.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

A 7-day D.L For head injuries .... Its about time .

News came down yesterday from the head offices of the M.L.B that they will be instituting a new 7-day Dl for head injuries. This finally comes after years of players banging their brains around trying to earn that dollar. Players would destroy their careers with undiagnosed head injuries. Players would go months or years without getting examined. It would lead to even worse injuries years later . This link to Real sports with Bryant Gumble has an entire expose about the seriousness of this situation .

A story I want to bring up takes place back in 2008. The Mets acquired outfielder Ryan Church from the Washington Nationals along with catcher Brian Schinder ( Or M.d and my friend Breggie, they look alike ) For once highly touted prospect and High five enthusiast Lastings Milledge. Spring Training began and with in two weeks Ryan and former major leaguer Marlon Anderson collided in the danger triangle ( When the 1st basemen,2nd basemen, and Right Field all go after a short pop up behind the first base bag)
He had a minor concussion and sat for at least 2 week because it was spring so it wasn't that big of a deal for him to miss time. He came back and the regular season started. He was the brightest star on the Mets and would of made his first All star game but during a late may game against the Atlanta Braves he slid in hard to break up a double play. As he did his head crashed into the middle infielders knee. Causing him to hit the the ground face first . It is hard to watch . He was sent to an Atlanta hospital for tests and was later released . At that point you would think he would be taken care of right away , but for some reason he wasn't put on the Dl imeditaly instead they flew him out to San Fransisco and played a few times during the west cost trip . You can tell by hearing interviews he had done over that time you could tell something was wrong. He had a tremendous down fall and was never the same player again. He drew some unfair criticism from members of the New York media, Fan base, and even his manager. It pretty much doomed his tenure as a Met. He was Traded to Atlanta ironically the next year. The Mets the next year and since then have been extremely diligent with injuries.

As a former high school baseball bench player ( I know its not the same as a pro ball player). We are told to do whatever it takes to help the team whenever we get into the game . That means the simple sacrifice hit/bunt, be a decoy runner( basically draw the throw so the runner on third can score either start a run down or steal 2nd) and then came the dangerous. Take a pitch , hard slide into second and breaking up a double play . For me breaking up a double play was my thing. I was 6'2 and 235lbs in my senior year so if I got into the game as a pinch runner I knew what I had to do. I took my knocks with playing 115% all the time. When I got to play I would use my size to my advantage . If anyone wanted to take third base when I was playing they would have to run through me, I would also lean in to pitches to get on base during close games, and since I was big and on a few teams that I played for I was a target for pitches to establish their dominance ( when you're a 16 year old kid and someone throws at your head, you know you've arrived ). I'll be honest I got knocked out a few times and maybe I should have said something but my teenaged ego got in the way. So to hear that the MLB is going to take an aggressive step to protect their players bring me a great sense of pride. This of course will be in place in the minors and will go down to the colleges, high schools and little leagues. Head injuries are finally being taken more seriously and the game will be safer.

Oakland A's - Team to beat in the AL West

  I'm declaring it right now, the Oakland A's are the team to beat in the AL West this year, and my word is just about law. The AL West usually seems to be wide open as it is, now that the Angels are irrelevant, and it's Oakland's time. The Rangers making it all the way to the World Series last year was a one time thing, especially considering they lost their ace when Cliff Lee went to Philly and a team that's always bragging about clubhouse unity has 2 starting third basemen, one of whom clearly hates his current franchise. Josh Hamilton, everyone's favorite success story, despite winning MVP last season, is not nearly as good as he gets credit for. I understand he was a super meth head and now he's clean, but is anyone else over that story? He's constantly hurt, rarely playing a full season and the last really cool thing he did was 2008 Home Run Derby, since then he's been coasting off of a good back story and average talent.Boom! Roasted!
    The A's are the scrappy young upstarts you always seem to hear about in sports, a hungry team full of young talented guys. Their starting rotation is full of young guys ready to prove themselves who started showing flashes of greatness last year, such as Trevor Cahill's 18 wins, Gio Gonzalez's 171 strikeouts, and that douche Dallas Braden's perfect game. A team 3.56 ERA had them in first place in the American League, 4th in all of baseball. Pretty fucking solid for a team where the pitching staff has an average age of about 25. Their bullpen is sold as well, boasting the always almost great Andrew Bailey, who pitches to an excellent ERA but tends to get injured. If he, along with the rest of the staff can remain healthy? The A's could easily post a league best ERA again.

The A's also have solid defensive and offensive potential on the field this season, Kurt Suzuki, the catcher is just waiting to have a breakout season. He's a hugely talented player with good speed, a solid bat and despite the inevitable shitty car jokes, he's primed to become a household name. Kevin Kouzmanoff at third base is also primed for a breakout, years of consistent production from him make him a solid player. Coco Crisp, the most delicious name in baseball is perched on the edge of a bounce back year, and if he has it, the A's offense and defense changes dramatically. Ryan Sweeney is one of my favorite players, hes not a power hitter, but for a young player is .294 batting average is a sign of good things to come. Also, and how the fuck can you beat this...they got Matsui. Godzilla is going to be crushing baseball's and hobbling around on the worlds rustiest knees.

   They open the season tomorrow against the God-awful Seattle Mariners, but are up against Felix Hernandez who besides Ichiro, is the only good thing the Mariners have going for it. You heard it here first folks, the Oakland A's are the team to beat in the AL West.
P.S. Holy fucking shit, opening day is tomorrow. My Paul O'Neill jersey is primed and ready to go.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Best Marketing Strategy Ever?

Stolen From Here:  So the beat (Or should I say beej?) goes on for the M-E-T-S Mets of New York Town. Just fantastic marketing. "The Mr. Met BJ Club", all around brilliance. I wonder if this was some leftover idea from the utter incompetence that was the Minaya regime, or some clever young intern pulling a prank? Either way, definitely a great way to put some asses in the seats for what everyone is admitting will be a weak year for the Mets. I just can't believe a room full of educated adults didn't pick up on the fact that the "Mr. Met BJ Club" just might make their organization a laughingstock. Is it because no one in the Mets organization has gotten a BJ since Paul LoDuca left? The world may never know.
      In other ridiculous news, Evan Longoria allegedly had an AK-47 assault rifle stolen from the house he shares with Reid Brignac and David Price. Well, if you ever wondered what two AL East powerhouses and an OK player did in the offseason, apparently they live together like baseball's version of Three's Company and shoot AK's all day.
   Not too pick too much on the good ol Mets, but the Jason Bay albatross is flying high. He's now expected to start the season on the DL due to "left rib discomfort". Last year had a promising start for Bay, but a concussion on his part and the Met's fear of killing another player like they did to Ryan Church led to him sitting around and collecting paychecks for the rest of last season. The Met's need every healthy player they can get, so this is Bad News Bears go to Japan for them.(
    Does anyone else feel bad for Ramiro Pena? Being an infielder in the Yankee's minor leagues must be awful. What must be even worse is getting called up to spot start with the team for two years, winning a World Series and then getting sent right back down for Eric Chavez. Not to take away from the awesome spring Chavez has had, but would you ever consider him a threat to your backup infielder job? Gotta be heartbreaking.
   And I know who Marla Hooch is, but the sleeper pick that is Michael "Squints" Palladoris is the kind of thing that makes me a fantasy baseball champion.
T-2 Days until Opening Day.

" Me and my boy Frankie Liriano, V-mart, and Ol' Mikey Cuddyer are gonna go grab 10 cent hugiee juices at the bodega ." fantasy draft outcome

On a cool and sunny sunday afternoon as the sun was setting in the high march sky a group of really cool guys all came into my house sat on my couch and shit in my bathroom completed the 3rd ever V.S.F.B.L Fantasy Draft. As I sat in my official Commissioner chair (My dad's wheel chair) I uttered the 6 words that for 6 months will turn 12 people in to giant stat dorks and have conversations that no body cares about " Lets Start this Fucking Draft Already !". As those words were spoken for the world to hear, Girls everywhere received an internal message that we are all super cool and awesome a.k.a Nerds.
All 25 rounds were heavy with insults, goofy nicknames, curse words and phantom picks ( where someone will say one guys name and realize they were already drafted). Each fantasy manager deployed their own way of battle plan. Psychologically breaking down their opponent so that they can sneak out and draft a hidden star, a sleeper pick or a highly touted rookie. By round 20 most of those draft surgeons were just throwing out names that they remembered from Watching the Mlb network at 3am after a night of drinking.

The drafting order went as following, I'll use First names ,team names, And first round picks. 1-Joey (BackToBack)= Albert Pujols , 2-Chris ( Bones Tones)= Hanley Ramirez 3-Me (The MorganFreemans)=Roy Halladay 4- M.D ( The Great Hambinos)=Robinson Cano, 5-Rob(Jerry Piazzia31)=Carl Crawford, 6 Joe (joeye)= Joey Votto 7, Chester( Los culos gigantes)= Adrian Gonzalez, 8 Mikey ( Buster Cherry)= Evan Longoria , 9 Jimmy ( TheBlueberry Strudel)= David Wright, 10 Jack (pop That pussy)= Miguel Cabrera, 11 Mike( SheDougitwhenIFister)= Troy Tulowitski and 12 Kieth ( Explosive Renteria)= Ryan Braun

Basically this was an exercise in futility for 10 guys. We all know that My Brother Jimmy and I are going to be in the championship game. I have to say he had the one best draft of anyone that day or ever and I am going to be good because I have great pitching, great hitters, great defenders and I am super smart. So M.D and everyone else can suck it Check out our teams in comparison

The Morgan FreeMans
1b- Ryan Howard, Phi
2b- Neil Walker,Pitts
3b- Chris Johnson, Hou (sleeper )
ss- Starlin Castro- Chc
Of- Mike Stanton-Fla
Of - Adam Jones- Bal
Of - Torii Hunter-LAA (my dude from last year)
C- Mike Nappoli -Tex ( 25+ in La = 54 in Tex)
Utli- Kia Ka'aihue - K.C, 1b( Rookie Sleeper)
Bench- 2b Brain Robers Bal, OF Travis Snider Tor, Of Franklin Gutierrez-Sea, Of Nick Markakis Bal

Sp- Roy Halladay-Phi
Sp- Jon Lester-Bos
Rp - Mariano Riveria-NYY
Rp Carlos Marmol- Chc
P- Chris Carpenter-StL
P- Mat Latos- Sd
P- Fernando Rodney-LAA
p -Bret Cecil-Tor
p Nick Blackburn - Min
p-Ricky Romero-Tor
p- Michael Pineda-Sea ( Rookie )
p- Chris Capuano- NYM ( I had to have one)

The Great Hambinos
1b- Prince Fielder-Mil
2b-Robinson Cano-NYY
3b-Adrian Beltre-Tex
ss- Derek Jeter-NYY
Of-Austin Jackson-Det
Of- Hunter Pence-Hou
of Chirs Coughlin- Fla ( hopefully he doesn't blow his knee out by hitting someone in the face with shaving cream..Again)
c- Carlos Ruiz- Phi
Uti- James Loney- LAD
bench- Of Corey Hart-MIl, Of Denard Span-Min, 2b/ss Brendan Ryan-Sea, 3b Brandon Inge-Det, 1b,Of Brennan Boesch-Det, Of Matt Joyce-Tb

Sp- C.C Sabathia- NYY
Sp- Roy Oswalt- Phi
Rp- Andrew Bailey- Oak
Rp- Aroldis Chapman- Cin
P-Trevor Cahill-Oak( M.D's boy and a half)
P- Matt Garza- Chc
P- Ivan Nova -NYY

Offense- Tie, Defense - M.D hands down, Starting Pitching - Me hands down, relief pitching - Me , and bench-Tie M.D has an offensive bench I have a pitching bench so we have to wait for the season to start . But his team is a Joke. My team is like the Er at the Jersey Shore full of Sick Playas .. But without the herpes .

"Fragile? Must be Italian!"... Nope its just the New York Yankees

I don't know what it is but every signing and every player who has had an injury for the Yankees this spring, makes me feel so uncomfortable. Why would a team who can out bid an entire country play it small this off season. They lost out on Lee and Crawford , they were serious about bringing Lance Berkman back , they got in to a Facebook comment battle like 16 year olds with Nolan Ryan over Andy Pettitte who just said Fuck it I'm just gonna chill balls in Texas.

They started off with a bang and signed the Paul LoDuca clone with more power in Russell Martin , Then they shocked the world by giving Mark Prior an invite to Tampa. I am not even going to talk about the media debacle the Jeter signing ( There were Yankees Fans that were scared that he would go some where else. Who would want a 38 year old SS who's power is going down and honestly not as good as he once was. That didn't stop M.D from taking him in the fifth round missing out on His dude Justin "The Concussion" Mourneo. ) After the dust settled the yankees set their eyes on Mets lefty work horse Pedro Felicano needless to say they can have him. I have a feeling that he was holding the Mets back with being too good out of the bullpen. And Finally they signed the group of Chavez, Colon, Garcia, Belliard ,Ayala, and Jones. There are more question marks in the that group then the Riddlers costume.

So this is where I am supposed to rub it in. I am supposed to go on about how good Chris young, Chris Capuano , Jason Isringhausen , Blaine Boyer , Willie Harris and the other New Mets have done this spring. So.... HOLY CRAP THEY ARE SOOOOOOOO GOOD!! There now thats out of the way I can actually tell you why the Yankees are Terrifying. All of their signings except for Pedro Felicano and Luis Ayala have been all stars , they are all guys looking to make a big come back and its possible because its baseball. Anything can happen. Im watching them play Detroit on Espn and they just showed Gracia's highlights and he has more break on his slider then Pedro Martinez. Also Mark Prior has a 1.18 or something that low era.
You will try to tell me to relax, you tell me "Like you said its baseball anything can happen. They could not be as good as your think." At that point I'll look you right in the eye as I punch you in the face . When has anything really blown up in the Yankees face? Jason Giambi hit like 35 homers , ok Carl Pavano but that was a con job. If those guys don't live up to the expectations that are put forth by the fans and the media they have amazing minor league talent. Basically the Yankees are a collection of "movie monsters" You think you shouldn't be scared of them because they have obvious holes a problems and they real don't look that good , basically human but it wont stop you from waking up in the middle of the night after LeatherFace and Jason try to cut your face off.

P.S-Marla Hooch was the second Base-woman for the Rockford Peaches thats why she is starting.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Yankees starting rotation named, just not very exciting.

     So say what you will about old news, but I like my weekends off. Over the weekend most of the MLB set up their final lineups/rotations/etc., including the Yankees. Ivan Nova and Freddy Garcia as their 4 and 5 starters. It could be worse. Colon is going to spend the season in the bullpen, making calls to Domino's like some kind of Met and rolling out like a vaguely talented bowling ball. I'm kind of psyched to see Nova with like a half hour of Major League experience refusing to back down from the likes of Jose Bautista midway through a season where he murdered baseballs. Freddy Garcia is actually pretty good, and probably more likely to succeed than Colon, but also far less interesting of a story, so I'm going to leave it with something like "Freddy Garcia will be an OK fifth starter for the Yankees, not good, not bad, just OK."
     Far more entertaining is this Jose Canseco switcheroo involving his brother.I've always wanted to be a twin so I could pull shit like this. Going to my twins classes, switching girlfriends, blaming shit on him, it would be wonderful. The ultimate coup? Being able to send my twin brother to get his ass kicked when I ran my mouth a little too much. This isn't exactly what happened to the Canseco brothers, Jose just got lazy, or had some more careers to ruin, and sent good old Ozzie Canseco to fight some celebrity thing he had going on. He only got caught because not only does Ozzie have no neck, he is also lacking the lame tattoos that Jose has. Either way, they are clearly both idiots, but it's well worth it to see that Canseco (either one) is still running around doing ridiculous shit.
    On a final note, serious Bryan McCormick? Seriously? Marla fucking Hooch as your starting Second Basemen? I'm all about women playing baseball, A League of their Own is one of the best movies ever, but Marla Hooch? You can do better than that.
    P.S. Drafted my fantasy team this weekend...killing it. Bring it nerds, The Great Hambino's are destined for a repeat.

10 hours of work+ a bold Idea = a 20 player roster of the best fictional baseball players

One of the best things about Hockey season is when the movie channels, and the superstations play all my favorite baseball movies to make me forget how many long and cold winter months until first pitch. So today while approaching my 6th hour of work an idea hit me like Nicholas Cage dressed like a bear in "Wicker Man". Why don't I make a list of the best players from the movies that I've seen ? Your probably wondering what kind of job do I have that I can neglect my responsibilities and make this list, well I have the best job . So here is the Roster, it is listed in a batting order .

1. Willie Mayes Hayes - Cf ( Major leagues 1 )-Plays like Mayes runs like Hayes
2. Lou Collins-1b ( Little Big League)-Lefty bat and all around good guy , nailing the owners mom, but thats what busted his slump.
3. Crash Davis-c (Bull Durham)All time Carolina League Home Run king , plus he is a veteran behind the plate and he knows the difference between a good and bad call .
4. Dottie Hinson - Dh(A League of Their Own) come on how couldn't I have her bat clean up Lead the Rockford Peaches to the World Series . Thats leadership.
5. Roy Hobbs( The Natural )Lf - WonderBoy... Pick Me out a winner Bobby .
6. Pedro Cerrano - Rf - Now that he found his marbles he can hit the curve ball.
7. Marla Hooch( A League of their own)-2b, What a hitter !
8. Roger Dorn-(Major Leagues 1-3)3b I don't really have a good one for this but he makes the cut.
9. Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez ( The Sandlot) SS - He rounds out the order with power speed and the ability to play everywhere . Always thinking of his teammates even though one might be an L-7 wienie . They didn't have the scene where he bust the guts out of the ball... Sad.

Starting Pitchers
1-Ebby Calvin "Nuke" LaLoosh (Bull Durham)-As he learns his cliches he's wants to announce his presence with authority
2- Steve Nebraska ( The Scout)- He's King Kong
3-Mel Clark( Angels in the Out Field)- He used to be Mel Clark.
4-Chet Stedman (Rookie of the Year)-He pitches from his Haveto
5-Ryan Dunn-(Summer Catch) - Yes I saw this movie , what can I say I like Jessica Biel and I needed a lefty to round out the rotation

Closer- Henry Rowengarten- Rosenbagger, Hasenpfeffer doesn't matter he makes hitters say Funky ButtLovin
Set up - Ricky "Wild Thing" Vaughn- Wild Thing lost some Mph on his eliminator,plus all that other stuff thats been going on
Relief-Kenny DeNunez- Like I said before Youtube broke my heart with the lack of good Sandlot clips.

Inf- Doris Murphy , Of-Mae Mordabito-( League of their own)-These two ladies add to the bench with their tough talk and intangibles. I actually blanked on what I was gonna say so I gave them a real scouting report.

That was a lot longer then I thought. If you stuck it out to the end thanks I know its a lot. Oh before I go , we all knew this link was going to be in here somewhere.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Best thing to happen to the Yankee's rotation since Whitey Ford?

Much like the seemingly hundreds of game winning home runs he has given up, Sergio Mitre is out of here. The Yankees own version of Oliver Perez, is finally fucking gone. No more holding my breath in fear while he's on the mound, no more throwing things every time I see his useless ass running in from the bullpen, it's over. I could not be any happier, the fact that Mitre even survived on the Yankees for 2 years if mind boggling. I cannot name one good start or relief appearance he ever had, I'm sure they were out there, but all I can recall is last years ALCS, when Mitre threw batting practice to the Rangers and ruined everyone's week. Anyway, the Yankees fleeced the Milwaukee Brewers, shipping Mitre to them for outfielder Chris Dickerson. Dickerson isn't exactly an All-Star, but the Yankees drafted him in 2000, so they must have seen something from him back then, and honestly, as a Yankee fan, I would have taken anyone, and I mean anyone (except maybe Oliver Perez) just to get rid of Mitre. He should have been outright dropped over the offseason, he is just terrible.
    The Brewers clearly signed Mitre to help with their rotation problems since Grienke is on the DL and Marcum is on his way to getting hurt,and good luck to them. Inserting Mitre will not help, whether as a starter or long reliever, so the Yank's clearly got the best of this deal. Dickerson has a .271 career batting average and made a few nice plays in the outfield last season, so even though the Yankees aren't desperate for an outfielder (unless Swisher's foot thing is more serious than it appeared?) but he'll fit in nicely.
   In other Yankee news, they signed Kevin Millwood to a minor league deal today. How does that feel Mitre? Kevin Fucking Millwood, American League loss king, is going to get the spot you didn't think you should have to try out for. Anyway, Millwood isn't exactly Cliff Lee, but I'll take a veteran presence, albeit one who hasn't had a good season since like 1999 as some kind of insurance for a shaky rotation.
Goodbye and fuck off Sergio Mitre, it's been a terrible fucking two seasons.
Check out the stories here and here.

Fantasy Baseball, The only real skill invovled is Trash talk

This weekend is M.D Flanagan and my fantasy baseball draft . Even though I am the commissioner and had a very solid, Sorry I had an amazing Draft. M.D won the championship with his team of scrappy players ,sleepers , and weekly pick ups. He somehow managed to beat out so many good teams , I was the 2 seed , THE 2 SEED ! I had a great team and it wasn't their fault . Check this line up out
1b- Prince Fielder
2b- Brandon Phillips
3d- Ryan Zimmerman
ss- Troy Tulowitzki (? )
of- Torii Hunter
Of- Franklin Gutieriz
0f- Carlos Gonzales (Thanks M.D)
c- John Buck
Utli- Jose Bautista
Bench- Garrett Jones, John Jaso, and Mike Stanton( for like the 2 weeks he did nothing )
Sps- Johan Santana, Cliff Lee, Jared Weaver, Edwin Jackson, John Niese, Tommy Hanson
rps- Rafel Soriano
Right that shit is sexy , but I lost to a guy who had Bronson Arroyo and Matt Capps. Wheres the Justice! Now every time we hang out I hear about it ... I gotta say his drafting skills are descent but he is the Albert Pujols of Shit talking.
Either way, This year is going to be an interesting year of fantasy. There are a lot of players that put up big years that are suspect to repeat ( most of my team), and there is a big up swing of young players looking to break out this year. I still gotta do some leg work to round out my picks , set up my brothers picks, I have to figure out how to get 10 people in my living room , and how to auto draft 2 teams on an off line draft . I'll Post draft results and best insults I guess. Mets are losing and M.D is thrilled with the recent yankee news

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Everything this spring proves God is not a Phillies Fan

Just a few weeks after the Texas Rangers wet the bed on the big stage and thought it would be smart to try to go dollar for dollar with the Yankees. Every baseball fan was sitting at the edge of their seat to find out where Clifford Phifer Lee ( Phifer , thats his real middle name Phifer ) would go. On 12/15/2010 we found out that he would take atlas 5 million less a year to go with the Phillies causing mass hysteria in the north east baseball world. Boston fans were punching their Dice-K shirts , Nationals Fans were talking about how close they were to getting him , Toronto fans were confussed. They didn't realize they could get pitchers on the free agent market they just thought free agencies was a way for them to get old Dh's , and here in New york we were spilt 50-50 some fans we not effected by the signing ( take a guess at who .. Hint they were riding high off signing Mark Prior ) and the other 50% were jumping in to Flushing bay screaming this is all your fault Omar !!!!!!

So the spring season began and just like that Cliff lee pulled something on his side so he was out for a week. NL east fans everywhere felt like the tables were turning , slowly but we felt something moving. Once spring games started the wheels fell off for the Phillies. Their top prospect Domonic Brown broke his hand after being jammed by an inside fastball, Brad Lidge ran in to Albert Pujols and had flashbacks to 04 and is now in a catatonic state, Chase " F-bomb" Utley's knee became demolished by tendenitits , and then the latest in the comedy known as Spring Training Roy Oswalt takes a liner to the ear from Man-Ram. Luckily he wasn't hurt so I don't feel bad about talking shit. Right now 3 of their 5 pitchers have e.r.a's over 4. Cole Hamels is over 6 and that brings a smile to my heart.

Right now the Phillies are hurting and things are not going their way. Which is great and I will live in the warming glow of their loses until the end of the month when the real season starts then its pretty much over. Mets are Owning St.Louis today it was 16-3 in the 6th, with home runs by Wright, Pagan, Thole, Emaus and Den Dekker (had a 3 run blast which made me think Who is this guy ). Check out scores and live updates on

Buck Showalter too big for his britches?

First off, really Baltimore Orioles? This is the picture you go with? Priceless, Buck Showalter is clearly a clown. Who does this guy think he is? I get it Buck, your no nonsense. The AL East doesn't scare you or your Baltimore Orioles, but screaming at Derek Jeter for jumping back from pitches? Maybe get some decent pitching so he doesn't have to.Who honestly complains about Derek Jeter as a player? Jim Rice, but he's a well known douche.He's like the consummate professional, well know by fans and players a like to be a great dude, plus his track record speaks for itself. Consistently dating women in Maxim's Top 100, closing in on 3,000 hits, 5 World Series rings, countless clutch plays and The Flip. I know Red Sox fans who have Jeter's back.  Life clearly hasn't been easy for you, you must have known there was no chance in hell of you playing 1st base for the Yankees with Donnie Baseball out there, but there is no reason for you to go running your mouth about the rest of the AL East. I hate Theo Epstein as much as the next guy, he's a total douche, but you know how he goes out and get's players like Carl Crawford? His team wins (as unfortunate as that may be). Yours does not. I love the idea of being a "gritty underdog" but not only did Showalter bitch about the rest of his division, he then pussed out and said he should have toned down his comments. If your going to be tough, be tough, and stop taking nerd ass pictures like this.Also, clearly this has become Buck Showalters Jam:

Check out the article here.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Arrr the Pirates not as bad as you think?

 I already know what your thinking, "the Pirates have winning season? That's unpossible!" and your still right. The Pirates are still steaming right towards a 19th (!!!) consecutive losing season. How much longer can it honestly last? I really don't think too much longer, yes right now the team might be terrible, but things are changing in Pittsburgh. Andrew McCutchen is a fantastic fucking baseball player, and because he is wallowing in the the swamp that is the Pittsburgh Pirates organization, he doesn't get nearly as much credit as he deserves. For a small guy his bat is huge, and defensively he is out of this world. He jumped over a 10 foot fucking fence the other day, are you kidding me? If the Pirates were to strengthen their outfield offensively (it's already pretty decent defensively believe it or not), then it would be a total game changer for them. Getting Lyle Overbay in the off season was also a good plan for the Pirates, he hit 20 home runs last season when the Blue Jays went off, and if he can keep his strikeout numbers lower than his total hits (last season he had 130 hits and 131 strikeouts) he will most assuredly help this team out in a big way.
   It is also physically impossible for me to talk about the Pirates and not discuss the truly, truly fantastic "Who Want to be a Major League Pitcher?"(also it was actually called Million Dollar Arm, just as brilliant) recruiting reality television show that the Pirates sponsored in India. Fucking brilliant, just about the best idea I've ever heard Neither of these guys are going to make it to the major league any time soon, and either way, it wouldn't make much different for the Pirates. What they need to do is try and keep the few solid players that they are sporting on their roster now, as well as focusing on their minor league guys to develop a winning team.Their starting pitching isn't terrible, they're not very good either, but totally serviceable with the addition of a quality front of the rotation veteran to teach the younger guys. A team ERA of 5 flat puts them dead last in the Majors and is pretty awful, but there is no where to go but up for the Pirates. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but in like 5 years? I could see it.
        In other news, like Bryan said, the Nationals signed Ollie Perez to a minor league deal, thank fucking God. I wish I could have photographed my smile when I read Cashman's response to looking at Perez, I breathed right for the first time in quite a while. Of course, with the luck the Mets have, Perez is gonna go 2-17 with a 7.91 ERA, but shut the Mets out every time he sees them, sorry fellas.
  Also, has anyone else noticed the mass amount of overweight players that the Yankees have this season? I feel like every third guy in the Yankees lineup is looking a bit like Dom DeLuise in his prime. Andruw Jones? His head is perfectly round. Perfectly, fucking, round.

Bat .270, Jersey still sells number 1, No big deal. Back to Minka Kelly

Who doesn't want to be this guy?

A recent CNBC blog post released the year's top selling MLB jerseys and despite having one of the worst stat years in his career, the Captain is still on top. It's an interesting list given only 3 players from the league's top 3 selling markets make the top 10 selling jerseys. Two yankees; Jeter 1 ChayRod 9, and one red sock; Dustin Pedroia's balding ass. Apparently no one in LA buys jerseys, only broken dreams.

The list is littered with 3 Phillies players that make watching the video of Roy Oswalt beamed with a Manny line drive all the more enjoyable. World Series champ SF giants have one player, Tim Lincecum, skimming the top list at number 10

Aside from dominating the league, Pujols was the only Latin-American born player to make the top 10. Do we wear jerseys of the players who most resemble us in the mirror? That didn't stop every kid in Jericho High from buying a Carmello jersey the moment he decided to drape himself in blue and orange.

All and all an interesting list, only a matter of time before they all wear pinstripes. Back to watching Neuva York night at the garden.

link to the list:

How come over 9 million Americans are unemployed But Oliver Perez has a another Job that isn't a bathroom attendant at a arbys?

Today the Washington Nationals have signed Oliver Perez to a minor league deal........ Seriously I'm not joking they actually are going to give him $400,000 to pitch for them this year. This move makes absolutely no sense what so ever . Yeah extra arms are great, Yeah he has playoff experience , and yeah he can be lights out when he's on the big stage. But he's in Washington where the stage is so small they have to battle the pirates of the worst team in America. He offers no knowledge to younger pitchers except, Sign with Scott Boras have him pretend there a market for your services and dupe some poor sap g.m that your worth a hell of a lot more then Ghostbusters . Also get this ,at the end of this year and when Ollie puts in his W-2( I assume they use W-2s for taxes ) He will have made 12.4million dollars for being terrible at his job. By the way mets lost 6-3 against St.louis thanks to Manny Acosta (future Kanas City Royal) but the mets are making head way for 2nd base , the option Justin Turner and are keeping Brad Emus and Daniel Murphy with the big club so far. The team is taken Shape now that we aren't handcuffed anymore . Check out for more info.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Turns out Bartolo Colon not only eats, he can pitch too

"Opposing Hellickson was Bartolo Colon, who's competing for a spot in the Yankees' rotation and helped his cause by holding the Rays to one run on two hits while striking out five and walking none in six innings."
   I almost can't believe I'm saying this but is Bartolo Colon really no longer a worst case scenario? It's only Spring Training but he really did pitch well last night, and has been all spring. In 4 games he has a 2.40 ERA, and when competing against the completely worthless Sergio Mitre I think I might possibly be OK with him as a back end of the rotation guy. He is definitely far removed from his Cy Young season in 2005, and his fastball isn't what it used to be, but Colon has made a strong case for himself as a serviceable starter for the Yankees. The Rays that Colon pitched against were not that much different than he might see in the regular season, and he struck out Ben Zobrist, BJ Upton, and Evan Longoria, so he can't be all bad right? I'm well aware that Spring Training is drastically different from the regular season, but Colon has kind of been pitching well rather than gorging himself on Wendy's like I assumed he would be. Ivan Nova has also been killing it, and I like him in the rotation anyways, literally anyone except Sergio Mitre, who has never been good as far as I can remember.
  Also this who "the Yankees are interested in Oliver Perez" rumor is literally fucking terrifying. As much of a heart attack waiting to happen as this whole contest for the last two starters has been, the idea of Oliver Perez as a Yankee makes me want to cry.  Granted, the only team he pitched well against since like 2007 has been the Yankees, but still I promise to abandon Yankee fandom and jump on the Oakland A's bandwagon if they so much as look at him.


The difference between me and you are 25 world championships and maybe a few other things

Being a Mets Fan i is pretty rough. Back in 1998 The season that turned the pages back to the glory of ’86. We got Pizzia from Florida for A.j Burnett, and Preston Wilson (your welcome Yankees fans) then the next year was the “Greatest infield ever” said Sports Illustrated Olerud, Alfonzo, Ordonez, and Ventura. How could of been any better It was a crazy season in which we saw gold glove defense , monster home runs, just great overall team baseball I cant even talk about it with out flashing back to the 1999 playoffs. Just seeing Todd Pratt going deep and Steve Finely looking like some one stole his kitten , Then there was the NLCS, Mets v. Atlanta. Has anyone seen a playoff series with that much drama and close games. Every game was decided by one run . The Grand SINGLE !!!! How could you possibly not be moved. Lets not talk about 2000 We got to the world series but it hurts to remember that all the good we did that whole year because it can be thrown back at me like a broken bat . Lets just move on to 2006. The whole year I was thrilled the fact that the whole year we just destroyed the National League . How could we lose we owned. And by the 10 inch break of an Adam Wainwright curveball everything came crashing down. The Collapse, the re-signing of Oliver Perez , and everything else thats happened .

Through all of the ups and Downs that I have seen for the 25 years I have been alive and 20 years that I have been watching and rooting for the Mets . I will never turn my back on them ,even though they’ll do some pretty stupid things from now until the day I die and I know that I probably see a championship in flushing for a few years I will always be excited when Spring Training comes around and for the start of a new year with my beloved kids from queens .
That is why my Good friend and Yankees Fan M.D. Flanagan asked me to write on his blog to add my objective view from 7 train side of things . So hopefully my writing skills and my team get better this year . Thank you for your time. Lets Go Mets !