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Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Where Did Joey Votto Come From? No not Krypton but close




So I have been mucking around because I have the day off from both of my jobs and in my ever expanding boredom I started checking out stats on Mlb.com which I do when I am waiting to figure out how I will lose my fantasy matchup this week. Yes folks its not looking good for the Old Morgan Freemans. Three terrible weeks in a row losing to Funch's offensively named team " SheDougitWhenIFister"(get it because of the Pitcher Doug Fister and the sex act that involves a fist and a hole , He's so clever... ) yeah Yahoo let that one slide but a picture of Morgan Freeman eating cotton candy was labeled as offensive. Also I was horribly beaten by my brothers team of BlueberryStrudels which was bad enough but since he hasn't set his lineup since I put the rosters in after the draft and also he picked his team based on attractiveness. I couldn't win until last week where we squeaked out a 8-6 win over J-mart but it could of been more but I forgot to start Halladay and he threw like a million strike outs so yeah not having a good start.

But back to My point . So when I was checking out stats for possible trades. I looked up Joey Votto. That dude is rediculus in his 4 years of being in the majors he has only batted under .300 once and it was .297 . Which right now has him batting .316 for his career he's like fucking Stone Cold Steve Austin expect instead of beers and the Stone Cold Stunner he crushes baseballs and the ladies of Cinncinati and I bet he crushes beers because he is the cooler of the the 2010 mvp's unlike the wounded warrior Josh Hamilton.

Joey Votto if you didn't know by now was drafted in the 2nd round in 2002 by the Reds as a catcher. Born in Toronto the 6'3 first basemen made his major league debut in 2007 and has been running shop ever since. the next 2 seasons hitting over 24 home runs and driving in 84 rbis. Votto was poised to have a break out year in 2010. With that icey cold Canadian blood
running through his vains, that really small right field in Great American Ballpark which makes other ball planks seems less patriotic and a young team on the verge of fucking up Albert Pujlos The Cardinals and his gigantic bald head( Its cool we are in the Giant Bald Head Club together so i can make fun of him like that. ) surpassed all expectations. Hitting 37 blasts driving in 117 stealing 16 bases and with a .324 average he was one of the forces that drove the Reds to the playoffs. Unfortunitally they ran into Roy Halladay and the Philidildos.

The Reds had an early exit and have been stewing with their rage over the off season which would explain signing Edgar Renteria. Now I don't claim to be a baseball Zues, which doesn't make sense because Zues never predicted anything he just fucked with peoples shit and I think he pretended to be a goat and did stuff that goats normally don't do. But maybe there might be a return of the Big Red Machine. With Jay Bruce, Brandon Phillips, Homer Bailey, Aroldis Chapman, Drew Stubbs and Johnny Gomes who after leaving Tampa Bay found out that he is a power hitter.

So world prepare for the reign of Joey Votto. Atleast 6 more years of solid production.


p.s - There were a couple of South Park clips in there. Its because I am super excited for new Episodes every Wednsday at 10 on comedy central.

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