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Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Where have you gone Elijah Dukes ?

Oh where oh where have you gone to Fly Eli ? I have missed you so much this year you were the only reason why I would go to Mets Nationals games. I knew that at any moment with one bad call or you misplaying a pop up you would blow up and start a fight but not actually get into a fight. You'd always find away to get tossed before punches were thrown. Thats not your fault though, I think you could have done some damage bro. Remember that time you went to a D.c area Little league function and got fined for being late to practice ? I bet you went nuts and started shit with Adam Dunn and Ryan Zimmerman. The Nats didn't know what they had so they cut you before we really got to know you. But where are you now? I miss you buddy seriously. I know you read so I want you to know that we here loved the fact you once texted your know ex wife twice the first time was a picture of a gun and the next one was you telling here that the gun was for her. I don't blame you man. You cant send a picture message and also have a message under it sometimes people are just so engrossed by the picture they miss the message and lose all context for the textmessage.When I send out photos of my guns or penis I always send a following text usually its something like " Wheres my moneyz, Grandma" and " Don't let the pixels fool you it's really that blurry in real life. " but I am not here to talk about my text messaging habits I am here to talk about Fly Eli. Still the best post baseball nickname I have ever heard. I have listened to some of your raps and well I'll stop there I don't want you to lose your shit .It's not my cup of Colt 45 .

Well Thats it thats my post for now....Psych bitches. You really think that the first real post I do this week is about Elijah Dukes and Me sending my grandma text pictures of a ...gun ? You should know better by now. Before I move on I want to say there is nothing funny about endangering the life of someone who is the mother of your children or anyone in that matter. I hope that they are safely away from this dude and I hope his is taking this time away from baseball to get his shit together. But right now I think we should move on to poorly written word that make you laugh. Not because they are funny but because they show how the public school system failed me.
Lets get into the real facts. I stop watching Mets games this past two weeks and they have actually started to play like a good team. WHAT THe FUCK BRO! That shit is weak. NAh its cool because I am kinda pumped that the Marlins keep on losing and the Nationals are just to get into the Phantom Spot light so they can blow up . But that anti happening yet. Now I have to try and convince M.D to stop writing about his new man crush Bryce Harper. I fear the words " The Next Paul O'niel" will be uttered by M.D next season. Finally the Mets are following Jose Reyes lead and just fucking up anyone who gets in their way. Plus Dillon Gee is a straight up stud prospect. How fucking stupid are we that we didn't have this guy in the starting rotation in the beginning of the season. He is 8-0 so far and the Mets have won every start that he has had . Which make Mike Pelfery just go bananas and he hides behind his locker and licks himself until he has calmed down.

This is the second time I have mentioned that the big Pelf has a pention for licking him self. So I want to explain why Mets fans are laughing and you guys are just straching your head.
When Pelf came up about 5 years ago I'd like to say . He was a huge prospect for the Mets. Tall Young Fireballer with a heavy sinker with Ace potential. We were all hyped like no ones business. Collectively we all watched his first big league start and after the first pitch everyone in the stadium ( Fans, Vendors, The other Team, Cowbell man) and the people watching at home ( broke people, lasy people , the mentally insane and any other type of degenerate that calls them selves a Mets) were like "Did he just stick his tounge out ?". Apparently the minor league Report forgot to warn us that Mikey had him self a tick when he pitched. The strange thing is it worked to his advantage. The dude would be lights out when he gave the opposing batter the old raspberry. But then some fucking genius in the Mets organization said " This works lets try a mouth guard ,Oh wait that doesn't work lets make him stop doing the thing that made him resickulus" actual quote. So Pelf kept his tounge is mouth and the baseballs flew out of the park..... So since being shell shocked Mike has just started to lick his hands after every bad pitch. SO now you get it in 500 words or less.

To be honest I really hoped the Mets had a bad weekend like I did. I really wanted to blow up on something. But since they didn't and I watched game 6 of the Nba finals so that really
picked me up a lot . So you guys were saved a series bitching. I wear a double xl t-shirt, basketball shorts to work in an office and have to act professional , I have a size 8 fitted , eat a shit ton of chicken wings and can drink my fair share of beer but I really felt I needed to bitch out . So with what is ever left of my dignity ( talking about dixts and bitching out what has happened to me ) I bid you all a fair week. Also I am really sorry about some our delayed posts Since the Hooligans started we have been running around all crazy try to organize our Jobs, social lives, beers, bar food, and talking about fitted hats at work. We will get our shit together we owe it to you guys to bring you the most trusted opinions in baseball. I actually had this really funny picture of a dude who looks like a cross between me and the center For the Jets whats his name Neil Holdenbock? Is that right? Eric Mangold thats his name. Fuck that is such a good pen name. Thats what I will change my twitter account to . Ladies love Neil Holdenbock. That sounds really stupid. I'll try and get a Hooligans Re-cap after tomorrow night game . Later Phantom-maniacs ! Lets try that out for a while and see how it works.

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