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Tuesday, May 31, 2011

4 Day Weekend, but I'm Back to Talk About the Rockies

      The Colorado Rockies just can't seem to win in any month except September. As a team, they seemingly have all the pieces to dominate their division and the National League as a whole, but they just can't seem to do it. Troy Tulowitzki is possibly the best shortstop in the game today, definitely one of the best all around players in the game. Tulo hits for power, for average, gets a ton of RBI's, he's won a Gold Glove and is a team leader for the Rockies. They're pitching staff, even with Ubaldo Jiminez doing dumbass "MLB Epic" commercials (made for nerds who can't seem to hop off the San Fransisco Giants' dicks) instead of pitching the way he did last season, is still pretty solid. Colorado has a 3.97 ERA overall for the season, but they can't seem to earn wins. They're bouncing around 3rd place in the NL West, with a sub-.500 record. They're not really doing anything, and for a team like the Rockies that's a goddamned shame.
   Colorado has this kind of underdog vibe that's really cool, but it must suck for them. They've never won a World Series title, they've only won 1 pennant, and I just can't quite figure out why. The run they went on in September of 2007 was one of the most amazing things I've ever witnessed, but they just couldn't keep it up. That's the Rockies biggest problem, they just can't keep shit up. Carlos Gonzalez is a perfect example of the Rockies, amazingly talented, but just can't keep it up. Competing with the number he put up last year would be impossible for anyone, but like I said, it's exactly like the Rockies. They get unbelievably hot for a few weeks, and then suck for the rest. Godspeed Colorado Rockies, maybe this will finally be your year.
     I am fucking tickled pink over this Bartolo Colon thing. Did he seriously pitch a complete game, 4 hit shutout this weekend? That's re-goddamned-diculous. I forgot Phil Hughes even existed. I keep telling myself it can't last, but maybe there is something to be said about this stem cell injection thing he's got going on. Also, there was apparently something insane like 146 home runs hit this holiday weekend, that seems like far too many. Granted I was imbibing alcohol a little bit too much to focus on baseball, but still. Did every Major League Player hit at least one? Did Jose Bautista take some time off from arguing with John Danks (seriously? A Danks-Bautista fight? Danks is clearly just upset that he's been dry humping the dugout with his miserable performances lately, and wants to steal a little bit of Bautista's thunder) to hit them all himself? Speaking of giving up home runs, JoJo Reyes, he of the 28 game winless streak, earns himself a win finally, and a complete game at that.
   One final thing I have to get off my chest. It pains me more than almost anything else to say this, but I, me, M.D. Flanagan, blogging god and Fantasy baseball champion, lost to Bryan this week. It's not easy to admit, but I have to give him credit, he beat me fair and square with decent pitching and almost no offense. However, I'm still in second place overall, so suck it. Great Hambino's go back to back. I'm calling it now, and I'm motherfucking baseball Zeus.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Why I hate the Phillies... A special Memorial Day Post.

Hey everyone hows your holiday weekend going ? Our international viewers who are just looking up picture of muppets, weird but how is your weekend going? Mine you may ask is going pretty pretty pretty good. I made bank at both my jobs so I can at least get some gas in my car so I can drive in traffic, got a little faced last night at my cousins Bbq and Oh yeah won my fantasy match up against the champ himself M.d. I won 9-6 over the week against his trash of a team The Morgan Freemans have come back to glory by winning the last 3 matchups in a row! But I am still in last places of the toughest division in the league we are all separated by one game so the champ is going from the West this year. But there was something that bugged the crap out of me friday to sunday afternoon. The Phillies were in town needless to say I was not thrilled.

Coming off their 19 inning game against the Reds the Phillies and the hordes of unwashed
diasesd ridden psychopaths also know as Philly Fans took their undeserved swagger and red shirts to the greatest ball park in the country (Citi field) for a holiday weekend series against well the beaten and battered New York Bisons... sorry I mean Mets and took 2 out of three. The Phillies jumped on shitty bullpen work the first two games by tying the game up in the 8th and then adding on 3 runs after some gutsy starting pitching by Chris Capuano and Mike Pelfery who stopped licking him self long enough to throw 7 innings of solid ball. The Mets took the sunday day game 9-5 with Jose Reyes who the New york papers should stop this idiotic Jeter countdown to 3000 and have a countdown until he is traded and thousands of girls throw out their mets jerseys, hit 2 triples and the rest of the team did stuff too but I really want get to the point.They might of taken 2 of 3 but we here in New York still don't consider Philly a real sports town.

Here it is why do I hate the Phillies. Heads up the language is going to get rough. I hate the Phillies for one reason and one reason only . Marketing! Shocked, offended , well you should be. I have been racking my brain for the last few months trying to figure out catch phrases , t shirt ideas, and maybe a mascot. And here are these mother phuckers putting PH in front of everything with an F sound. PHUCK THEM. PHUCKING unbelievable! The balls of these Phucktards. Now I know what your thinking . They have been around for like 100 years and you guys have been around since March, why would you call your self "Phantom Ballplayer" what does it even mean, why are you guys so good at baseball, jokes, placing picture in the center right and left , and why are there no other curse word that starts with an F sound, we have three ways to spell there, their, they're but one curse word that starts with an F come on English get with it. Nevertheless I wanted to start calling you guys Phans (get it ) like how barstool call its readers stoolies . But I'll never get the Phucking chance now. I just pheel so empty because f all the great opportunities that have just passed us by. Then again calling you guys Phans is super lame. Also Phanatic come on that awful.

That is seriously it I don't hate the players on the Philidildos, I just realized I have written 3 paragraphs and hadn't used my owen nickname for these Phucking Phuck Phaces or their fans I get it I understand why everyone hates on them because they have good teams its just that they are loud unruly and have beaten down pregnant seniors and have thrown up on little girls. Everyone hates the team at the top. Now that they have 3 really good pitchers and Cole Hamels who I actually hate. That dude is a huge asshole. If I had the choice of being the white guy in Mike Tyson's punch out and only get punched in the balls or wear a Cole Hamels jersey.... Goodbye testicles it's been a blast.
(If you cant tell its Halladay as Allan, Lee as Phil, Oswaltt as Stu, and Hamels as Carlos from the Hangover, Google Images is the best invention ever)
Anyway have a good Memorial Day thank a veteran. If you don't know any veterans then you should go outside more often. Have fun drink beers, eat burgers, get sunburned and Phuck Filly. Now I am in the mood to watch the Hangover before work... I gotta see Hangover to to complete the saga.
-My laptop was ablaze with the red underline for misspelled words. Its all was odd to see the suggestions for Philidildos.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

What qualifies you for the Hall of Fame? Reading The Phantom Ball player... Can't get you there

Last sunday at the weekly Hooligans practice a few of us basically M.D, J-Mart, and my self were talking about what qualifies a player for hall of fame status. We discussed current and sat players with some weighty stats and some that had accomplished some great things but would it be enough.

Every year around this time a selective group of baseball writers get together and choice which player they feel deserve to be elected to the hall of fame. Then the next day all the people who didn't get the invite critique every little vote. This isn't me criticizing anyones votes this is just me asking a few questions about who that is playing now that by the end of their career will they be in the hall. Baseball players dream of making it to the hall. But now of days there are so many statistical categories that make baseball seem more like math class then a game.
Players like Keith Hernandez, Mark Grace, Lee Smith, Donnie Baseball, Ron Santo and the Immortal Mike Flanagan should all be in the hall but they do not meet the unbelievably stupid number quotas that have been placed. Corner Infielder have to hit 20+ home runs, middle infielder have to have high stolen base numbers and be solid defenders. Outfielders have to a mix of all of it. And the players have to play nice nice with the reports now because they hold the fate of their career. Well thats my rant about the oddity known as the Hall of fame selection process

So instead of doing names first I am going to do stats and then name and then maybe a few jokes or something maybe a couple of funny youtube links maybe a few curse words , I don't know yet.

1,724 career hits, .297 life time batting average,.410 career On base %, .548 slugging %, 338 career Home Runs, 1135 career Rbis, and a 5 time All star:That is Lance Big Puma Berkman- He is having a bounce back year after leaving the shit show of the Astros and the party central that is known as Nick Swisher's New York Yankees. He might be a few years off but if he keeps putting up good numbers especially if he can work out an another contract with the Cards he could be polishing his own plaque.

2,620 career hits, .287 life time batting average,.354 on base %, .436 slugging %, 391 career stolen bases, 222 career home runs, 1075 care Rbis, 2x all star,2 world series rings: That is Johnny "Lady Fingers" Damon-Some might say yes. I say eeeeh no. He has never really been the star of any of the teams he's played on. He never carried a team to a championship he has been on teams that has other players drive them to win the championship. So I am sorry pal I don't think you have what it takes.

1,1713 career hits, .274 life time batting average, .468 slugging %, .800 on base %, 264 career home runs, 996 rbis, 4x all star, 9x Gold glove winner, 1x sliver slugger award winner: That is Torri "Spiderman" Hunter: This guy right here is my dude. My opinion might seem biased but I feel Torri has got what it takes to be in the Hall. Ok his offensive numbers might be as stunning as other guys but his defense alone should put him right next to Clemente (BOLD STATEMENT)

1,606 career hits, .273 life time average, .376 on base %, .476 slugging %, 267 career home runs, 1037 rbis, 5x all star and sliver slugger and 5x world series champion: Come on its Jorge Posada: Does Jorgey have what it takes to get there? The resume is impressive but is it impressive enough. Some one will probably say that Jorge road in on Derek Jeter's success.Side note is Bernie Williams a Hall of famer ?

Finally this one is going to blow your mind in the most mediocre sense of the term

1,893 career hits, .297 life time average, .346 on base %, .364 slugging %, 14 career home runs, 443 rbis, 534 career stolen bases, has never had a season without 30 stolen bases since his rookie year, has never hit under .275 in his career, World Series champion: Its Juan Pierre. Most people are shocked that I would even bring him up . But check this out J-mart broke down what he has done in his 11 years in the bigs. Frankly I think if he plays for another 10 years he will break 3,000 hits , maybe have an over .300 batting average and might have a shot at breaking Rickey Henderson's stolen base record.

Those might be some odd names to throw out. But they have all been playing for over 10 years. I try to avoid big names like Jeter, Dunn, Pujols, and etc etc blah blah blah. Now I honestly don't give a shit about On base or slugging or Ops or what ever Bill James brought into this game. If a player brings his team to a higher level for years at a time. Do you think Ted Williams gave a shit how many times he got on base against a lefty? No, he cared if he got a hit and wether or not he can air raid some nazis. This year we'll see Roberto Alomar who would have been in last year but Marty Noble said he didn't deserve it because of his one year and a half years with the Mets.

Right so thats it for me for a while. I know your all thrilled that I wont be posting until at least next Wednesday but I got some shit I got to do. Oh yeah It's the Heat v the Mavericks in the Nba finals. I am not shocked at all. Later people, thanks for reading and thanks for putting up with my writing every week.

Your Fearless Leader Has Returned from Exile

    I'm back motherfuckers. I took some time off to grow as a person, re-evaluate my current life situation, and possibly hunt for a real job. That's clearly a lie, I took like two weeks off to lay around watching the Simpsons, nap, and drink three dollar Coor's Lights. It was solid as all get out, and I reccomend each and every one of you try it. Anyhow, during my self imposed exile, I came up with approximately 0 cool ideas for posts, but I'm going to do one anyway.
    Let's lead off with Buster Posey, everyone's favorite overrated rookie. The San Fransisco Giants, last years improbable World Champions and this years group of under-talented, overexposed clowns lost Buster Posey to an ankle injury last night. I'll never say out loud that I'm glad someone got a season ending injury, because it does suck, but maybe this will burst the Giant's bubble. I'm tired of everyone everywhere giving more credit than is due to these no talent ass clowns. At the end of last night's game, Posey was attempting to prevent Scott Cousins of the Marlins' from scoring, collision at the plate, etc. etc. The Giants are waiting until after he gets an MRI to say how fucked up his ankle really is, but this is a major blow for the Giants. Pablo Sandoval is out too, and Posey was primed to serve as an even bigger piece of the puzzle for them than he was last year. Yes, the Giants are in first in the dismal NL West, and even though I never entertained thoughts of that lasting, with Posey out, it's a certainty they'll complete their fall from grace.
       My aunt came to visit this week, and she's from Cincinnati, so let's talk about this 19 inning Red-Phillies game last night. Shit was ridiculous. As I watched Dirk Nowitzki end the Thunder's playoff dreams (that's right! we watch other sports here at phantom ballplayer too!) I couldn't help but see on ESPN's little ticker thing that this game was still going. I don't particularly care about the Reds or the Phillies, or the majority of the National League for that matter, but a 19 inning game is still cool as shit to watch.It was impossible for me to watch any of the game as it happened, but thank God for the MLB Network. Now, being a native of New York, I'm can't ever support the Phillies, it would crush my father, and Bryan might kill me, so as I watched the stupid ESPN ticker, I found myself pulling for the Reds. No such luck. In fact, embarrassingly enough, the heart of the Reds order got taken down by fucking Wilson Valdez. Never heard of him you say? Who is this young fireballer? No, you're not asking that because you already know Wilson Valdez is the Phillies fucking second basemen. Poor Cincinnati Reds, shot down by a second basemen. And he got the win! Insanity reigns in Major League Baseball these days folks. The last position player to start a game in the field and earn himself a win was fucking Babe Ruth. Valdez was apparently throwing around 90 miles an hour, for 5 innings, struck out three, plunked Scott Rolen, and got Joey Votto and Jay Bruce to fly out. Not too shabby for Chase Utley's replacement.
      Big ups to Mariano Rivera. Not only is he the greatest closer to ever play the game (fuck off K-Rod!) but he's also had 1,000 appearances with one team. That's loyalty. Also, why would anyone ever trade/not give a billion dollars to Mo? The guy has been a machine since he was officially named the closer in like 1995. 40 years old, 1 pitch, and still dominates everyone. So fucking cool. More New York news, the Mets agreed to sell part of the team for 200 million. Not to the dudes from Entourage, which frankly dissapoints me a little, I think they would have done a bang up job, but to some clown named David Einhorn. Hopefully he'll Steinbrenner the shit out of the Mets and turn things around, but don't hold your breath. It's good that the Mets were able to make this deal, seeing as they owe MLB like 3 times that to cover all their expenses, also the guys some kind of avid wierdo poker player who came in 18th in the World Series of Poker a few years ago, so maybe he'll bring an influx of cash, or lose the team to the Russian mob and bring in good old Paul LoDuca. It's nice to be back bitches.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Another tops countdown ... Trust Me M.D will be back soon

AFter barring my inner most secret to you guys yesterday I have decided to write up another top list to make up for my idiocy . You guys seem to dig the last two I have penned up so this one is going to be supremely dodgey. This is a top ten list of the best motivational speeches from random movies to get you going. Yeah I know I am running out of shit to write about M.D should be back soon to stop this madness. But you guys can stop my ramblings by likes us on facebook and sending an email to with guest posts.

So lets begin. Same rules as before. This is not a list that is set in stone but it's going to be pretty cool. I have scanned Youtube for these clips and I will give the reason why ....Yada yada ya. Lets do this .
Horonable mention - Lou Brown from Major Leagues- I love to give another team a shit burger every so often
10. Kurt Russell as Coach Brooks in Miracle- He talks up his team of young upstarts before they play the Russians. Who didn't love the story of the 80's Us hockey team. I like it because He's not all up and down yelling and screaming like a Hooligans team party. He keeps his cool speaks in a soft but intense voice , gets right to the point and then breaks it off and they are ready to go. U.S.A In the 80's got shit done.

9. George C. Scott in Patton- Ok I know a lot of your are confused about what Patton is. Well Patton was a 4 star general in WWII and he was a total bad ass. Thats all you need to know because I do not have permission to speak.

8. Samuel L Jackson in Deep Blue Sea- Why? Why not Motha Fucka! Anything that man says inspires me to be the best. Actually that last link should be a whole post to its self. I actually saw that movie on its release date when it came out... I am a nerd I thought we went over this .

7. Mel Gibson in Braveheart- Its solid as a rock man. Watch it and you tell me that you wouldn't follow old Mel in to battle ?

6.Al Pachinco in Any given sunday- I know its about football but being drunk at 530 in the morning and Any given sunday is on an HBO channel. You get all pumped up when halftime against Dallas comes along you get ready to hit someone.

5. Bill Murray in Stripes- Another one where I show my age and my love of Bill Murray movies. This is a classic speech for outsiders. International readers this is how most Americans see them selves , as hard luck people who make stupid decision when the time calls for it. but back to Bill Murray, How awesome is this guy I think this sentence is going to be all links to great shit he has said. OK I had to stop with 10 because this is ridiculous .

4. John Belushi in Animal House- Come on this is every colleges hype up speech and random minor league team it seems. It seem we here at the Phantom have unintentionally lived our lives like Animal house .... Sometimes not all the time.

3. Well Pretty much anything from Rudy- Now this movie is near and dear to M.D's heart because he is an undersized defensive end with the heart of a champion and unfaltering hustle. Now there are so many good points in this movie that its hard to focus on one so I wont.

2. Peter Finch as Howard Beale in Network- Hold on hold on. I know you don't know why what or where I got this from let me explain. In 2006 the Mets had this play over the Diamond vision and this shit got me pumped. When it starts with " I want you to get up all of you to get up out of you chairs and yell" They put up LETS GO METS and shit was wild.

OK now here is the greatest of all time. This Gets you going but yet keeps you in the right state of mind .

1. Frank The Tank -the Locker room scene. We've come to far we have to keep our composure out there . There is a ton of great shit I could have picked from this movie but the composure speech is great.

So that was another sold in my opinion list. Maybe its wasn't as funny as it could of been but I feel super pumped up right now. So I am going to go high five old ladies and dropkick babies (yes thats real). Hopefully tomorrow I'll get my shit together. Hopefully .

Oh Yeah also check out gameplayheros. I guest wrote for them. I wrote about Batman. I ha some left over nerd rant left in me so they let me spout off over there.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

I cant fight it anymore! Its been hurting me everyday that i cant say anything about it! OK here it is

Yo so I am a fucking true blue nerd. What were you expecting me to say ? Yes fans of the Phantom I am a nerd. I have been trying to hide my nerdy-ness for the past few months but I cant hide it no more. This is the time where the world just unloads a whole bunch of shit that makes me have uncontrollable nerdgasms. I just cant hold it back anymore and I am going to take this time to unload it on you so I don't have it back up on me. I know you guys think I am super cool and awesome but I have been a nerd since elementary school.

This week was clipping along just fine being that its tuesday . I had some time off from work , the rain was stopping , the Hooligans have been looking good in practice lately, found this really awesome bar with great food and cheap beer (no body hitting lines of coke in the corner or spainish dudes ripping their shirts off to prove how tough they are and end the fight sobbing in each other arms. Looking back that bar sucked. Damn you $1 beers until the end of the night) . I can put up with a lot of weird shit for cheap beer ) and baseball has been doing its thing making us all kind of forget the NFL lock out. In the past 24 hours some stuff came out that has hit me in the nerd bone that set off a chain reaction.

So first thing first the new Modern War fare 3 trailer came out. Which blew my mind . I couldn't believe how sick it looks. One of for my the first games I bought for my Ps3 was MW2 and it took me a little bit to get into it but once I did I spent at least 3 days trying to beat on level. Oh yeah I am terrible at some video games.
Secondly The new X-men movie comes out next week. WHAT!!!! Who's not excited to see
them fix what Brett Rattner screwed up so bad with X-men 3 the Last stand. I cant wait dudes and well only dudes are reading this past the first sentence. BUt this Xmen movie should be good . When i heard about it when they started filming they said it was going to cross James Bond ,Inception and Brian Singers X-men all rolled into one nerdy burrito. The bar has been set pretty high. Doesn't matter I will be there on midnight trying to be first in line dress in my boxers and with my body painted blue . You think I am joking this isn't the first time I did this.
Thridly I am super pumped for The Dark Knight Rises and anything that has to due with Batman right now. It's hurting me that I can not play Arkham City yet. Everything that Comic
comes up with is almost pure gold. Has anyone seen the pics of Bane they released. Its nothing crazy but still its hype creating. This means there is a countdown somewhere about Anne Hathaway in the Catwoman suit.... Just wait picture it .... Awesome . Arkham City looks so good in every trailer they put out. I already have money down for it with Gamestop so I am getting ready. Oh yeah another game you should check out but haven't released game play trailers Dead Island , Mikey showed me this game and I just wanted to play it so bad. Its like Left 4 dead but on a beach.
OK ,Ok I have to stop and watch some sports or something. I just spent my load. If you want to keep reading about video games check out Mikey's blog gameplayheros . They know there shit. Also if you want to check out more shit on super hero movies , video games and other shit check out, and finally do your self a favor check out Green with Envy on Facebook if you think like me you wont regret it. Watch the trailer and leave a comment that you're a fan of Phantom ballplayer.

Yeah Sorry about the nerd blow up here but I needed to get this out. I will be back to baseball tomorrow.

p.s - See Xmen first class, Captain America, Conan O'Brien's Can't Stop, Troll Hunter and look up Underground Lizard People The Movie its their Facebook. You think with all the Plugs I am getting paid for it but I am not . I want to Hint Fucking Hint , but no .

Monday, May 23, 2011

Where have you gone Minnesota Twins ?

Did everyone enjoy their weekend ? I hope so because I know the folks in Minnesota had a rough one. With Twins getting swept by the D-backs every Twin fan hit the bars and wont stop until they saw Joe Mauer catching again. With such a bad start the Twins are basically walking on ice not thin ice but the type of ice in which you try to walk on it and you fall on your ass or face at least five times before you say to your self " maybe this isn't a great idea". Right now the Twins are 14.5 games out of first place and 4.5 games out of first place of the last place teams. Yes, you read that correctly and it's not one of my stupid sayings. The Twins are the Worst of the Worst by at least 4 games.

I understand that it might not be a great time to rip on the Twins right now with the passing or Harmon Killebrew. Maybe this is what the Twins need. Not the passing of their legend but the attention of the Phantom. This could shake things up , Its worked for other teams. Do I have to list them for you guys... Again?

This brings us to the big question. What is this team waiting for? I am tired of asking this question really. I know this team is good. They have been in the playoffs ever year for the past few years. The Twins always look like the team to beat with solid pitching and a stacked line up with offense and defense galore. The only problem is they seem to always draw the Yankees and they have only won 2 playoff games against the Yankees.

The Twins have to turn it around before its too late. If they continue to be this bad they will be 45 games out of first. It simply unbelievable that by the end of May the Indians Royals
and White Sox are at the top of the heap while the Twins who usually are the first to clinch the central in August are not even close to the Tigers. Minnesota I like you guys I think you have a great thing going with the new stadium, keeping Jim Thome even though they have Jason Kubel and The young pitchers. But when is enough ,enough ? They made a bold move by trading Garza and Barlett for Delmon Young who looked to have a break out season (nothing so far) They signed mustache enthusiast (second time I am using that phrase , but about a different person) Carl Pavano , after his quick stop in the Cleve and after he robbed the Yankees for 4 years and earn 45 million for 8 starts, and with the guys they have grown from their own system they should of been right up there with the tribe.

It's only may and 14.5 games isn't that bad. Hell look what happened with the 69 Mets or the 04 Red sox. So lets see if the Phantom effect hits the Twins . That should be a great race between the old guard Twins versus the young upstart Indians battling it out for the future of the central division.

Ok I am going to hit it , dinners almost done and I haven't let my dog out so he is losing his mind.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

This will be quick...

Sorry everyone this week has been really fucked since monday. I have been working both jobs 6 days in a row and the last 3 have been a kick in the balls so it left me very little time to write some stuff. So here is a Saturday quick post of the first round of inter league play.

Didn't I fucking tell you all that the Indians and Reds series was gonna be fucking ill as shit! The Reds struck early with 2 in the 3rd and 6th . But the Indians put up a strong 6th inning dropping a 4 spot tying it up. Shelly Duncan , Michael Branley, Shin soo drunk , Aunstin Kearns and some fucking rookie help take the tribe to the winner circle. All I know is that my dude Brandon Phillips is going to put the Reds on his back and rock the crap out of Josh Tomlin, todays pitchers. The game starts at 7 and I hope that they show the game somewhere it should be great.

As I am rambling on about the Reds and Indians Jose Bautista hit 2 home runs against the J.A HAAPless ( Brett Meyers pitched today) Astros. I am pumped that this dude is still launching baseballs into orbit. All he did was add a leg kick to his stance and blamo he is a slugger.

Last night the Pirates destroyed the Tigers in the battle of Union towns series, The Nats ran shop on the Orioles which is making me regret picking the O's as a good team this year. What the Fuck Buck where the fight ? Boston beat down on Chicago , now if they could just win more championships people would care more. Kc shutout St.louis and the other games happened.

Ok remember when I said that all Justin Turner was know for was being a ginger. Well I was fucking wrong, its the Phantom affect(new phrase) . This dude is clutch he has brought in an rbi in the last 6 games. He had 5 rbis in one game. The New York Bisons held their own against that terrifying collection of contract terrorists known as the New York Yankees.

I hope everyone has a good Rapture . I know its throw back day in Boston and Cliff Lee is facing the Rangers. So there might be something to watch. I'll talk to you guys next week. Also keep your eyes on the Reds and Indians thats the series to watch.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

I'm sorry did i just get peanut butter in your chocolate , or did you ... Wait this isn't working Its time for interleague play.

Who isn't excited for this weekend? It's the strong side of may so there might be some sunny days out there . After a rain out last night the Mets face the Nats who are just happy to be in the majors. But thats not important right now, INTER-LEAGUE play starts this saturday and people are losing their collective shit. The Cubs v the Red sox, the Mets v The Yankees, Athletics and the Giants and all the other sexy match ups like the Tigers and Pirates. Well, some might be sexy and others are like kissing your grandmother.

So Obviously I am going to focus on a few match ups that catch the ol' eye Reds v Indians, Rangers v Phillies, Cubs v Red Sox, and Mariners v Padres. These match ups actually look pretty good if you are a baseball fan. If you're not what are you doing reading a baseball blog? What are you a fan of video games? Or maybe you're a fan of being a smart shopper? I don't know what you're a fan of but I can tell you one thing. That is how you plug 3 blogs in one paragraph shamelessly.

The Red Sox and Cubs. This is the first time since 1918 these teams are meeting at Fenway
park. Crazy right? Thats almost 100 years, how does this happen? Inter-league play started in 97 its now 2011 thats over 14 years of playing. If the Mets have played the Mariners 3 times since it started both at Safeco and Shea/Citi this matchup should have happened. Enough about the ineptitude of the schedule makers lets get into the actual matchup. The Red Sox are hot right now after a weekend sweep of the Yankees and probably starting the whole fracture in the Yankees core. A-Gone is leading the league in rbis and Crawford is starting to pick his shit up off the Flaw( Thats how you spell in a Bostonian accent). The Cubbies are just living their life in the middle of the road again. I cant figure this team out. Are they waiting for a cant miss prospect to come up and build from with in? Whats going on because what they have been doing isn't working. This series should be fun and is worth a watch of the recap

The Red and Indians! Get ready for some offense Ohio. This is going to be the marque matchup of the weekend. I don't even think I will watch the Mets and Yankees ( Lets face it I am
but I will have the spilt screen going). The Reds have been crushing the Nl, The Indians the Al. Now these two Power houses of racial slurs are going to beat the shit out of each other.Brandon Phillips is just a straight up champ. This dude talks shit and backs it up. I honestly would like to see a Reds Red Sox game and See Phillips and Pedoria shit talk the hell out of each other. Two favorites of the Phantom. Fans Please if you have a choice check this out there should be something special going on in the 3rd fattest state .
The Rangers and Phillies . The Douche bowl, a match up of the phantom's least favorite teams. Cliff Lee faces Nolan Ryan and his ever disappointed face. I am pretty sure every sports channel will wet their pants over this one but really it's not as exciting as it looks.

Finally the Mariners and Padres. I don't know why this one catches my eye. I guess its because there will be some solid pitching performances. Michael Pineda has been a beast for Seattle and The Morgan Freemans(21st round) going 5-2 with a 2.45 era with 52 strikeouts. With King Felix ,Ichro, Phantom Favorite Brendan Ryan, and That new Outfielder Carlos Peguero who is learning how to hit on the major league level. Seattle is putting it back together. Also Justin Smoak is going to be a beast. I don't want to talk more about San Diego because I just did.

I am looking forward to this weekend . I have off from work and its payday so I will enjoy the first go around of Inter-league play. So if you go out to your local bar shout out "Phantom Ballplayer" at the top of your lungs and your bartender will give you a free beer. Seriously give it a try. We worked something out with every bar in the world.... Ok it's not true but do it any you will get so many digits... Ok maybe not but it's a lot of fun. So enjoy payday and Enjoy Inter-league play. I would like to say in closing ... Whats Up Canada, Denmark, England, Singapore, Germany and The United Arab Emriates. Keep on Reading, ( in your respective languages )

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

The Pope always these padres to touch balls... Baseballs, Come on grow up

What a weekend folks, shit was mediocre. The Mets were playing so good David Wright broke his fucking back.... I am not fucking kidding he has a stress fracture in his back. Its bad enough David bumped Ike Davis and then Ike sprained his left ankle twice....TWICE, I am probably wrong on that assessment but I think you get my point I am a bit frustrated with the black cloud that arrived at Flushing in 2006.

My point is fans, The San Diego Padres( who didn't see that coming) have been raking lately. Since lets say the 10th of May have put up 51 runs and its only been 5 days thats almost 10 runs a day. The Padres if you don't know means Fathers in spanish . Also they are one of the 500 teams that makes up the California teams. There are too many. Whatever they have been under preforming for years. You might say it's not the teams fault, how can they compete with that big of a ball park , with no money , with no real draw and a middle of the road farm system that doesn't really wow anyone ? My answer is Ok so you got some problems but you got chubby superstar and Mets cast off Heath Bell ( Any one see any marketing campaigns here) Mat Latos who is too cool for a second T in his name and and hmm well a bunch of no ones who might be good but might not be good. Their Gm is an Odd duck my San-d friends. They have a ball park that makes second rate pitchers look fantastic and all he went after was Orlando Hudson and Jason Bartlett. There were some good pitchers out there during the off season right? I mean The Mets signed Capuano who is better then expected and Chris Young who is exactly where I thought he'd be by now . On the Disabled List , I have very low expectations for my self too so don't get down on your self Chris.

Back to what I am trying to say is that San D is doing some work for the past week. But
that could all stop in two days . Why? I ask so many questions , Dustin Mosely is on the bump for the pedophiles ( Oh shit t-shirt ideas, They should give the losing pitchers shirts that say " I got touched up by the Padres and no one believes me... Sorry friends who went to Catholic school shits really just funny. PUBLIK SCOOL RULZ.. ) . If you are fans you might remember I had a post where I said I felt bad for dusty because he had like a 1.60 something era and lost every start because the padres couldn't hit. Well He's now 1-5 and he throws on Weds so its worth a watch if you have the time and if its on . Try Mlb.Tv shits pretty cool. They have a free game of the day and as long as you don't live in that area you can watch it without a fucking black out and making me have to actually work. Son of a Bitch .
This one is for you M.D: Fuck your Hambino's your infield is trash. TRASH! You haven't played a good team yet. One more week until The real Show down happens. A week Full of trash talk and guess what , I have an off week again so I am going to be 150% in it . The Morgan Freemans are back ! Don't down play the Blue Jays man , Bautista another Mets castoff ( yes its true ,Kris Benson and Ty Wiggington deal) is the truth he changed his stance like Granderson and its worked out.

Enough about Fathers and how next week M.D and My friendship will be put to the test. I want to talk about some shit . I want to hit on a few things before I go. Now along with baseball I am a huge football fan and when the Football season starts I will write about the best football team in New York... The Giants! But After hearing that The 8th Circuit Court of Appeals granted the NFl's request to have the lock out in place. That pissed me off so much. Why are the owners and the union not working together here? Now I side with the Players Union and I think there shouldn't be an 18 game schedule because that would kill these guys. Players make a lot of money but they go out there and destroy themselves every sunday. Guess What Owners you'll make money, Players will make money , Fans will go out in droves to see the games and take a page out of baseballs book ( without steroids, Peyton Manning can be the next Farve without the dick pictures). Finally Lets Go Bulls!

P.S- I just heard the Best Top ten intro slogan on ESPN ... The Audacity of Dope... Thats I call your Mom... BOOM ROASTED Take that Vin Marzzaro. Cleveland just Ran shop on your face 19-1. That really didn't make too much sense , but both points are solid.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Yanks Lose, Shitty Weather, But I'm Tearing Shit up in Fantasy Baseball.

I know this isn't from last night, but it's the closest picture I could find, fuck off haters.
        The title of this one pretty much says it all, The Great Hambino's are killing it right now, second place, but my overall dominance is nearly unbelievable. On to the second point, what the fuck Yankees? Over the past 5 games the Yankees have played worse than I've ever seen them. A-Rod is out there getting paid half a gazillion dollars, getting frosted tips on his hair and doing a spot on Bill Buckner impression. Was he trying to insult the Red Sox? Didn't quite work, because they spanked the Yankees. All three games. This Jorge Posada mess hasn't helped matters either. Am I enough of a defeatist to say the Yankees are on their way to an awful season? Absolutely not. Granted they have a bunch of old guys and seemed like they decided to nap rather than play any kind of defense, but they'll be back. Let those bunch of New England degenerates celebrate now, cause like good old Jack Donaghy said, we'll dance in October.
    What the fuck is going on with Jose Bautista? Guys having three home run games, he hit 50 home runs last season, and like 4 people outside of Toronto and 6 people who live there had heard of him before last year. Maybe he's on steroids, I don't know, but I do know he is most assuredly wasting his time in Toronto, the Arizona Diamondbacks of the AL East. Granted, that's not their fault, but really what purpose do they serve? They're playing exactly .500 baseball, which is pretty close to the way they end up every season. There's little to no point to their existence, I'm like 99% sure that no one in Canada even gives a shit about baseball, they're too worried about the never-ending hockey season and curling or some shit. Hit all the home runs you want Jose Bautista, you're still going to spend the fall battling for last place with the Baltimore Orioles.
       On a more positive note, did anyone else happen to catch that Reds-Cardinals game the other day? I wasn't aware that there was even a rivalry with them, if that makes me dumb, so be it. I don't know shit about the Mid-West, never pretended to. (Except that one time...)But it got pretty heated there at the end. The MLB Network was eating that shit up, I must have seen that clip of Francisco Cordero plunking Pujols like 50 times while I pretended to write my last ever college paper. Then he struck out Lance Berkman, who is apparently going through some kind of crazy renaissance, and proceeded to end the game by yelling some shit into the Cardinals clubhouse. I never got that vibe from Cordero before, especially because Albert Pujols might be the most terrifying man on the planet, have you seen those forearms? I think they might be implants bro. I am kinda psyched to keep an eye on this though, I would be totally down to watch a Reds-Cardinals battle royale.
   Finishing up strong today, let's talk about the goddamned Mets. They headed down to Houston for a second take on the budding rivalry they have with the Houston Astros for last place in their respective divisions. The Mets took the series from the Astros, and had this awesome shit occur, as well as some kid named Justin Turner spend his whole day raking. He's a callup from the Buffalo Bisons, and played a bit for the Orioles last season. He hit a clutch double and a three run home run in a game that didn't do much except make Mets fans get excited about the future and leave Astros fans feeling worse than they did Clemens was over there. The Mets are still a mess, but they are bringing up a lot of solid young ballplayers, so if they can avoid a fuckup as big as Ike Davis's broken leg last week then they might be able to turn things around eventually. They were a terribly run organization for a long time, so hopefully they can turn things around over the next decade or so. Also I had never seen this picture before Saturday when I bumped into it while stumbling around Manhattan and it nearly made me wet my pants. That or 250 Bud Lights I spent my day drinking, but I'd say the billboard would have done it.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Really Posada?

So I told myself I was going to take a few days off, clear my head, not write about baseball, etc. etc. etc. but something happened last night that I think needs to be discussed, and who can discuss it better than Phantom Ballplayer? Probably no one.
    Bryan told you all about how irrelevant the Yankees-Red Sox series is these days. I disagree, but I do see where he's coming from. This series might not mean anything standings wise, but looking at baseball specifically through stats and standings is fucking boring. Watching the Yankees and Red Sox play is like going to war. Granted, you have to deal with a lot of assholes who only watch the Yankees when they play the Red Sox, go out to the bar and get drunk and noisy and dumber than they already were, but for a real fan, it's always worth watching. It's a battle, but a battle between fans moreso than players. These games mean a lot, and as a fan, I expect the Yankees to go out there ready to rip shit up. There has been a million great moments in this rivalry, I mean, Jeter threw himself into the fucking stands for an out. This brings me to my point, every day, but especially when the Red Sox are in town, you play as hard as you fucking can.
    The Yankees aren't exactly known for treating their veteran players well. Bernie Williams? Possibly the worst way to treat a player ever.(Keep in mind, the Texas Rangers treated Michael Young like shit. Clubhouse unity my balls.) Jorge Posada has been having a tough time. The Yankees pretty much told him they don't want him catching ever again, signing Russel Martin who is filling that role like a champ, and waiting for Jesus Montero to come up, and sorta left Posada in the lurch. The poor bastard gave his knees and back to the Yankees, and they didn't give him much in return. Odds are he won't be resigned, and no other team is going to want a DH that's batting .165. In Jorge's defense, he should be pissed. He should think the Yankees are dicks. He's also getting paid some ridiculous sum of money ($71,000 A DAY) to sit there and swing a bat every once and a while and maybe offer some advice to the new kids coming up.
     What you don't do is take yourself out of the lineup. Personally, I think a lot of Posada's problem this season is a negative attitude. He's made it very clear that he wants to catch and that he thinks he should be. Unfortunately, that's not his decision, and moping about it in the press is totally unacceptable. Yesterday Posada was slated to bat 9th in the lineup, then about an hour before the game, he took himself out for "tightness in his back". That sounds to me like a spoiled fucking baby. Back tightness? Not at all. You're just pissed your batting low in the lineup. Joe Girardi switched Swisher down to the 8th spot, and Swish didn't say a word. I hate to have to say things like this about Jorge Posada, but he made it necessary. It's a Red Sox game, you go out there and play your fucking heart out. As a fan, myself and the other million people watching the game are the only reason you get to be a professional ballplayer. So don't take yourself out over what you see as "disrespect". There are millions of people who would give anything to do what you do for a day. Does Posada deserve respect? 110%. He helped win 5 World Series' and has been a major part of the Yankee offense and defense for as long as I can remember. But when your batting .165, you move down in the lineup. That's just the way things work.
     Posada was annoyed that Brian Cashman held a press conference during the game to discuss it, but it was a big deal. Cashman did what he had to do, and now Posada is looking at sanctions from the league for insubordination, and could even be placed on the restricted list for pulling this shit. It's just not worth it. All Posada is doing by acting like an asshole is hurting his own chances to stay with the Yankees in the offseason, and hurting his own reputation in the eyes of the fans. It's the fucking Red Sox man, suck it up and play like a man. 

Saturday, May 14, 2011

I anit to proud to beg but , can someone tell Tim McCarver and Joe Buck to shut the hell up.

So today started and it really wasn't anything too specatualr . Normally I wake up to the sounds of cartoon birds cherping soft but yet loud happy tunes or how its know by me, police scirens and trucks hitting this one speed bump that they know is there but still drive 100 mph over hit so when their "cargo" finally hits the ground it makes this loud bang like a cannon being shot off. As I got my shit together and wondered into work the day just leveled off even the Mets losing to Houston today didn't even effect my malaise until I got a text from my brother saying that him and my father both had plans tonight and I would be on my own for dinner. With a new skip in my step I went to the local food store and duh' picked up some food. Got it all ready turned on Mlb network and then turned on "The Biggest game of the year" and my improved mood was stopped in its tracks all due to the voices of Joe Buck and Tim McCarver.

Now it might just be me or if you might feel the same way but Tim and Joe have to be the worst broadcast team since Joe Morgan and John Miller left Espn Sunday night baseball. For years they have been ruining my watching experience and Its not like I can turn on the radio and listen to the Yankees on 880 cbs radio. John Sterling and Suzanne Waldeman ( my dog is ow losing his shit. Not because of her voice but because he is a huge Clemens fan) are just as bad if not worse.

Joe Buck if you don't know is the son of the late John Buck who called St.Louis Cardinals games before he past away a few years back. Joe only calls the biggest games of the week. In both Football and Baseball. Joe is always paired with old athletes that have had their bell rung so many times that its almost sad but you giggle overtime they always say the wrong thing. So Joe has to carry the broad cast with just no senseical facts and his unbridled hatred of the Yankees , Mets, and Dodgers. Whenever he calls a game he says these very condescending factoids that drive people crazy. I'll get back to Joe later but I have to talk about Tim for a minute.

Now with Tim McCarver , my dis like of his broadcast style has been born out of frustration. I understand this guy caught Bob Gidson for years. So you know his brain is scrambled. Tim used to call Mets games with Fran Healy who also was carrying around a plate of scrambled eggs up in his dome. So my expectations when ever Tim talks is very low to start with. But like soup I boil over time with frustration .By the 4th inning of him calling guys who's name is Juan Pedro or Gonzalez when their name is Johnson. It gets to be a pain in the balls. So it's not just me who has an opinion about Tim. I knew Seth McFarlane and I had something else in common besides a winning personality and an amazing singing voice...Sadly that was a lie I only sing like an angel.

I was once told that Joe Buck looked like a giant penis. I think this person who told me was either a 40 something year old father of 2 or it was a 20 something girl who is a life long Yankees fan. Obviously it doesn't matter who said it, its fucking true and its fucking hilarious. I wonder if Joe misses Troy Aikman during the season? Which one of his partially brain dead co-host does he prefer? So many questions need answers.

I want to know from other teams fans feel the same way? Does anyone feel Joe Buck is ushering in the apocalypse with his well crafted voice? Lets hope not.

Friday, May 13, 2011

The Red Sox and Yankees renew their rivalry tonight. The whole world stops and asks Who Cares anymore?

So this weekend is the second meeting of perennial power houses The New York Yankees
and Boston Red Sox. Like the rest of the world except for M.D, Alec Baldwin, and John Karsinski I just don't care anymore. Now it could just be me being a Mets fan and haven't really been apart of that rivalry ever so I guess I wouldn't understand it to a fans perspective. But as a baseball fan I just don't get it anymore. This rivalry has died out after 2004.

Lets face it the days where teams are scared of the Yankees are pretty much over. Its over blown hype. Granted the Yankees still have a top ranking offense but really they are done. The fact that each year there is a team in the A.L east that gets better and they keep on getting older and older. The Yankees make no moves to help their future and hold on to prospects they have no intention of ever bringing up. The front office has no balls. You might disagree but they don't Brian Cashman never wanted to sign Rafael Soriano and his hand was forced due to the P.R nightmare that is the ownership. The whole Derek Jeter contract shit show. Come on where was he going to go ? Nowhere you could have held off till spring training where he would have signed a 2 year 12 million dollar contract.Its really sad . The Yankees are like Ben Affleck in Dazed and Confused. Kind of intimidating but really is just full of shit and peaked two years ago.

Now don't jump on your bitchacycle and get on me about being a Yankee hater and a Red Sox supporter . Those days are done after they beat the Yankees. Listen the Red Sox are the biggest bunch of procrastinators in the league. We all know that the Red Sox opened up their man sized purse this year and went out and got some players. Adrian Gonzalez and Carl Crawford were supposed to user in a new reign of speed, power and defense up in Bean town but they have failed horribly to start this season. Tell me Boston fans are you satisfied with how they started out this season? I bet you're not being tied with the Blue Jays for last place cannot sit well with Red Sox fans. But Red sox fans are so distracted by the Bruins playoff run they have yet to get into baseball. The Sox have more of an uphill climd then the yankees ahead of them. Just like the Yankees they are held hostage by aging players that helped them win championships. Ortiz, Varitek and Drew have to be on their last legs. The only thing that keeps Ortiz in a line up besides his sweet sideburns is he can hit bombs.
Now we are at a point in the season where games aren't looked into seriously but for some reason when the Yankees play the Red Sox its world news. Why just answer me that! I want to know why I should care about the 2nd place Yankees playing the 4th place Red Sox battling for .500 on the season. I am more interested in watching The Heat against the Bulls then this series. I would rather watch basketball the baseball. Shits gone crazy.

Maybe I can swing my interest level if I break down their line up. It can spark something. 1b-Teixira v Gonzalez- even, Its two boring dudes
2b- Cano V The Lazer Show Pedroia,-edge goes to Cano, Even though I am A huge Dustin Pedoria fan. I hope he reads the Phantom.
ss-Jeter V Lowire,- Lowire sorry Jeter is not that good anymore
3b-A-Rod v Youkilis, - Even they are both huge tools
rf-Swisher v Drew- Swish got it because he is a bro
cf-Granderson v Elsbury- Granderson is crushing it right now plus he is a champ... Watch the full clip its pretty awesome... It proves a point.
lf- Gardner V Crawford- even
C- Martin v Saltalmachia- Martin by name only and he also is crushing with Granderson
Dh- Posada v Ortiz- Ortiz only because when Ortiz became useless he hit 25 home runs.
Sp-Colon,C.C and Garcia v Buckhotlz,Beckett, and Lester - Red Sox rotation its just a better match up for them. With Stem cell Colon and Captain Crunch being the only threat ( for now) to the Red Sox.
Rp/Cp-Joba, Soriano and Riviera( the tribe bridge, Thats awesome Chris) v Bard, Jenks and Papelbon- Come on do I have to say it.

Looking at these match ups and after all these years hearing who's better. Honestly I just can't bring my self to care to throw my shit stirring hat into the ring. It's only May and The Nba is getting so interesting .... Not really, but its still early so lets step back from words like worlds greatest rivalries when we still have the 90's Knicks and Bulls, Popeye and Bluto ,Goofy against the Board of education and Lebron James against his own messed up view of himself ( You cant defend me , Bitch crying after the game like beating the beaten down Celtics was a surprise. ).

OH I forgot this post was supposed to be about how Bruce Springsteen was inducted in the Little League Hall of Fame two years before he was inducted into the Rock and Roll hall of fame. I found that really cool but as I wrote the body paragraph I realized I got my point across in the first sentence and it would of been a terribly written blog. Thats coming from me , the guy who wrote two top ten lists because there was nothing on t.v.

P.S - I just want to touch on a story thats on Twins legend Harmon Kilabrew has decided to stop his cancer treatment.
Its sad to hear to that someone has cancer and its also sad to hear that everything he has tried is not working. I wish his family well for the next stage of his fight.
If anyone who wants to get involved with the American Cancer Society I have place the link in this sentence.

Also on a kind of lighter note. We are going to start a contest for guest Writer of the month. Sounds super exciting.
If you want to partake, there are some steps you have to take.

Step 1
1. Like us on Facebook and send us your prospective post in a message.
1b. You must promote the site for at least a month.

2. You must write about baseball in some way :for example - teams, players, games, games you've attended, Anything you've noticed about the game the list goes on and on

3. It can be as long as you need it to be but please don't write your own version of Ulysses.

4. If you want to have any links added make note of it in the message with () so we know where to put them

5. If You send us a virus I will find you and go all Cobra on your ass

6. Prize T.B.D - right now its nothing but lets see how this goes maybe we figure out a great prize but the prize right now is you'll be posting on the coolest blog ever.

( Yeah There is some errors in this Im trying to watch the Mets Beat the Astros. Bay, Wright and Martinez Homer lets hope they hold it down.... and they do )

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Where Did Joey Votto Come From? No not Krypton but close

So I have been mucking around because I have the day off from both of my jobs and in my ever expanding boredom I started checking out stats on which I do when I am waiting to figure out how I will lose my fantasy matchup this week. Yes folks its not looking good for the Old Morgan Freemans. Three terrible weeks in a row losing to Funch's offensively named team " SheDougitWhenIFister"(get it because of the Pitcher Doug Fister and the sex act that involves a fist and a hole , He's so clever... ) yeah Yahoo let that one slide but a picture of Morgan Freeman eating cotton candy was labeled as offensive. Also I was horribly beaten by my brothers team of BlueberryStrudels which was bad enough but since he hasn't set his lineup since I put the rosters in after the draft and also he picked his team based on attractiveness. I couldn't win until last week where we squeaked out a 8-6 win over J-mart but it could of been more but I forgot to start Halladay and he threw like a million strike outs so yeah not having a good start.

But back to My point . So when I was checking out stats for possible trades. I looked up Joey Votto. That dude is rediculus in his 4 years of being in the majors he has only batted under .300 once and it was .297 . Which right now has him batting .316 for his career he's like fucking Stone Cold Steve Austin expect instead of beers and the Stone Cold Stunner he crushes baseballs and the ladies of Cinncinati and I bet he crushes beers because he is the cooler of the the 2010 mvp's unlike the wounded warrior Josh Hamilton.

Joey Votto if you didn't know by now was drafted in the 2nd round in 2002 by the Reds as a catcher. Born in Toronto the 6'3 first basemen made his major league debut in 2007 and has been running shop ever since. the next 2 seasons hitting over 24 home runs and driving in 84 rbis. Votto was poised to have a break out year in 2010. With that icey cold Canadian blood
running through his vains, that really small right field in Great American Ballpark which makes other ball planks seems less patriotic and a young team on the verge of fucking up Albert Pujlos The Cardinals and his gigantic bald head( Its cool we are in the Giant Bald Head Club together so i can make fun of him like that. ) surpassed all expectations. Hitting 37 blasts driving in 117 stealing 16 bases and with a .324 average he was one of the forces that drove the Reds to the playoffs. Unfortunitally they ran into Roy Halladay and the Philidildos.

The Reds had an early exit and have been stewing with their rage over the off season which would explain signing Edgar Renteria. Now I don't claim to be a baseball Zues, which doesn't make sense because Zues never predicted anything he just fucked with peoples shit and I think he pretended to be a goat and did stuff that goats normally don't do. But maybe there might be a return of the Big Red Machine. With Jay Bruce, Brandon Phillips, Homer Bailey, Aroldis Chapman, Drew Stubbs and Johnny Gomes who after leaving Tampa Bay found out that he is a power hitter.

So world prepare for the reign of Joey Votto. Atleast 6 more years of solid production.

p.s - There were a couple of South Park clips in there. Its because I am super excited for new Episodes every Wednsday at 10 on comedy central.