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Monday, May 30, 2011

Why I hate the Phillies... A special Memorial Day Post.

Hey everyone hows your holiday weekend going ? Our international viewers who are just looking up picture of muppets, weird but how is your weekend going? Mine you may ask is going pretty pretty pretty good. I made bank at both my jobs so I can at least get some gas in my car so I can drive in traffic, got a little faced last night at my cousins Bbq and Oh yeah won my fantasy match up against the champ himself M.d. I won 9-6 over the week against his trash of a team The Morgan Freemans have come back to glory by winning the last 3 matchups in a row! But I am still in last places of the toughest division in the league we are all separated by one game so the champ is going from the West this year. But there was something that bugged the crap out of me friday to sunday afternoon. The Phillies were in town needless to say I was not thrilled.

Coming off their 19 inning game against the Reds the Phillies and the hordes of unwashed
diasesd ridden psychopaths also know as Philly Fans took their undeserved swagger and red shirts to the greatest ball park in the country (Citi field) for a holiday weekend series against well the beaten and battered New York Bisons... sorry I mean Mets and took 2 out of three. The Phillies jumped on shitty bullpen work the first two games by tying the game up in the 8th and then adding on 3 runs after some gutsy starting pitching by Chris Capuano and Mike Pelfery who stopped licking him self long enough to throw 7 innings of solid ball. The Mets took the sunday day game 9-5 with Jose Reyes who the New york papers should stop this idiotic Jeter countdown to 3000 and have a countdown until he is traded and thousands of girls throw out their mets jerseys, hit 2 triples and the rest of the team did stuff too but I really want get to the point.They might of taken 2 of 3 but we here in New York still don't consider Philly a real sports town.

Here it is why do I hate the Phillies. Heads up the language is going to get rough. I hate the Phillies for one reason and one reason only . Marketing! Shocked, offended , well you should be. I have been racking my brain for the last few months trying to figure out catch phrases , t shirt ideas, and maybe a mascot. And here are these mother phuckers putting PH in front of everything with an F sound. PHUCK THEM. PHUCKING unbelievable! The balls of these Phucktards. Now I know what your thinking . They have been around for like 100 years and you guys have been around since March, why would you call your self "Phantom Ballplayer" what does it even mean, why are you guys so good at baseball, jokes, placing picture in the center right and left , and why are there no other curse word that starts with an F sound, we have three ways to spell there, their, they're but one curse word that starts with an F come on English get with it. Nevertheless I wanted to start calling you guys Phans (get it ) like how barstool call its readers stoolies . But I'll never get the Phucking chance now. I just pheel so empty because f all the great opportunities that have just passed us by. Then again calling you guys Phans is super lame. Also Phanatic come on that awful.

That is seriously it I don't hate the players on the Philidildos, I just realized I have written 3 paragraphs and hadn't used my owen nickname for these Phucking Phuck Phaces or their fans I get it I understand why everyone hates on them because they have good teams its just that they are loud unruly and have beaten down pregnant seniors and have thrown up on little girls. Everyone hates the team at the top. Now that they have 3 really good pitchers and Cole Hamels who I actually hate. That dude is a huge asshole. If I had the choice of being the white guy in Mike Tyson's punch out and only get punched in the balls or wear a Cole Hamels jersey.... Goodbye testicles it's been a blast.
(If you cant tell its Halladay as Allan, Lee as Phil, Oswaltt as Stu, and Hamels as Carlos from the Hangover, Google Images is the best invention ever)
Anyway have a good Memorial Day thank a veteran. If you don't know any veterans then you should go outside more often. Have fun drink beers, eat burgers, get sunburned and Phuck Filly. Now I am in the mood to watch the Hangover before work... I gotta see Hangover to to complete the saga.
-My laptop was ablaze with the red underline for misspelled words. Its all was odd to see the suggestions for Philidildos.

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