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Wednesday, June 8, 2011

The summer sun got you down, This should pick you up. If not Fuck off



Its about 100 degrees outside here in Ol' New York I got a couple of hours before I go to work and a few more until Opening Day For the Hooligans. So I am perplexed, what should I write about should I write about something thats important, a top 10 of good players you've never heard of, Or just satisfy my ego and talk up the Hooligans....(Time laps of an hour) Ok I'll do a little sample of them all. Like a triple sampler at any good bar that serves good food or whatever.

What the hell has happened to Chris Carpenter? Carpenter who is now the ace of the
Cardinals because of the injury to Adam Wainwright. But Carpenter is usually solid the last 2 years he posted up 33 wins and 13 loses. Thats pretty good buddy thats out of 63 starts but this year he is right now 1-5 with a 4.25 era. Uhmm what the hell dude? Whats going on with you? Now its just turned june so time is running out champ. Its not like you don't have the talent you've won the Cy young back in 05 and there is something else I am forgetting . OH yeah Albert Pujols is on your team. The Cards have the team now they need Carp to turn him self around so they can have legs in October. Lets face it The Cards are making it to the NLCS this year. But they need Carpenter to really bring it. I don't know if any team is going to be a seller in July but they might need to bring in a rental type pitcher to help out. Now I might be blowing this slow start out of proportion but he is on the Morgan Freemans and I need him to start winning like tomorrow so I can reclaim my glory as the best team in the league. Just think of it Halladay, Lester, Latos, and Carpenter all winning games... Unbeatable.

OK so I don't really want to write a full top 10 with the humor and all the crazy shit I normally do so I will give you 3 of the best players that are in the Majors who've you barely know but should because they are resickulus, (I love that word, my teachers once told me if I make up words I continue to look like a jackass. Well, Look at me now you bastards).

3. Justin Smoak- 1b Seattle Mariners-Smoak was a former Texas Ranger but was the key piece
of the Cliff Lee deal last season. The Mariners finally got something for Cliff Lee instead of a last
place finish. Now getting regular playing time instead of battling the Ron Dayne of baseball (Chris Davis), and not getting daily sermons from Josh Hamilton and declining bumps of coke from Ron Washington. Smoak has found a home in the emerald city playing smooth defense and crushing the ball from the left side of the plate. Justin Smoak and the surging Young Mariners should be playing the Nationals in the 2014 World Series and the ratings will be 60,002 people watching it . The last two will be M.D and My self.

2 Ricky Romero - Starting Pitcher Toronto Blue Jays-Romero is a rising star up north. The only
reason I am saying he is unknown is because he is the ace of the Blue Jays, He has won 32 games in his 3 years up in the bigs, and I drafted him in the 15th round of the fantasy draft. Seriously he can win over 14 games pitching against the Red Sox, Rays and Yankees more then 5 times each. Ricky is a slick lefty with nasty stuff but since he plays in the homer happy great north with some nasty shit. But Joey Batts ( that is seriously what Jose Bautista is calling him self these days)and J.P Aracnaphobia taking up the spotlight from the rest of the team. Romero has to win the Cy young to get a fancy nick name I guess.

1. Neil Walker-2b Pittsburg Pirates-This is my dude right here
. Walker is in the top 20 of Rbis .
He was drafted as a 3rd basemen but since the Pirates have Pedro Alvarez who hasn't wowed anyone on the big league level. But Neil has been great hitting behind Charlie Murphy's bastard child Andrew McCuthen. Seriously google it. I think Walker might make the All star team. I also think I am going to be drafted 15th in this years Nba draft. But he has been a great prospect for the buckos.

Today starts the 3rd summer of the HOOLIGANS. Now overall we are 6-24 but we are a plucky group of young upstarts. This could be our year, we have a rebuilt outfield with the return of our buddy Rice from cali( I was gonna write about the dodgers or Angels but this is better) who joins Joey E, Rudy- who can't fail and J-mart who is hustling fools outta their cash. We have a budding pitching staff held down by the always funky Bkens ( he is the guitarist and yes he wrote the song) with Rudy as our #2 and J-mart as our closer. It was just as uncomfortable to write that as how funny you think it is that we have a closer. Our leader behind the plate. M.D with the fire of Ireland and the swing of Mark Mcgwire. M.D is the Johnny Bench of the Hooligans. If ground balls were home runs he'd be Hank Aaron. Im kidding he is a defensive wizard like Pudge Rodriguez. That brings us to the infield. What can I say about the Infield that hasn't been said before. Young, Talented, cat like reflexes tremendous leadership at the hot corner. As I return to the position I am born to play , Mikey and new comer Coletti take up the middle and it is all held down by second year 1st basemen Tommy The Big Cat. Lets not forget the bench that the Hooligans have some say it's the best in the league others say they are nice enough guys who mean well. Bones and J-fly can play multiple spots if need be. Bones has zen like focus at the dish where he wont swing unless it's a meatball. And With J-fly's new found enthusiasm and emerging raw talent he is poised to set up big for the hooligans this year. This should be a huge year for the Hooligans because a lot is on the line . Not only our we hunting for our first season with more then 2 wins. There as been an ultimatum placed. If we cannot win 4 or more games the Hooligans name and Jerseys will be vacated and left for history. So do we have what it takes? Should I have the readers of Phantom Ballplayer pick our new name? Should we give weekly updates and reviews of our games along with the witty reviews .Lists or whatever the hell you call my writing ? Yes, to all of those questions .


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