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Thursday, August 4, 2011

Ode to the water cooler: Yeah I am that bored at what ever am so deal




As baseball players and phans we all know the frustration of a long and trying game where nothing goes your way and your temper is about to boil over and you're only mad at your self and you cant take out your anger on your teammate , your coach, or really anyone else in the area. Except for that little round orange cylinder sitting at the end of the dugout.

The game is on the line. Runners are on 3rd and 2nd with two outs your down by one a hit
in the gap will make you a hero to the fans and your teammates. The pitch is thrown, it's coming in slow motion because you timed it perfectly. Your hands move up , arms drawing back , hips turning , taking a mighty stride, you swing ...Boom! You make contact the ball flies into the sky. As you start to rush down the line admiring your victorious hit you see the center fielder striding in to a perfect spot in the deep part of the out field . As you take your final steps towards first you see from the corner of your eye the ball disappearing into the outfielders glove. The moment you have walking back to the dug out facing your teammates and fans you just saw your last act heroics fail horribly. Because at that moment it's not just a game , it's not just a bad break. you're letting down your self all the prep you did getting ready for the at bat and the game, It's a let down to your teammates , and it's a let down because I am running out of examples to show how big of a let down making the final out is.

Anyway. As you take the walk of shame back to the dugout all you can think of doing is lashing out at really anything that gets in your way. But the person who you can really blame is your self . Then you look down at the end of the dug out and who do you see. The Orange therapist, the plastic stress ball, the something something something fuck it.

We have seen the likes of Paul O'niel , Carlos Zambrano, The Bearded one Brian WIlson and yes even I have attack these water filled objects just because they messed up or have a temper problem... Carlos. So I would like to say thank you to the Water cooler for well taking one on the chin. So thank you water Coolers as many of your brethren have fallen to so many .

Do you want know the story of why I attacked my water cooler? Well, that whole ridiculous story before was actually a close recap of what happened. I was about 17 years old playing for the 15 and older team for ol' ' V. s [which is no longer in existence , Your welcome). We losing all game I went 0-3 with two walks and 3 stolen bases ( yeah man I have hidden
speed) but the team started to make a come back. We got to the bottom of the 7th and I was batting 5th that inning so I was looking for it.
Jmart got on with a single and the next two guys popped out ,singled and I think stole second then the guy before me walked so bases were loaded with two outs and I stepped to the plate. The whole time I was watching the pitcher so I had him timed like a watch. My coach is telling me that I should try to work out another walk due to my shitty performance. Now normally when I have a pre at bat talk with anyone I look them in the eyes and talk to them like a human. Not this time . As I leave the dug out he puts a hand on my shoulder and runs his mouth about working the count. I had my eyes trained on the pitcher and he knew it to trying to stare me back down but like I have said in posts past I am a big dude and this little bastard was not getting me.
I step in the box and dig in. Everyone knew the stakes so it was quite. I pick the bat up and get into my stance. First pitch ball, second pitch foul to left field . One and one here we go , this ass clown was going to throw a bouncing curve. Shit hangs and everyone knows what a hanging curve ball feels like. I wait, I swing, It hits, I run, I look ,and I scream at the top of my lounges "FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING SON OF A FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!" I walked down trodden back to the dugout. My teammates god bless them didn't give me crap about flying out. So I grab my big ass water cooler thremus bidness as the coach starts to give a post game wrap up in the right field foul area. But in my head I was replaying that last at bat. AS he dismissed us I took my thermus thing which held about 2 gallons of water and threw it over the home run fence. It exploded on impact. I felt a hell of a lot better. The next game I went 3-4 with 2 doubles and 4 rbis.

So beating down a water cooler,gatorade machine, thermus , and any other beverage dispensing apparatus. Umm , So its now like 2:45 am and I am tired of microwaving my testicles tonight and I kinda stopped talking about water coolers a while ago, so good night Phuckers and Thanks Water Coolers Your pretty cool.

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