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Monday, May 16, 2011

Yanks Lose, Shitty Weather, But I'm Tearing Shit up in Fantasy Baseball.

I know this isn't from last night, but it's the closest picture I could find, fuck off haters.
        The title of this one pretty much says it all, The Great Hambino's are killing it right now, second place, but my overall dominance is nearly unbelievable. On to the second point, what the fuck Yankees? Over the past 5 games the Yankees have played worse than I've ever seen them. A-Rod is out there getting paid half a gazillion dollars, getting frosted tips on his hair and doing a spot on Bill Buckner impression. Was he trying to insult the Red Sox? Didn't quite work, because they spanked the Yankees. All three games. This Jorge Posada mess hasn't helped matters either. Am I enough of a defeatist to say the Yankees are on their way to an awful season? Absolutely not. Granted they have a bunch of old guys and seemed like they decided to nap rather than play any kind of defense, but they'll be back. Let those bunch of New England degenerates celebrate now, cause like good old Jack Donaghy said, we'll dance in October.
    What the fuck is going on with Jose Bautista? Guys having three home run games, he hit 50 home runs last season, and like 4 people outside of Toronto and 6 people who live there had heard of him before last year. Maybe he's on steroids, I don't know, but I do know he is most assuredly wasting his time in Toronto, the Arizona Diamondbacks of the AL East. Granted, that's not their fault, but really what purpose do they serve? They're playing exactly .500 baseball, which is pretty close to the way they end up every season. There's little to no point to their existence, I'm like 99% sure that no one in Canada even gives a shit about baseball, they're too worried about the never-ending hockey season and curling or some shit. Hit all the home runs you want Jose Bautista, you're still going to spend the fall battling for last place with the Baltimore Orioles.
       On a more positive note, did anyone else happen to catch that Reds-Cardinals game the other day? I wasn't aware that there was even a rivalry with them, if that makes me dumb, so be it. I don't know shit about the Mid-West, never pretended to. (Except that one time...)But it got pretty heated there at the end. The MLB Network was eating that shit up, I must have seen that clip of Francisco Cordero plunking Pujols like 50 times while I pretended to write my last ever college paper. Then he struck out Lance Berkman, who is apparently going through some kind of crazy renaissance, and proceeded to end the game by yelling some shit into the Cardinals clubhouse. I never got that vibe from Cordero before, especially because Albert Pujols might be the most terrifying man on the planet, have you seen those forearms? I think they might be implants bro. I am kinda psyched to keep an eye on this though, I would be totally down to watch a Reds-Cardinals battle royale.
   Finishing up strong today, let's talk about the goddamned Mets. They headed down to Houston for a second take on the budding rivalry they have with the Houston Astros for last place in their respective divisions. The Mets took the series from the Astros, and had this awesome shit occur, as well as some kid named Justin Turner spend his whole day raking. He's a callup from the Buffalo Bisons, and played a bit for the Orioles last season. He hit a clutch double and a three run home run in a game that didn't do much except make Mets fans get excited about the future and leave Astros fans feeling worse than they did Clemens was over there. The Mets are still a mess, but they are bringing up a lot of solid young ballplayers, so if they can avoid a fuckup as big as Ike Davis's broken leg last week then they might be able to turn things around eventually. They were a terribly run organization for a long time, so hopefully they can turn things around over the next decade or so. Also I had never seen this picture before Saturday when I bumped into it while stumbling around Manhattan and it nearly made me wet my pants. That or 250 Bud Lights I spent my day drinking, but I'd say the billboard would have done it.

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