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Monday, May 9, 2011

Poor Andre Ethier

   
     So Ethiers' hit streak comes to an end at thirty, just like the last few attempts at breaking DiMaggio's record have.No one has gotten beyond the thirty hit game mark since Chase Utley went 35 games in 2006. As psyched as I got on Ethiers' run, it's still kind of nice to see that some records in baseball will probably always stand. DiMaggios 56, as well as Cal Ripkens 2,632 games, seem like impossible feats to accomplish, especially with how astounding Major League pitching has been over the past couple of years, and the way players are coddled these days. It's always exciting to watch someone go for a record, and sometimes just as exciting to see one last for seventy years and counting. I watched Ethier strike out in the 8th inning against some clown on the Mets with a douche-y moustache, but if you want the truth, I was kind of hoping to see history. What's even worse than that is he went 2-4 against R.A. Dickey the next day.
     I guess they got bored of his games, so the Mariners cut Milton Bradley today. (I really hope all of you got that, easily the most universal bad joke I've ever made.) This doesn't really come as much of a surprise. Bradley has been playing terribly, and is well known as an overall shitty clubhouse guy. He's bounced around to like 8 teams in his time in the Majors, and I doubt he'll get to a 9th. Milton Bradley has got to be done. It's one thing to put up with him being a fucking nutjob when he's producing, but he hasn't done that in a long time. The guy tore his ACL arguing with an umpire, not even playing! He shat all over the Cubs while he was playing for them, and he once went into the press box to confront a broadcaster he felt insulted him. Bradley clearly has some anger issues, he also clearly has no way to deal with them. He's a goddamned man child. Do I like a little bit of crazy in my ballplayers? Absolutely. Can I often be found punching fences and knocking over 45 year old second basemen in softball? Your goddamned right I can. But there's such a thing as drawing a line, and that's something Milton Bradley has never done. So he's been designated for assignment by the Mariners, and your baseball Zeus says he won't be back in the Majors, look out Long Island Ducks! (or, if there is a God in heaven, he'll make a hilarious Angry-Met Tandem with K-Rod.)
      You know what's nice to see? Derek Jeter playing like he used to, even if it's just for one game. Watching him play against the Rangers on Sunday was just fucking awesome. Like Jeet was a kid all over again. He even looked happy doing it. For a Yankee team that's been majorly lacking in offense and defense lately, it was nice to see them all enjoying themselves. Personally, it's nice to watch the Texas Rangers get the shit kicked out of them, especially by Fransico Cervelli, even if he does look a little bit like the Great Gazoo. Will your resident baseball Zeus go so far as to say that the Jeter of old is back? Maybe not, but fuck all you haters. The captains still got range for days, and he's about to get three thousand hits. What the fuck have you done?
     Look for the Oakland A's tonight, it's going to be a big night for them. Taking on their defacto rivals in the AL West, the Texas Rangers, the A's have got Trevor Cahill stepping up against C.J. "I'm straightedge and I go on maternity leave" Wilson. (I really wish I could tell you why I hate the Texas Rangers the way that I do.) Statistically, the game is pretty unimportant. It's only May 9th, and neither team is in first place, but being tied in the standings, it could prove to be a little bit of foreshadowing (that's two years worth of being an English major that is.) for the rest of the season. Cahill is 5-0 with a 1.79 ERA and and 38 strikeouts, pretty impressive, and it's exactly why I drafted him in my fantasy league; C.J. Wilson is 4-1 with a 2.92 ERA and 46 strikeouts. We can all agree that one is pretty evenly matched,and I'm thinking this game will shape up to be bit of a pitchers duel. Again, the smart money is on my dudes the Oakland A's.
      Remember waaaaaaaay back when when I proposed that the Pirates are not as bad as any vaguely competent baseball watcher though? Boom! Maybe kinda sorta right again my friends. The Pirates are playing .500 ball right now, which hasn't happened for them since June of 2005. That's a long goddamned time. They've got a series against the Dodgers coming up, and they've obviously been struggling a bit, so it's a good chance for the Pirates to break the .500 mark and maybe bring a little respect back to Pittsburgh, which went out the window a bit when their prize quarterback raped someone and they got stomped by the good old underdog Green Bay Packers. Oh, also, not having a winning baseball season in 18 years will probably do that to you too. The Pirates are on a surge, and the Dodgers are on a downswing, so you've got to go with the Pirates on this one, if only to root for the little guy every now and then.

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