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Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Let's All Get Ready to Hate Bryce Harper

     Bryce Harper, I mean this in the best way possible, you're a total dick. And I fucking love it. I've said before that I appreciate baseball players being assholes. I thrive on it, it makes me like a player that much more. When I say "asshole" I don't mean in the A-Rod vein, I mean in the whole "I'm fucking good at this and I know it" vein. Even in single A, you hit a home run, go ahead and blow a kiss at the guy. Hitting a home run is fucking hard, take it from someone who's never done it. The first thing I would do when if I were to hit one though? Blow a kiss. For the next 45 seconds, I'm the fucking man. Unwritten rules of baseball, etc. etc. I understand them, but baseball has gotten way too tame and respectful, that's why everyone thinks it's boring. There isn't the edge to it that it once had, even in these upcoming Yankee-Red Sox games, I know it's just going to be friendly smiles and handshakes all around, from my view though, it shouldn't be. Play hard, fuck with the other guy, and be a dick if you have to. Good luck, Bryce Harper, you're about to enter a world of shit, and not just for the ridiculous eye black.
     My big plan for today was to write about the draft, but that shit is totally boring. The baseball draft is totally different from the draft for other sports, it just isn't all that exciting, so I'm skipping it. Although, Trevor Bauer, who got drafted by Arizona out of UCLA, is someone I'm into as a player, like I just said about Bryce Harper, I'm into players who are kind of dicks, and Bauer is one, so good for him. Back to the matter at hand, Yankees-Red Sox. You've read here before about Bryan and I's differing opinions on the matter, but with both teams gunning for first place, it will definitely be a more interesting series this time around. Now that the Red Sox are playing the way everyone thought they would and Posada's bitching won't overshadow the series (hopefully) it's going to be much better. The Sox and the Yankees are both coming in hot right now, so it's going to be a fucking battle. My predictions here are obvious, the Yankees are going to take all three games and demoralize those nerds. Of course I'm terribly biased on this one, but deal with it.
    Good ol' Carlos Zambrano, he could keep me busy for weeks, but I like to take days off. After his bat breaking tantrum the other day, he decided to tee off on Carlos Marmol too, blaming him for the Cubs recent shit streak. He claimed the comments were out of frustration after getting swept by the Cardinals, but come on man, you're on a team, you have to keep your shit together. When you start blaming one guy for all your problems or otherwise showing cracks in the facade, that's when the real trouble starts. There are all sorts of reasons for the Cubbies troubles, not just that you think Marmol should have thrown a fucking fastball instead of a slider. All apologies have been made and everyone's all lovey-dovey again, but you shouldn't ever publicly criticize a teammate, especially when you're Carlos fucking Zambrano. It was nice too watch Pujols fucking crush two game winning home runs in a row huh? That motherfucker has a swing and a half.
      The Tigers, still the team with the ugliest names in baseball, helped a brother the fuck out yesterday. Brennan Boesch, teed off twice on those douchebags down in Arlington.Colby Lewis, who threw a gem the other day, got lit up for 9 runs in less than 4 innings. The Rangers are, unfortunately, dominating the AL West right now, but they got ROCKED last night. The Tigers won 13-7, just made Texas look weak, which I always appreciate. Nelson Cruz kept his hit streak going, and Ian Kinsler finally woke up after going 0-20. Still wasn't enough though as the mighty bat of Brennan Boesch, (seriously? I can't believe I just said that, but the kid has been raking lately) not only helped out Detroit, but also the Great Hambinos. That's all for today loyal readers, I'm gonna go take a goddamned nap.

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