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Tuesday, August 30, 2011

OH my god this has taken me so long to write... No not the title

Earthquakes, Hurricanes, floods, falling cones in the middle of the Cross Bronx Expressway, and Minka Kelly Back on the market. What a week! Oh and a 3day long blackout !

As you might of guest I survived my road trip up to boston. Though Irene really tried to get me this evening as I was driving back to the Island. I was kidding about the falling cones on the cross Bronx. The rain was falling at a good clip and I was maybe 2 cars back of a road work truck driving in the right lane to look for my exit I look over to my left to check the middle lane , I see out of the corner of my eye about 6 cones fall off the passenger side of this truck and like Jeff Gordon I quickly change lanes without hitting any other car. Smooth move buddy. But lets talk some sports thats why we are here right ?

Lets get to the biggest story of the week. There was an earthquake on the eastern coast. Why was it plate tectonics like how we learned in the 8th grade? Was it the End of the World ? Was it just a really really loud fart? Possibly , but no. The entity that caused the earth to crumble a little bit was... Derek Jeter broke up with Minka Kelly. WHY DJ3K, why ? Whats wrong with you? Look pal I defended you when everyone else was on your shit for disrespecting the All-star game this year, and I gave you your props when you hit 3,000 I even called M.D the second after it happened. But Now you've done it. Your 20 for 45 with 4 rbis in your last 10 games. Is that why you broke up with her? I honestly don't see any other reason why you would. Now you're on your own pal, next time you do something I will not defend your actions by saying you're a hall of famer. I mean come on bro what the hell. She dug the low top fade and she drove a ford. Minka If you're reading, which I know you are don't let this clown grind you down. Go out and burn it down. And maybe give a shout to a stocky 25 year old blogger from LI with a killer personality and a receding hair line. Nothing spells revenge better then slummin(

Ok now for some sports. Before the East was enveloped by Irene and Irene hype. Which surprising to me none of the facebook friends put up a Dexy Midnight runners Come on EIlleen type joke( I though it was Irene at first. )... So just a side note this I started this on saturday and I just got my power back a few short hours ago? So let me just cap up what happened.

In football this past week was a pretty stacked week 3 for the pre-season lots of moves and
signings because thats what happens. Like up in Indy Peyton Manning has been activated off the P.U.P list (psychically unable to preform) with 2 weeks to go before the regular season. A veteran move by the stalwart quarterback. Who was worried about Manning missing any of the regular season ? I sure as hell didn't Peyton Manning is entering Farve territory now in his career. Now I am not saying he is going to retire, Un retire, retire and so on so forth but he is so important to his team and the franchise,since he has run the offense since he was drafted. So if you want the sweetest gig in the world the Colts offensive coordinator has got to be cake. Well, until they draft Peyton's eventual replacement in 3 years.
The Eagles have given Michael Vick a 6 year 100 million dollar contact in which 40 million of it is garanteed. Not bad for playing only 13 games after serving 2 years for killing dogs . I heard to day that he still owe a shit ton of money to debt collectors and the Flacons. So this in now way can back fire in the Eagles faces right? Look for their matchup with the bears to be the real test.
Finally in football. It seems the Seattle Seahawks are signing up every available former player that has both been listed in the fantasy sleepers and dump 'em categories in a two week span. The Pete Carroll saga continues with another strange step. Lets see if they can lock up the Nfc west with a stellar 8-8 record this year.

Back to baseball. The San Francisco Giants have sent down former MVP Miguel Tejada and former Philly bad ass Aaron Rowand who was among their great signings with Barry Zito . The Giants have made all the right moves but have had all every bad side of those moves come to light. The only way that a new player would work out for them is if they pick them off the wavier scrap heap or if they groom them from the minors. They keep getting burnt on the hot stove.
Last night the last set of Yankees and Red sox games at Fenway started last night and it
went as planned . The Yankees won Blah blah blah. But what makes this so interesting that I , the person who has said that the rivalry is just over blown hype and is pretty much past its due. But Fransico Cervelli . The Yankees 3rd string catcher or also known to the rest of the world as the great Gazoo with his stupid helmet. But this asshole was shocked that his ass got plunked last night. Heres the deal you clap your hands on home after you solo homer which is your 2nd of the season and act like every strike out is the fucking clinching K of the world series you have to expect to get one right in between the numbers.

Basically take it like this Yankees : That was intentional. But he bought it upon himself . So shut up and take your 3rd win against Boston this year and Hope that A.J doesn't let up 6 runs.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

One more for the road....

So before I hit the road tomorrow and rip apart Boston at the seems I just want to get in a few thought, musings , and general ramblings that you have all come to know and loath. Oh course I am kidding . But I do want to say something before I leave for a few days since I wont be posting on Thursday and Friday I just wanted to leave you with some stuff.

Every night for the past week or so Espn and Barstoolsports have had something about the Little League World Series. Well they covered two different aspects of the tournament but still pretty much every night something.
As I am watching and reading it just makes me angry. Not the fact that they are getting
world coverage and playing some pretty descent baseball. But the thing that I can't stand is these kids big timing it when they hit a home run over 250 feet with a metal bat and you play on 60 foot bases. I know they are little kids and this might seem douchey saying something about how bush league these kids are acting. But when I played I would have been benched if I danced in Left field, or when I crushed a bomb posed like Manny. These kids are like 2 years away from the code being a factor. Maybe thats why they do it because the code isn't in effect at this level.
Now it could me just being jealous that when I was 12-15 I would get plunked in the ribs if I hit a double and pointed to my fellow hefty bros in the dugout. So see this display makes me remember those 45-65 mile per hour kidney punches. The worst when I played around 17-21 when kids where throwing bullets and this guy roping doubles. Its probably just me. I actually thought to my self if I was one of these players who got jacked up on national television and this clown at the plate looks at his shot like its something that in real baseball would be caught 15 feet behind the second basemen. I would plunk him the next time around , hopefully I have under 100 pitches . I wish I can play Little league baseball again. Plus thanks to Barstool there are some interesting look Moms out there. Thanks El Pres good looks bro.

The Second thing I want to discuss is Jed Lawrie , Chris Johnson from the Titans, and Tim Tebow .
First off Brett Lawire the Toronto Blue Jays highly touted prospect who is tearing it up right now . He is batting .328 with about 4 home runs and 12 rbis. He only has 61 at bats and need about 74 more at bats to be considered for the rookie of the year who right now is.... Fuck I have no Idea? Who would be the rookie of the year ? I have no clue there hasn't been a big to do about it maybe Craig Krimbel in Hotlanta. Who Knows but Lawire is ripping it right now . He has brought the hype to the great north so maybe in his first full year next year The Blue Jays could be something and shut M.D up.
Chris Johnson all pro running back for the Titans. I understand completely you wanting to get paid. But heres the thing your still under contract. Get to camp and help your team. You have a young Qb drafted and an Old qb playing out his last year before he puts a suit on and gets behind a desk. You're going to get a shit ton of carries. Frankly looking around your team your gonna get all the offensive workload. So get to camp there are a bunch of nerds who took you first this year and are having a aneurism everyday you're not in practice.
Tim Tebow. OK So I might catch some shit for this . But all this crap that is swirling
around him that saying he isn't that good, he is not an NFL qb , and that he is going to be cut. Lets stop that noise right now. He was great in college. Yes, he doesn't have the blow you away talent of a lot of qb's . But he has the drive to win. If you look at his college game he made shit happen. Yes, the pro game is fast and is a lot tougher but the kid has heart and will elevate the play of people around him. The funniest thing about it is that John Elway who played the same way Tebow plays his whole career . A mobile guy with a sub par arm but a drive that cannot be matched. And Elway hates the guy. I don't get it ok Kyle Orton has one more year on his contract left and he is a true NFL qb . But this whole deal that they should trade him or cut him loose is just crap. First off it's his second year it took Aaron Rodgers three years to break in and he just won the super bowl as his third year as a starter. So this win now mentality is crap especially when they play in a division that hasn't had a super bowl champion since ... John Fucking Elway won in 97. Let Tebow do his thing let him pray to God ,help people , and scramble thats all he wants to do anyway.

Finally I would Like to end this post with a heavy heart I would like to send out my sympathies to the family of Former major league pitcher and Cy Young award winner Mike Flanagan. Flanagan passed away earlier today 8/24. I wish his family well through this tough time and would like to extend my prayers out to them and the Orioles franchise who treated him like family. My he rest in peace.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Links all over the place like the strippers are all over my face... Thats the start of my rap career , but first this

Hey remember I think it was last month when I did that post when I wanted to write 3 different posts but was so tired I wrote up 1 post that was ridiculously long post that smashed together three ideas I think it was a spotlight, a top 3 and a hater post.......

So where to begin , where to begin ? Lets spilt this up A little football, some baseball and helping my friends out. All great things and all very good reads. Lets kick it off with our bread and butter a baseball spotlight .

Flipping the switch , the light turns on, realizing this isn't as funny as it was back when we were starting out, and pointing it at Houston Astros... Really? Is that the only team we haven't done yet ? Fuck ok lets do this.

What is happening down in Houston? I heard today they have put their best pitcher on the waiver wire , they are still holding on to Carlos Lee, they have a whole bunch young talent that is just waiting to explode and they have absolutely no real money to spend on any real good players to help those player evolve into good pros. So the future is bright. Seriously this franchise used to be amazing. They had guys like Nolan Ryan, J.P. Richard, Jeff Bagwell, Craig
Biggio and Todd Jones( he wasn't really anything special , he just has the second least exciting name in baseball right behind Joe Smith... Todd, clown ) . But some where after 2008 they forgot they were in the World Series in 2005. The Astros have been slowing declining each year ever since Biggio left. I can't seem to get past how bad they are. I used to respect this team a lot back in the day like so much that when the Mets played Houston I worried that they would lose. Remember back a few years when the Mets used to be good , yeah thats what I meant. For the past I think like two years they have dumped soooo much talent to contending teams Berkman to the Yankees, Oswallt and Pence to the Philidildos, Valverde to the Tigers for Brandon Lyon who is the worst closer in the history of closers. All of the guys they have sent away have blown up big this year, figures. This year Houston is the bottom of the bottom and they sadly have no chance of making the playoffs. So Astros fans I am sorry , I am so sorry I feel really bad for you.

Last week a few of my buddies from work and I got together and had our fantasy football draft. A 10 team league two divisions and 9 fucking clowns who think they can mess with the king. I got the first pick in the snake style draft. So who wants to hear the line up of this championship franchise ? I knew it you all did.

Round1- Adrian Peterson - The Vikings only weapon this year 55 tds breaks records like defenders ankles.
Round2- Micheal Turner- The Burner is looking to have a break out year with the Young Gun Hotlanta Falcons
Round3- Matt Ryan- Matty Ice, had a strong year and is looking to break into the elite level with his big time offense.
Round4- Larry Fitzgerald- The highest paid recivers in the game. Also has been a boss in the pre-season with Kolb dropping bombs on 2nd string defenses
Round5- Santonio Holmes- The Jets new #1 wide out. He's going to do all of the deep routes with those old clowns as the 2 and 3.
Round6- New York Jets defense- Heres a heads up I hate the Jets because I am Giants Fan but I dont hate a shut down defense that can carry me to the championship game.
Round7- Tony Gonzalez - ToGo is hall of fame all the way. Fucking Steal
Round8-Julio Jones- Rookie Wide out who spent the lock out in pick up camp with Matty Ice. Can someone say sleeper ?
Round9-Rob Gronkowski- The New England Tight end who fucked Kate Upton... Yeah He's a star on this team.
Round10-Mike Williams (tampa)- Year two with Josh Freeman. Pro bowlin '
Round11- Adam Vinatieri - Just couldn't let this guy get away
Round12-Mike Tolbert- The goal line bowling ball from San Diego . Matchups ho matchups
Round13-Matt Schaub- Yeah thats right He'll be my back up Qb , He throws to Andre Johnson so that might be a solid back up Qb
Round14-Todd Heap-If Kolb cant hit Fitz who's he gonna go to ? My guy thats who .
Round 15-Danny Amendola-Yeah it's only because Jordy Nelson was taken in Round 14
Round16-DeAngelo Williams-Right! The 18th ranked Rb in the League with the 1,7 and 24th all guys who will be monsters
Round17-Danny Woodhead- Lets face it getting him in the 17th round was pretty good for a guy who will be keyed up more this season.

Just Que. up Queen right now. Domination on dowell. Harvey Bridgman reference who say that coming.... Everyone !
Hey Yahoo you should hire me to be a fucking expert. I am so much better then those clowns plus me and Charissa Thompson probably will have a great back and forth.

So the Last story of the day is my boy Funch is competing in the World Police and Fire games. This is the biggest get together of the finest and bravest around the world and they have about 65 sporting events. Which is fucking nuts how cool is that! He is on the Ny Courts
Baseball team, I think he is now their closer. Don't worry he isn't like Brian Wilson he is just like a boss. Now I have gone out here and said how you should support some great causes . Maybe like 3 times and I think one of them was because Olivia Wilde is so hot, but seriously you Phuckers should check this joint out. A lot of the events are happening on Randells Island and Brooklyn. Listen to me they have Team Handball which is the best sport ever created and Table Tennis which is going to be in the Jacob Javits Center! So you know its no joke. I know its tough for you guys to get out to the venues I completely understand because its tough for me as well but I am going to try to get out there. Check them out on Facebook and try to get out to some of these events . I am calling it right now The Blue Sox are going all the Way. I am putting the Phantom Spotlight on them. You can't beat the track record and you cant Beat the Blue Sox.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Hey NcAA D-1 school KAAABOOM your spot has been blown , sincerely Miami University

So this is my first real football post and unfortunately its about all that shit thats been blowing up in the College game. Lets get this straight off the bat I have said before , I am all about people getting theirs. Wether its money, bitches or seconds at the buffet. But I didn't make the rules for college players and I don't really know all of them to the extent that I can sit in judgement of rule breakers and apparently neither do the college players themselves.

Holy crap did every top tier college team in the NCAA just get their spot blown? This is almost as bad as when you fart in gym class and you're the only one doing sit ups. Pretty much everyone knows and your humiliated and the girl with the over bite and clubbed foot says your gross in front of everyone as they laugh at you .... Yeah that didn't happen to me or anything. Back to the point. So just this past week or so, a probe has proven that a booster has been spoiling the Hurricanes football team with a whole lot of shit that would make Lawrence Taylor blush.

So this rich dude Nevin Shapiro who was a big time nerd and has a huge bank roll. But he couldn't lock it up with the ladies because A. he looks like a creeper and b. he is probably super lame to be around. But like all rich kids who think they are super awesome and don't understand why middle class people think they suck , he started buying friends. And in Miami If you can't hang with a drug cartel or J. Lo the last chance for you to be cool is to hang with the hurricanes( this was before D-wade brought the choker and Sir cries a lot to south beach). Now it is suspected that Mr. Shapiro allegedly bought up things like jewelry, booze,clothes and ladies of Ill repute.
What a jerk, right? Look like I said before I am all for players getting theirs. But this is different. This whole situation is fucked from the start. See first off I think that the fact these players are being exploited by their school. Schools are making money off the players jerseys and selling their likeness to video games and these dudes don't see dollar 1. Well, thats what we are supposed to think , but who knows. But a thing like this, with some fuck buying up a bar and sluts is kinda stupid. This nerd wants to be seen as cool, thats his only real motivation. If you look at Nevin Shapiro you know right away this dude wasn't going to be the home coming king. He just wanted to look cool in a hot city.

But this story isn't just about Nevin being lame as shit. Its about what this case will do to the NCAA. Do you honestly think this will be contained to just Miami? There is no fucking way
other top schools come out clean on the other end of this. There are a ton of dirty deals that go on wether its by recruiters, coaches and of course alumnus who thought they could have taken state if they made the team back in high school but because daddy didn't think football was a real career path. But there is always going to be a hand under the table. The Rich alum will throw around cash like it doesn't cost them a thing . And players who Lets face it probably didn't really learn too much in high school get blinded by all that cash dive right in because they aren't used to hearing you can't do this. It's a vicious cycle is happening right now in a college town near you.... BOO , did I scare you?

Do you know who pays in the end? The Players, if they are still playing in college. The Athletic Directors might have to resign but they have made bank as it is. The Coaches can just bounce on the double to the NFL and not have to deal with it. The players who if they transfer to another school to follow a coach who promised them they would stay with them their whole college career but left for that money have to sit out a full year. The players who if they get caught taking anything get black listed forever. It's really fucked up man.

This whole thing is going to blow up big. The big thing for the NCAA is going to do after the investigation is called the "Death Penalty" which is the NCAA shuts down the programs recruits and cuts their spending for at least two years so they can clean out the program of any problem causing issues or whatever. Now since Miami is under "ever so bright" spotlight of the NCAA watch committee. Everyone is all like " Whoa this is surprising ! I never would do something like that. " Same shit happened when Usc got bagged last year. Pete Carroll booked it to Seattle , Reggie Bush had his Hiesmen taken away, they got locked out of top talent and Mat Lienart was told he would never be a real starter in the NFl since he sucks.

But what can you do? Blog about how the rich get richer and there is no real way to stop it. Lets just all act surprised when it happens . We don't want to ruin the surprise for college basketball.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

The Top 10 list we all were waiting for ... Hottest female sports reporters

Ever since the last top 10 of hot chicks that had something to do related to baseball or what ever I know you have been waiting for me to come up with a top 10 of hot chicks who bring us breaking new in the sports world. Now I only now a few but with the power of google and ask I have studied up to say the least of these super attractive sports casters. But none of them compare to Liz Cho of New York's abc news, but she is not on this list sadly because she does not do sports she just does straight up sexy .

So like the so many other pointless lists I have made when good ideas escape me . Lets start it up ...once again

10. Michelle Beadle- The queen of SportsNation. If you don't know what SportsNation is, its basically SportsCenter for people with short attention spans. With a lot of bright colors, shiny
objects, loud noises, Colin Cowheard, and a few flat screen t.vs SportsNation is the only show on Espn almost worth watching. And its all because of Beadle. Not only is she super into sports and can conduct an interview better then Bob Levy. But she is super attractive and really funny. As we see every what seems like everyday on SportsNation. The Bead is also a wrestling fan and has cause this whole new up swing for the WWE . So that is why she is number 10 , if she didn't think wrestling was cool she'd be higher.

9. Charissa Thompson- For sooo many sundays during the Fantasy football season have I
awoke from my winter slumber to login and load up Fantasy Football live. She comes on every other week and lights it up. She also does some sideline work too. I'm just saying if Yahoo would just make Charissa their #1 video host I think that they will have record numbers in nerds signing up for Fantasy sports instead of signing up for World of Warcraft and that other shit. Sorry I was watching fantasy football live with her talking to these clowns. Seriously Yahoo give me a call me and Charissa will usher in a new era of awesomeness. Or it will be me just looking like a goon while she gets mad either way it will be intersting.

8. Michelle Beisner- So I just actually found this reporter today as I was looking up youtube links for Beadle and Thompson. So I did the work and buddy I wish I had the NFL network. Damn you Jim Dolan , Damn you . So she does some fantasy work and I guess she does some desk work. But Holy carp man . Where do these major news networks find these smokes? Is there some sort of factory or like special school for knock outs that are camera ready?

7.Rachel Nichols- Oh my long time crush. I dont know why but whenever she
started reporting on sports is when I started my secret crush on her. Now not as obviously slamin as 6-1 but she is probably the most apporachable of the pack. Frankly if this was maxim or stuff she wouldn't be in the top 10 but I feel 7 is a good spot for her. She does every sport so that means more exposure and makes my espn view expierance more enjoyable

6. Melanie Collins-She works for NBA Tv so obviously I am not familiar with her work. But I guess when this lock out is over I will be subscribing. Not really. She has done worked for E! and TnT and some other places. Just another Hot blonde for the list. ITs like I have a type. SO Melanie is single handily making me a basketball fan again. Sorry Jordan I am proud of my bacon neck... get it those stupid hanes commercials.

5. Jenn Brown- So one day at 3am I stumble in from a night on the town. I
safely get into my house with my late night snack in hand . As I sit down and turn on Espn News and they were going on and on about something that I cant really remember because the correspondent looks like this. Espn I want to work for you. The only reason that I want to work for you is to be a minor in your female reporter gold mine. Jenn Brown Might not read blogs but she is to hot to stay mad at for long.

4. Erin Andrews- Umm what to say, what to say . Do I really need to say anything about her? She slamin and likes football enough said.

3. Hedi Watney- Boston's new face. Well not new but she replaced the
lovable but eeeh looking Hazel Mae. She is hotter then Erin Andrews and apparently half her Job is to go around and eat food at a stadium and get checked out by everyone. Its like she stole my dream Job. But wether she is making dudes nervous or getting checked out by creepy Red Sox fans. This new comer sure is a smoke. Hopefully she is into fat balding kids with a somewhat descent vocabulary because I will be taking Boston by storm next weekend.

2. Inez Sainz - The Mexican report that proved that the New York Jets are dirt bags. She is the
definition of a knock out punch. Mesmerizing athletes as she trips her way around the english language. When you see a picture of her you kidneys start to hurt because ,well I mean come on .When the Jets story broke it spilt the sports world in three parts. One side was They should treat he like any other sports reporter and should be respected because she's a woman, another side was She shouldn't dress like that if she wants to be taken seriously , and then there was the side I was on which was " Seriously they make reports like that now? Shit I am surprised she left with her clothes still on her. Oh well but Shit." I have no clue what she actually does but she is always at the super bowl so I figure she knows sports

This is my Number 1
1. Tiffany Simons-She is the Sny Mets weekly host .... Wait a minute she is not my number one.
Hold up , the one that the one I wanted... Same initials but not her. Who's is it ? Oh yeah Taylor Swift. What scandal ! She doesn't report sports or the news or really anything. Well To bad readers call it a cop out but T-Swift is my favorite. Now I bet your all like ohhhh so thats why there are so many blondes up . Well, no that was coquincedental . But after that first top 10 I kinda felt that T-swift should have been #1 but I was blinded by Olivia Wilde . So this one is for you Taylor ... That wasn't too creepy right ?

I love these top 10 list because it show how much free time I actually have. And Also after the last two I wrote I feel so creepy breaking down these women who I will never meet in person. But if I do and If they read the Phantom which according to our stats....… They don't, but if they do ... Hey whats up ? Do you like terrible grammar , how about an ego that is inflated by growing up fat? Well, if your single I am the guy for you .... I am gonna take like two days off to re charge the batteries and Ill be back before I leave for bean town.

P.s- So as I was putting in the photos and watching how these pictures are just making the post which I can say probably very poorly written a hell of alot better. I am saying to my self these can not be real sports reports there is no fucking way . But they are, Congrats Viewing public !

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Did you know Jim Thome hit his 600th home run last night... Wait you don't know who Jim Thome is?

Last night in Detroit Jim Thome hit to big flies 599 and 600. Thome joins guys like Hank Aaron, Willie Mays,Babe Ruth and Ken Griffey, Jr. Now granted there are a few other guys who have hit 600 bombs that I will not mention because they did not complete this trying task clean. Granted A-rod has been rebuilding his cred ever since Selena Roberts dug up all that dirt and caused his cousin to sit a the kids table during Thanksgiving.

Big Jim Thome is the Paul Bunyan of the big leagues. Thome came up to the bigs in 1991 with the Cleveland Indians as a 3rd basemen but mainly he was brought up to sock a few dingers because he was built like a brick shit house and can slug better then anyone out there. Thome hit over 30 home runs in more then 11 season. Granted he never really hit for average and wasn't a real wizard with the leather and some might say he is a one demential player. Well, they are kind of right. Thome is a born hitter and he makes no bones about it.

Why is Jim Thome is so great stats aside, why should people feel like shit that there was not enough made of this chase of 600 for Thome and half the world stop when a-rod did it last year. Thats because unlike A-rod or even Griffey Thome never really wanted the spotlight. Thome never played for a super high profile team. He played in the 95 and 97 world series with the Cleve and sadly lost both and has never been close since. Which is a fucking travesty and now I'll get into the reason why Jim Thome is the man? Dude is the nicest guy in the world. A true gentelmen of the game. The dude was so nice he told the Phillies who were paying him a few million at the time " Hey guys its cool if you want to bench me or let me go at the end of the season because you got that kid Ryan Howard coming up , so its cool."

Look I would have really of loved to give Thome a great post but I personally don't know enough about him and I highly doubt that any of you really know more then what you all ready
do of the guy. It's a shame because we know pretty much everything about ass clowns like Bonds,McGwire, Sosa, A-rod and Manny. These steroid stars were on the front lines of the Mlb marketing force of the past 15 years. I wish I new more about this guy, All I know is that he is a blue collar guy, he is beloved by everyone he has played with,for and against you have to pay someone a lot of money to say something bad about him, and he is like looks like a giant teddy bear always smiling and shit.

If Jim Thome happens to stumble upon this post while hunting for muppet photos for his kids and read this what seems to be half assed post I would like to apologize. Dude I am sorry for not giving you the credit you deserve. You're a first ballot Hall of Famer and you are an example of how the game should be played. Also what do you think of the site? Anyway Thome you're the man and Congrats bro I hope you get on a team that will get you that ring and if you call it a career then Happy trails and Don't work for Espn . Your too smart for 30 minutes every other 6 months.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

What will happen to the Phantom after Baseball season ?

So around the Phantoms home office we were kicking around some ideas about what we are gonna do when our bread and butter is finished for the rest of 2011. What will we do , Why do we have an office, is any one actually reading us instead of looking up pictures of muppets ? So many questions, I know its only 3 but I have a tuff time answering questions ,spelling things correctly and my dance moves have been known to break up couples( ladies love how my belly jiggles). But we have decided to continue writing about the sports that will go on during the winter months so Football and Hockey watch out here we come.

Now it's not like we don't like basketball but apparently their labor union is not as active to get back to work as the NFL. The Nba player union delegate was quoted this past week basically saying that there will be no 2011-2012 season. Which if you can remember back I ripped the NFL owners and players a new one about how their selfishness was going to put a
lot of hard working people out of work. Well, same story just a different game. I don't under stand why the players and the owners cant come to an agreement. Frankly all I know is that both sides are fighting about money.
But what makes this lockout hard to pick aside because the Owners have the money and call the shots really, some of these players are so irresponsible with their money to begin with that giving them more money would be stupid, Now I am all about getting you paper up so I cant really get on those guys too much cause let face it if you gave me 18 mill to play a sport that I am good at I would of bought the batacopter by now , and The Players have been leaving the country to get paid an insane amount of cash to play in countries like Turkey and China which have better credit ratings then us.
Thats where the players lose my support. The Nfl guys didn't go up to Canada or the Ufl until the lockout ended. No they just worked out with who ever was on the roster at a local high school like I do in october thru march ( anyone with a flag football team looking for a qb
/te ? hit me up ) The fact that they can still go out there get the cash play in a new market possibly get hurt and fuck over their Nba contract and just really check out is not cool with me bro. I honestly think that when the finally reaches an agreement and throw up the prices for season tickets and it's anything over $100 a ticket for a team that barely made the playoffs last season, the fans, vendors, cleaning crews, security guards, and anyone who is losing their lively hoods because of their unwillingness to reach an agreement in a season should have a lockout until the players and owners come to the realization that they are not just hurting each other with their stupidity.

Enough about that I am getting really mad talking about it. But that is our future plans, we hopefully will bring the same bias looks into the winter sports that we have brought to baseball. Since this is really our 4th month of blogging and I think its been ok. Lots of positive feedback from friends and Family but I think they are just being nice to us since we barely got out of college alive. Well, all right I will post up later. Giants and Mets are both playing so I am conflicted on which I want to watch and be horribly disappointed in

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Recap before my nap

I am kidding of course I am not taking a nap its just a cool rhyme. Lets talk about what has happened in the baseball world lately since I haven't really given a recap in a long ass time. I am gonna try writing short paragraphs about some big stories of the week but lets face it if you read last nights post short paragraphs are like hot chicks knocking on my window, happens very rarely but when it happens its all sorts of hot fire.

Lets start off with something easy. So Dan Uggla the dude who couldn't hit a fucking beach ball
in the start of the season has some sort of hitting streak going. I think its up to 31 games now and granted its pretty cool that he has hit in more then 30 games and I think he is close to breaking the all time Braves hit streak record. But what make this more impressive is that if 15 of these hits weren't infield singles. Seriously thats all he had against the Mets. Congrats Luis Castillio.

The Philadildos have won 12 of their last 13 and they got Roy Oswallt back. Unfortunately Joe Blanton is still hurt but it's not like it fucking matters because they called up this kid Vance
Worley. Now Worley has made 16 starts so far this season and has been dominate going 81-with 72 k's and a 2.85 era. The kid is baffling hitters not only with his race ( I don't know if he is asian , hispanic, or a white guy , or a mix of all three ) but his stuff is pretty nasty. Thats just what the Philadildos need another guy who's better then everyone else. What the fucks up with that town lately. Are they that offended by what Alec Baldwin said so they had to go out and get every all star in 2 sports?

The Big Cleve is making life extremely tough for the Tigers lately. The Indians are once again trying to re take the top of the central and now they have a new 2nd basemen who seems to get a big hit every time up , When Carmona comes back this week he will return to his natural # 2 spot in the rotation with Ubaldo Jimenez established ace. I am gonna be honest with you since you all know how much I dig the cleve I hope they over take the tigers and get into the playoffs . More attention needs to be on Cleve right now since Avengers is being filmed out there so the more coverage it gets the more spoilers we see. So lets go Tribe.

Me and M.D got into a squabble about the Yankees earlier. He was on some shit about how they get no coverage from the Mlb network. Which is total shit and everyone knows it? The
Yankees get at least 5 minutes a fucking show . So I told him that maybe the Yankees will get more coverage if they were a better team. Lets face it the Yankees have totally disappointed this year. I don't care where they stand, they have the most talent, the most money and they play in a league that has piss poor pitching oh yeah also 4 of the stadiums they play in more then 15 times a year are the size of little league fields. Everyone except Curtis Granderson has under preformed. Prove me wrong with out insulting the Mets go a head tell me how it's ok that Rafael Soriano is totally worth that contract, tell me that Eduardo Nunez is the future with his on pace for 40 errors is the reason why he should take over for Jeter in a few years, tell me that Posada is really that great of a team guy, tell me that Russell Martin really deserved that all star selection batting under .230 ,Tell me that going 2-10 against the Red Sox this year make you confident for October and tell me that their pitching staff can hang with any of the top teams in the AL Joke of a season if they get any thing more then the Wild card and get out of the first round is just a fucking joke.

Lets talk about Those Brewers. If they can get it together in the Off-season and re sign
Prince for big money. With Braun , Hart, Weeks, Grineke ,Marcum and Axford all they need to do is find a fucking Short stop who can hit as well as flash the leather they might actually start to be a fixture a top the Central for a few years to come. Also speaking about surprise teams being in first place. The Arizona D-backs have just out lasted the hype machine out in San Fran. Good for them , They were shit last year, they were shit in the start of the season and then M.D calls them irrelevant and combooom bitches here they are battling for the top of the West.

So besides beating the Yankees the Red Sox have started
beating up everyone who plays them. Boston has a pretty week schedule a head of them with games versus the Twins, Mariners , Rays Royals , Rangers and A's before the Yankees come back with that stupid 6 man rotation. The Red Sox have completely changed my mind on them. I know I pretty much blasted them at the start when they started out 0-12 but now I don't really know I am not super sold on them but I do like the fact they just find ways to fuck with the Yankees. By the way I am heading up to Boston to check it out for the A's series . Hitting up Fenway and some of the local watering holes aka places where I can get Fucked up. So show me whats good.
Finally I guess I would like to talk about the Mets? You know I don't know I mean we they have won 2 game in the late innings . But It was against the Padres and thats like saying you beat Helen Keller in Simon. But what makes me thinkI should talk about the Mets is because of what Daily New Live said about them. If you don't know or live in New York SNY ( The Tv home of the Mets, Jets and all New York Sports) they have a show called Daily News Live which is an anchor and two sports writers talking about New York sports or big sports stories of the day . But they had this thing about the Mets called " Did the Mets win back their fans?" like in the past 48 hours every Mets fan forgotten about the terrible loses and the way the Media have painted the ownership as no nothing idiots who are hell bent on driving the team into the ground. Listen as a Mets fan I was pumped that we won 2 games late. It is always fun for a walk off win and seeing Izzy's 299th career save. But seriously its two fucking games bro. If the Mets won the next 25 games in the 9th inning in a row yeah lets talk but A. it's only two game and B. it's the fucking Padres. The story that should have been brought up is that San Diego scored more then 2 runs in those games.

Oh man I think I have a problem . I can't seem to write short quick paragraphs. But thats what happened in the past week. Yes, I know its only Thursday but hey this is the most consistent we have been well I have been since we started.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Aj burrentt and splice two things that are just awful.. just stay with me it gets wordy

Can there be anything worse then being named Bumgarner, no I am kidding I don't care about that dude at all . My attention is focused on the 80 million dollar whack job that is the #2 starter for the Yankees A.J. Burnett .

Actually this whole time I am think oh man I am gonna bur this jack ass for basically having the biggest down fall of a solid pitcher. You know when he came to the Yankees after a few years of tutelage from the master of righty pitchers Roy "Doc" Halladay and he said the one thing that every team and its fans wants to hear " I learned how to be a pitcher instead of a thrower ." I know yankees fans were pumped. Thats what they needed along with C.C and Andy a solid righty to show the way of the Doc to their up in coming young guns Hughes and Chamberlain. But no after his first year in 09 he has progressively gotten worse and progressively gotten crazier. Wether it's his rando black eye , his loss of his control on the mound and now his bleach blonde do Aj has just flat out become the Yankees version of Oliver Perez. He makes to much to be in the pen , he walks the ballpark, he still has the stuff to be dominate but its rare he'll break it out , and oh yeah did I mention he is nuts.

All of this is just enough to get a full on blast post. But I cant form the words together. It's
not like I am struggling to think up of funny things to say, or I am too tired from work , or I just don't care . No , nothing like that . But as I write I do like to keep on my t.v maybe watch some sports recaps, a movie, or put on my pandora and listen to some sweet sweet jams. So I put on this movie "Splice" with Adrien Brody who is from Woodhaven and that blonde bitch from the new Dawn of the Dead , no not the one who got cut up by the chainsaw, but the one who was the main character and who seemed to be bored with zombies after the first act. So I am looking up stats and tuning in and out of this movie.
I start to think its funny because the Cgi is for shit and acting is sub standard even from the Brod man (he won an award yet he makes terrible movies now, Gotta make that money ) so the plot i guess is that Brod man and whats her name are bio engineers and they are trying to make some sort of thing that will have some sort dna strand that can cure the world of being stupid or whatever . So they make like these two what seem to be slugs that are supposed to do it in front of nerds and to make super slug all because some company is paying them so you got that whole plot device. So as they are making these fuck slugs they say to them selves " Hey we have no Idea what we are doing after this whole creating life bidness lets create some sort of humanoid thing because we both aren't fucked in the head or anything, " So they make this baby like rat,cat. armless shit thing and feed it tic tacs . For the first like two weeks of this things life Brody is trying to fucking straight up murder its ass for possibly fucking his life up but that chick who could care less about zombies is all like " It's our baby lets feed it orange tic tacs "
So like maybe another week goes by and It starts to look human with a fucked up dome and it catches a fever or something so they throw it in a sink and Brod man loses it and tries to drown it like a prick. It stops moving around because well its been fucking drownded ( proper tense) for like two-seconds brod is like what an ordeal I am sorry I killed your de-facto baby lady. So she's all crying because she thinks she's a mom . But the little fucker starts to breathe under water and Brod man quickly goes " she has gills she can breathe under water" and Lady is all like " Oh I am super stoked you knew that ," but Brod give this look like " shit I wanted it to be dead so I can collect my fucking check and do Predators" . But like next scene the chick is reading this thing they call Dren because its nerd spelt backwards and that was its first word . Nerd was its first word just like M.D. But back to what happened after the attempted drowning .
Lady is showing it a barbie because as a kid she wasnt allowed to have one cause her mom
was a super farmer bitch. But the fucking baby thing is now like a 16 year old bald girl in like a fucking day it went from 5-16 every pedophiles dream . So Lady sees brod chillin balls on a sofa in their laboratory . So they sit down like they actually just dodge a huge bullet or something and Brod man starts working his hand up her leg. Need less to say they started to have work place sex but Dren is like peakin through this dividing sheet and starts to get a hard on for Brod man like most women do. So they move to a farm to avoid any explanations, which I don't understand mad scientist if you are paid to do something ,and it works but not the way they wanted it to but it is still working out why don't you just man up and go hey boss this works this way lets make money. But so now its like comic con or something basically fuck slug fuck day. So Brody is like " We made these things but we aren't ready for this ," and lady is like " Lets see these fucking slugs get it on " and then the fuck slugs murder each other. They had the knife fight we have been waiting so long to see (get it ) . So the front row gets covered in fuck slug blood and glass because the giant fish tank they were in fell so they were in an impromptu splash zone. So Brody and Lady get reemed out by their boss but still keep their job which in this economy is pretty impressive.
So Lady and Dren are like having girl time at the farm and Lady finds drawings of the Brod man in dren's fisher price princess desk or what. So she starts to go crack . So there is like some sort of argument over food because Dren wants to eat meat because it ate a rabbit once and lady is being a bitch about being vegan so Brod just burns lady's face off with " I didn't know rabbit was a vegetable," fucking sweet burn bro ... So lady send dren to the time out corner because it kept a cat from her. So Brod felt really bad for it and was like " Ill teach you how to dance to Coletrain " so as they are having a good time Brod catches dren's d.t.f look and she tries to get hers. So Brod goes bad dog and leaves . So he tells lady that dren is looking to get it and he is starved for some V and she is like I am gonna give dren her cat back , so she does and Dren is like Ill murder this cat and fuck you up before I do the pianist but I guess dren walks away and get knocked the fuck out by a shovel .
So now dren is striped naked and lady cuts her tail off. Brod comes in to the barn and is like "hello is anyone here" and then naked ass dren who is fresh off surgery just goes for it. So Brod is only human and he starts railin her. Which is a complete 180 from earlier. But as he is
about to finish up Lady walks in and they talk about ethics and basically it feel like they agree on that they should be better parents to Dren and not cut her up and fuck her. Oh yeah Dren's grown wings or something. But the next day they find Dren pretty much dead which has Brody just concerned if he has a std. So they dig a hole in the ground and burn her shit . As they are about to give her an eulogy their boss comes rolling up in his SAAB with brod "little brother " I know that because he said that as they argued, right so the boss is all like mad and shit because he's like I want to make straight cash homie and your bitch asses are douches or what ever the dialog had gotten worse. Then Swoosh this flying thing comes out and its Dren. But its like a man version of dren . The camera pans to Brod face and the look he gives is kinda funny its like "Oh man I stuck my dick in that " Dren kills the boss and also Brody's brother and this is when i said "fuck this movie its awful" Brody takes off after his brother and Lady is like "stop it lets go inside its cold and he's so dead right now." and he's like " your kinda right but i dropped my flashlight in the water i need to get it " he spends more time trying to find a flash light then his own brother. FUCK That ! But whatever man Dren comes out of the water and shoulder checks brod into some shrubs and is about to get up in Lady's face . Seriously this is actual dialog Lady "Ahh what do you want ?" man dren " In..Side..You " sweet pick up line Big Ben. Dren is getting its flow on in Lady without any consent so not only is Dren a transgendered test tube baby with a tail and a messed up dome, it is also a fucking sex offender. Brod gets up and stabs dern in the back and is like " Bro not my girl" then Dren stabs him in the chest so Brod is dead and it cuts to Lady in an Office with some french bitch saying "you're so smart and you are helpin out huge so get to work " and lady is like " No prob bob " and the movie end with some jazzy tune.

AS you can see I did not enjoy this movie. If you managed to troop through my recap I thank you . I know its super wordy and long but really its for everyone benefit. Do not see this
feature it's really bad. Actually see this movie if you want a good laugh and see Adrien Brody rail everything . PLus the Fuck Slug scene is comical. It was just so bad I feel sorry for Adrien Brody, I like him as an actor he was in Angels in the Outfield so he is Hall of fame cool. The movie was so bad my dog didn't even wake up and bark at the cat in the movie. My dog will bark at someone making cat noises. So even he was like "Bro I don't even want to dignify this with a bark." Later Phuckers I have said too much tonight. Mets 2 in a row !!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

If Pittsburgh can end the season in 3rd place they should have a parade in the burgh

It hasn't been a great run for the darlings of the Nl central Pittsburgh Pirates lately the winners of none of 10. Yeah thats right they have lost 10 games straight. This late hot streak of sucking has pretty much hurt the Pirates chances for a serious push for october baseball. Which lets face it we all weren't expecting them to make the playoffs when the Brewers and Cardinals remembered that they are actually good and Cincinnati is poised to cause some shit in september?

The Pirates best show of making the playoffs kinda breaks down like every seasons NFL football wild card thing breaks down because A. The only shot is the wild card and B if the Pirates can make a chase for the wild card that would probably the event that the Mlb needs to get a whole bunch fans back from the edge. Think I am kidding. Lets look at like a casual fan who is looking to go out and be bored at some shitty bar their girlfriend brings them to because her and her crew haven't had girls night in like sooooo long and need a DD. So what are you
Gonnaa watch bro ? You girlfriend and her friends drunkly bounce around shouting Wooooo and dancing to the latest usher( I hhaven'thit the club in a while so Is usher still relevant) .
As you read it you think to your self " Well yeah I mean its girls grinding on girls so its something kinda ." But when you really see it in real time it's only interesting for like five minutes , you start looking around the place and see there are a few other hot girls around but you feel the heat from like 7 pissed off girls all giving you the death eye for looking around so you can't even scope the place for talent. So you turn your head to the bar and look at the tv and read the closed captions ( the only way to watch anything on Espn ) you read up on the story of the 2011 Pirates. Images of Rudy start to fill your head , you start to remember your little league team that made a run to the championship, or when someone told you that you weren't good at anything and blah blah blah you know the deal. Scrappy players fucking up all those older players who get all the breaks.

It's turning the establishment on its ear and thats What the Pirates could have been this year but really they have no shot. They honestly have to hope that the Braves, Cards, Brewers, Reds, Giants, D-backs, Marlins, Rockies, and yes the Mets all fall apart in the remaining 50 some odd games. So yeah playoff baseball should be the last thing on their mind. And what should be on their minds?

Getting over .500 and messing with the teams in the wild card hunt. Mainly the Nl central. If the Pirates can win at least 20 of these last games. It would give them over 70 and is a vast
improvement and really shouldn't be looked as a failure that they never made it pasted september. They will break the streak of 20 years of just being terrible. You do realize that the Pirates will break their streak before the Cubs who have so much more talent and so many hall of fame type managers break their streak. So thats another thing Pittsburgh has over Chicago goes along with Stanley Cups, Super Bowl trophies, and (Insert Ben Rapelesburger joke here) I couldn't really think of a good one.
This seems adequate enough to end it right here I mean how much can I really go on about this ? If I prattle on about the Pirates I will probably start insulting them and I don't want to do that. I could go on about how your girlfriend hates you and would rather make out with her girlfriends instead of you but I enjoy your readernessship and I am pretty sure I might catch shit for this I am like 50-50 that I will get some like super combo bitch fit... Successfully cementing me as a single guy whenever I end this sentence. What ever borsch I am just gonna go around and I don't know I gave up on this whole joke thing after the Power range link I thought that was like really clever so anything I write from now on will have less impact. Just like the Pirates pretty good early a little shaky in the middle , make one last stand and end with a power ranger reference.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Ode to the water cooler: Yeah I am that bored at what ever am so deal

As baseball players and phans we all know the frustration of a long and trying game where nothing goes your way and your temper is about to boil over and you're only mad at your self and you cant take out your anger on your teammate , your coach, or really anyone else in the area. Except for that little round orange cylinder sitting at the end of the dugout.

The game is on the line. Runners are on 3rd and 2nd with two outs your down by one a hit
in the gap will make you a hero to the fans and your teammates. The pitch is thrown, it's coming in slow motion because you timed it perfectly. Your hands move up , arms drawing back , hips turning , taking a mighty stride, you swing ...Boom! You make contact the ball flies into the sky. As you start to rush down the line admiring your victorious hit you see the center fielder striding in to a perfect spot in the deep part of the out field . As you take your final steps towards first you see from the corner of your eye the ball disappearing into the outfielders glove. The moment you have walking back to the dug out facing your teammates and fans you just saw your last act heroics fail horribly. Because at that moment it's not just a game , it's not just a bad break. you're letting down your self all the prep you did getting ready for the at bat and the game, It's a let down to your teammates , and it's a let down because I am running out of examples to show how big of a let down making the final out is.

Anyway. As you take the walk of shame back to the dugout all you can think of doing is lashing out at really anything that gets in your way. But the person who you can really blame is your self . Then you look down at the end of the dug out and who do you see. The Orange therapist, the plastic stress ball, the something something something fuck it.

We have seen the likes of Paul O'niel , Carlos Zambrano, The Bearded one Brian WIlson and yes even I have attack these water filled objects just because they messed up or have a temper problem... Carlos. So I would like to say thank you to the Water cooler for well taking one on the chin. So thank you water Coolers as many of your brethren have fallen to so many .

Do you want know the story of why I attacked my water cooler? Well, that whole ridiculous story before was actually a close recap of what happened. I was about 17 years old playing for the 15 and older team for ol' ' V. s [which is no longer in existence , Your welcome). We losing all game I went 0-3 with two walks and 3 stolen bases ( yeah man I have hidden
speed) but the team started to make a come back. We got to the bottom of the 7th and I was batting 5th that inning so I was looking for it.
Jmart got on with a single and the next two guys popped out ,singled and I think stole second then the guy before me walked so bases were loaded with two outs and I stepped to the plate. The whole time I was watching the pitcher so I had him timed like a watch. My coach is telling me that I should try to work out another walk due to my shitty performance. Now normally when I have a pre at bat talk with anyone I look them in the eyes and talk to them like a human. Not this time . As I leave the dug out he puts a hand on my shoulder and runs his mouth about working the count. I had my eyes trained on the pitcher and he knew it to trying to stare me back down but like I have said in posts past I am a big dude and this little bastard was not getting me.
I step in the box and dig in. Everyone knew the stakes so it was quite. I pick the bat up and get into my stance. First pitch ball, second pitch foul to left field . One and one here we go , this ass clown was going to throw a bouncing curve. Shit hangs and everyone knows what a hanging curve ball feels like. I wait, I swing, It hits, I run, I look ,and I scream at the top of my lounges "FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING SON OF A FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!" I walked down trodden back to the dugout. My teammates god bless them didn't give me crap about flying out. So I grab my big ass water cooler thremus bidness as the coach starts to give a post game wrap up in the right field foul area. But in my head I was replaying that last at bat. AS he dismissed us I took my thermus thing which held about 2 gallons of water and threw it over the home run fence. It exploded on impact. I felt a hell of a lot better. The next game I went 3-4 with 2 doubles and 4 rbis.

So beating down a water cooler,gatorade machine, thermus , and any other beverage dispensing apparatus. Umm , So its now like 2:45 am and I am tired of microwaving my testicles tonight and I kinda stopped talking about water coolers a while ago, so good night Phuckers and Thanks Water Coolers Your pretty cool.