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Thursday, May 26, 2011

Your Fearless Leader Has Returned from Exile

    I'm back motherfuckers. I took some time off to grow as a person, re-evaluate my current life situation, and possibly hunt for a real job. That's clearly a lie, I took like two weeks off to lay around watching the Simpsons, nap, and drink three dollar Coor's Lights. It was solid as all get out, and I reccomend each and every one of you try it. Anyhow, during my self imposed exile, I came up with approximately 0 cool ideas for posts, but I'm going to do one anyway.
    Let's lead off with Buster Posey, everyone's favorite overrated rookie. The San Fransisco Giants, last years improbable World Champions and this years group of under-talented, overexposed clowns lost Buster Posey to an ankle injury last night. I'll never say out loud that I'm glad someone got a season ending injury, because it does suck, but maybe this will burst the Giant's bubble. I'm tired of everyone everywhere giving more credit than is due to these no talent ass clowns. At the end of last night's game, Posey was attempting to prevent Scott Cousins of the Marlins' from scoring, collision at the plate, etc. etc. The Giants are waiting until after he gets an MRI to say how fucked up his ankle really is, but this is a major blow for the Giants. Pablo Sandoval is out too, and Posey was primed to serve as an even bigger piece of the puzzle for them than he was last year. Yes, the Giants are in first in the dismal NL West, and even though I never entertained thoughts of that lasting, with Posey out, it's a certainty they'll complete their fall from grace.
       My aunt came to visit this week, and she's from Cincinnati, so let's talk about this 19 inning Red-Phillies game last night. Shit was ridiculous. As I watched Dirk Nowitzki end the Thunder's playoff dreams (that's right! we watch other sports here at phantom ballplayer too!) I couldn't help but see on ESPN's little ticker thing that this game was still going. I don't particularly care about the Reds or the Phillies, or the majority of the National League for that matter, but a 19 inning game is still cool as shit to watch.It was impossible for me to watch any of the game as it happened, but thank God for the MLB Network. Now, being a native of New York, I'm can't ever support the Phillies, it would crush my father, and Bryan might kill me, so as I watched the stupid ESPN ticker, I found myself pulling for the Reds. No such luck. In fact, embarrassingly enough, the heart of the Reds order got taken down by fucking Wilson Valdez. Never heard of him you say? Who is this young fireballer? No, you're not asking that because you already know Wilson Valdez is the Phillies fucking second basemen. Poor Cincinnati Reds, shot down by a second basemen. And he got the win! Insanity reigns in Major League Baseball these days folks. The last position player to start a game in the field and earn himself a win was fucking Babe Ruth. Valdez was apparently throwing around 90 miles an hour, for 5 innings, struck out three, plunked Scott Rolen, and got Joey Votto and Jay Bruce to fly out. Not too shabby for Chase Utley's replacement.
      Big ups to Mariano Rivera. Not only is he the greatest closer to ever play the game (fuck off K-Rod!) but he's also had 1,000 appearances with one team. That's loyalty. Also, why would anyone ever trade/not give a billion dollars to Mo? The guy has been a machine since he was officially named the closer in like 1995. 40 years old, 1 pitch, and still dominates everyone. So fucking cool. More New York news, the Mets agreed to sell part of the team for 200 million. Not to the dudes from Entourage, which frankly dissapoints me a little, I think they would have done a bang up job, but to some clown named David Einhorn. Hopefully he'll Steinbrenner the shit out of the Mets and turn things around, but don't hold your breath. It's good that the Mets were able to make this deal, seeing as they owe MLB like 3 times that to cover all their expenses, also the guys some kind of avid wierdo poker player who came in 18th in the World Series of Poker a few years ago, so maybe he'll bring an influx of cash, or lose the team to the Russian mob and bring in good old Paul LoDuca. It's nice to be back bitches.

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