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Friday, April 29, 2011

Ozzie Guillen: Manager of the Year

 
     So Ozzie Guillen got kicked out of the White Sox/Yankees game in the first inning the other night after arguing balls and strikes, which is an automatic ejection no matter what. Anyways, just Ozzie being Ozzie, he gets the boot, then heads to clubhouse and does what? The same thing it seems like every nutjob fucking athlete does, jumps on twitter to continue his rant. So his tweets read something like "this one is going to cost me a lot of money. this is patetic" and "today a tough guy show up at Yankee stadium"; so not only does Ozzie suck at spelling and grammar, but he's also fucking crazy, which is why he's my candidate for manger of the year. MLB obviously got wind of these tweets, and Guillen got suspended and fined an as of yet undisclosed amount of money. Following Ozzie Guillen on twitter is easily one of the smartest things you can do as an internet user, he's constantly hilarious and I've said more than once on here that I like my Guillen crazy, and this is just more of what I love about this guy. Manager of the Year, I'm calling it now.
     The Braves are having a tough week. About a week ago, Roger McDowell, best known around here for being on one of the most respectful and courteous teams every to take the field insulted some fans in San Fransisco.This just proves the "second spitter" theory. Had to be McDowell. He made a bunch of jokes involving their sexual orientation, which apparently upset some guy there with his kids. McDowell than proceeded to threaten the dude with a bat, in front of his children mind you, asking him "how much his teeth are worth". I see where everyone's coming from, calling McDowell a dick, but is this not one of the greatest pre-fight lines of all time? I'm keeping that shit in my back pocket for the next time I drunkenly decide to thrown down. Game over. That line would make a fleet of bikers run for cover, bring it on world. Bring it the fuck on.
      Continuing with the Braves shitty weak, Derek Lowe got pulled over for boozing on the road. Apparently, he was racing someone, which shocked me. Derek Lowe? Racing someone? I would have bet 10 times out of 10 that Derek Lowe was cruising around in some ridiculously over-sized pickup truck. He was racing around the streets of Hotlanta when he got nabbed stinking of alcohol and bombed (get it? I'm a punny motherfucker.Is that a pun? I think it is, loyal readers, correct me if I'm wrong) his field sobriety test, then decided against taking a breathalyzer. Dead. Fucking. Giveaway. Usually you're pretty fucked if you get pulled over drunk, but if I was a cop and some dude declined to take the breathalyzer, I'm bringing him in instantly. It's always worth the risk, what if you blow like a .06? Boom! Your laughing in the cops face and stopping off at 7-11 for three more.
     The entire time I've been writing this, I've been sitting in my basement watching Intentional Talk. First off, I was furious when I saw that name. How did I not think of that for this blog? I'm a dumbass. The point I want to make though is that A) Kevin Millar is a fucking clowncar. He's just such an idiot, and says the dumbest things ever.Not that I like to attack people's families, but Millar has a kid named Canyon. Fucking Canyon. Of all the dumb, made up, non-names I've heard in my life, Canyon just might be the worst.  Even worse than that jackass Millar is Chris Rose. Who gave this nerd a job in baseball? I literally cannot say enough terrible things about this guy. Anyways, fuck Millar and Rose. Phantom Ballplayer is better.

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