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Monday, April 18, 2011

Is Any Major League Baseball Team Less Relevant than the Arizona Diamondbacks?

The National League West is a fucking wasteland. There's about 200 different teams floating around over there, and maybe 2 of them are really any good. The least of these just might be the Arizona Diamondbacks. A team full of guys who are supposed to be good, but just, well, aren't. They're mediocre. The Diamondbacks don't serve as a spoiler for any teams, they mostly just exist.
Justin Upton is a perfect example of the Diamondbacks futility. Every year this guy is predicted to be a "breakout" star. Every year he isn't. He's got a career .273 batting average. Not a bad average, but not good either, just, mediocre. They're pitching staff is full of these half cocked all stars as well, with Armando "Almost perfect except for that oddly mustached motherfucker" Galarraga, Joe Saunders, Ian Kennedy and Barry Enright, again, all guys who either broke out and dominated for about a half hour or just never got off the ground. Remember Joe Saunders on the Angels? He wasn't great, but his ERA has actually become MORE middle of the road since signing up with the D-Backs. Also, really? D-Backs? That's the choice you've made Arizona? I figured the Tampa Bay Rays were a pretty easy name to insult (figure it out yourselves.), but you chose to call your team the D-Backs? It's almost too easy. They also signed Xavier Nady! Seriously? He might as well be a ghost. Remember when he was on the Yankees for a half hour? Yeah, he's always somewhere, but never making a huge impact. Irrelevant, just like the Arizona Diamondbacks.
Post Script-Every time I think of the Diamondbacks front office I picture this guy being in charge-

   So the Cincinnati Reds are stealing the NL Central, just like everyone expected. Turns out, they're also stealing fucking T-Shirts from Macy's. The guy makes $425,000 a year. that's approximately $422,000 dollars more than me a year. You know what I've never done? Stolen a whack ass American Rag t-shirt from motherfucking Macy's. For a guy who virtually skipped the minor leagues and has a ton of awesome opportunities in his life, this is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. I hope that was the coolest $60 worth of shirts ever, but I doubt it, want to form your own opinion? Check out Macy's selection here.Was Mike Leake trying to play the Ron Artest card? Just too hood for the major leagues? I doubt it, plus Ron Artest never outright stole, just did hilarious things like this and this.

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