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Thursday, September 29, 2011

over 8 games up and ...... Collapse !!!!!


     Do you remember the episode of the Simpsons when Bart  goes to Nelson's  birthday part and no one is there and then Nelson thinks Bart is his best friend and it has that stalker vibe until Bart starts to see the plus side of that friendship. Well,  "Ah Oh do I hear a Dial tone this party is off the hook".... Welcome to the Collapse club Atlanta Braves and Boston Red Sox. We have been waiting for a while for someone to show up to our yearly party and this year we were lucky that two of you showed up what are the odds.... It's not that kind of site. But  its this kind of site.

      This paragraph is for the 1 or 2 Braves fans that still or can read. Your collapse  was the one I wanted to see the most. Granted I did say you have to win it all soon so Chipper can retire a champion and get his life time supply of Hooters wings. But you guys had the biggest collapse in the history of the Wild card era. Yes, my Sonic eating,three teeth having, sprawling mansion living , very nice airport having  rubes.   Over working your young bullpen to the point when every time the best statistical closer this season came in for the save he failed miserably. The Braves really tried so hard to lose every game. Only seeming to beat the Mets but they got flat out  fucked by every team that they faced. They we're not as luck as the Red Sox in the fact that the team behind them wasn't hitting the brakes .Like I have said in post past The St. Louis Cardinals were not going to stop until they shut Nyjer Morgan the fuck  up. The Braves might be the only team to prosper from their epic collapse. Since the Braves have a ranging core of Veterans and  young talent that can take this and use it to their advantage. Jason Heyward had the  a rough sophomore slump where he found out that pitchers don't like giving up home runs to some young kid who replaced strike out enthusiast Matt Diaz. But With Larry on his last legs, Uggla only doing bicep workout and that young bullpen now seasoned the Bravos will probably get another big arm pitcher to replace Derek Lowe when they trade him to the Minnesota Twins for some over rated prospect like Joe Mauer . I think his brother plays for their farm system. Derek Lowe for Randell Mauer, I think thats his name?

        Now this brings me to the main attraction. The Boston Red Sox, Oh man 7-20 in september and none of those wins were consecutive.  Unfortunately  their collapse might not be as fruitful as the Braves. Why you ask? There are some to a cuckold   similarities  between the Red Sox and The Mets. Don't believe me well lets look at it in list form.

1.  Over priced free agents not really panning out-Carl Crawford and Tom Glassine: I know its a huge stretch but The Mets got Glassine from the rival Braves to lock up the top half of their rotation. Like how the Sox got Crawford from the rival Braves to have a speedy and strong offense.

2.  The Bullpen Falling apart when september arrived-Aaron Heilman was supposed to be our Icy setup man who  can come into the eighth inning and set it up perfectly for Billy   but in 08 his 3.40 average ERA ballooned to 5.21 and which spelled the end of Heinemann's career as a Met.  Matt Albers, Daniel Bard,  Dan Wheeler ineffectiveness late in the season  and the over use of Alfredo Aceves who threw over 100 innings with only four starts so that could only be 20 innings not from the bullpen.

3.    The manager and GM are bigger then the team -  When Willie and Omar started to disagree some time in 2007 after Omar fired hitting coach Rick Downs  since Willie was giving the latin players shit about being to boastful and celebrating too much, So after Willie's dude got the axe Willie went after the one guy on the team who was hand picked by Omar to be a leader by cutting Julio Franco. Now nothing has happened yet with Francona and Epstein but you can all most feel the fracturing of their relationship since its been 2 years since the last time the Red Sox made it past September 30th.  With bad moves like John Lackey and Carl Crawford bringing down the whole  Red Sox workman like rep (two guys getting paid big money and doing dick for it) another bad move and these two will be fight on twitter by  the First Yankees series in 2012.

4.  Blowing an 8 game lead in the last month of the season-I don't know how long I can tap dance around it. The Mets blew a 7 game lead with 17 left to play yes it was humiliating seeing a good team crumble against weak matchups . But Boston had the division lead going into the end of August and they gave it away. They stopped being dominate like how they were after their 0-10 start.  The Mets totally sucked and were left looking like assholes by the end of the month in both 07 and 08. Now It's the Red Sox who are left shaking their heads and asking them selfs why.

Bonus*  The one guy who seemed like the emotional leader and the Verbal badass will become an outcast from the shot callers in the organization but not the fans-Paul  Leduc  and Dustin Peoria . These two  guys are both fan favorites and have a mind of their own. LoDuca   said " I am a 36 year old catcher so this might be my last chance to win and we have a good team," and Pedoria has said " Laser show" so  really I don't think these two are the same because of age and positions that they play but who really knows what went on behind closed doors, who knows what they said. All I know is that Pauly was out there every night busting his ass to pick up under 21 year old chicks at Long Island bars.

       There will be a lot of questions to answer for both these teams going into 2012 . Last night was unreal if you were a baseball fan. 2 extra inning games that one was a walk off and the other was a deathblow, an absolute drumming by the Cardinals and a Rain delayed disaster for an elite closer. The Fact that the yankees gave up a 7 run lead in 2 innings just unreal. I was watching three of the 4 games at my house. My Brother who is now nicknamed the Big Q was watching the end of both the Red Sox and the Rays game. Even he was stunned with the outcome and he doesn't really care for baseball. But seriously if you knew the story of why these games were important and watched the outcome  you would be moved to watch some of the playoffs.

   And Now Fucking Dateline is acting like they now whats what about baseball. Like this nerd ass writer ever played real baseball before. Listen to this shit his keys to success : Practice under Pressure like the Military, Forget about playing bad, and Remember the good times of winning. Good Fucking reporting Douche nozzle  where did you go to college Joe Morgan's school of broadcasting.  Way to go Fuck Knuckle way to make you dad  proud now that you talked about sports. Now when he talks to his friends at the Rusty Cornhole  he can actually tell them what you really do. So Welcome guys to the Late season Collapse club meetings are generally held on tuesdays at 9 but you can stay in good standings well you know how.


Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Oh my God I think I finally respect Rex Ryan...Shit

       So if you didn't know I am a Giants fan. I think the recaps of week 1&2 could have proved that if not well I am a Giants fan so a story that has a title that says I respect the Jets Head coach Rex Ryan should come as a shock to the world.

        But today when  I read(Read It!!!!!!) that Rex Ryan basically told Joe Namath to shut his stupid historically overrated mouth up I smiled a bit. Oh what you think Joe Namath is good just because he won a super bowl. Then you should think , Doug Williams, Brad Johnson, Trent Dilfer, Joe Theism, and Eli Manning are hall of famers. The Dude won 1 title and did shit until the end of his career his is barely a hall of famer. And what seems to be the past  like 5 years he has come out of his drunken stupor to shit on whatever the Jets try to do. Now I have laughed at most of what he said because he is a clown and the Jets were playing as such. But since Rex came swashbuckling into the Jets organizations and changed the culture from laughable goons to trash talking assholes who don't take shit from no one. With their two  appearances in the Afc  championship game  in the past two years the Jets have stormed their way back to semi respectability. Since then Namath  has been awfully chatty about how the Jets aren't as good as they think they are. Blah blah blah .  Namath knows if the Jets somehow win the Superbowl with in the next few years the Jets faithful will forget about Ol' Broadway Joe and start praying at the alter of the Sanchize .  So he has been ultra critical about eery Jet loss which since Rex Ryan took over has been only been 15 total losses which isn't that bad.  The Jets are on the move wether we like it or not and its time we all realize it. It hurts so bad to say that these tenants of the Giants new stadium have the best shot of making it to the big show this year. Ugh I feel like I need a shower now. Actually I would prefer the Jets to win it all then the Cowboys, Eagles, and Chargers win it all.  


        So Namath crossed the line this time. Rex  put his foot down this time. Telling Broadway if he wants to see how good the team really is he should stumble his way to Pelham Park and watch his guys prepare for games. Then he ends the fight with a knock out blow of " He's a Jets,and when you're a Jet you're a Jet for life, " No fooling read the article . I paraphrase a lot but this is verbatim  bro.  Oh I can't wait for the old school fans to turn up and start saying how disrespectful Ryan is to the history of the team, and so on I'll here about it from my uncle who is a huge Jets fan... And the younger brasher and well drunker fans will say this is what the Jets needed to stop living in 1969 and realizing that their time is coming very soon. I hate them so much

      Now Heres my take. Yes, Joe Namath is a jackass who would be a 3rd stringer in the league now, and  yes I think Rex Ryan loves to see his name on the back pages. But Ryan's right his team lost to the Raiders who has a sick running back who is a lot tougher  then Frank Gifford.  Namath should just be happy people still know him for being a Quarterback instead of that drunk creep who hit on Suzy Kobler . Joe seriously you have no right to say that this team is not prepared when their defensive scheme is so complex you need a masters in advanced cryptomathatics( I think thats German?)  to understand the cover 2's.  The Jets are  ugh A good team hell  if they beat Buffalo they might be the best team. Frankly no one should ask Joe Namath about how the game is played today they should just ask him about  his career and how he nailed every Rockkett back in 1970. I know my point seems a bit jumbely and I think I have repeated my self plenty of times but now you know how interviews with Namath goes.  What I want you to walk away with is that   I hate the Jets... Fuck 'em let the Old people and young ones eat each other alive .  My cousin Jay is gonna give me shit about that. Oh well  what will I do ?



Sunday, September 25, 2011

Holy shit I just had a terrifying dream

       Dude you don't understand what just flashed through my mind tonight.  So after watching the Mets just own the fuck out of the Phillies  in a day night double header. A scary thought  came through my brain and it shook me to my core. Like seeing something disturbing  shook.

   OK so here it is. How much money do the Phillies actually have?  This offseason showed us that Philidelphia sports teams have no problem getting that one big time free agent to put them over the edge and that ruins everyones life. Wether its Cliff Lee or  Nnamdi Asomugha just  fucking things up for everyone. So this was the thought. Ok so let say the Phillies get bounced again in the second round or the Series.  I highly doubt they will keep Palcido Palonco  due to his age and his declining  skills.  So when free agency come around what are the chances of the Phillies opening up that big red check book and throwing down a fat check at ..... Albert Pujols. Holy shit did I just blow all your collective minds , I think I did.

     Is it really that far off to think that could happen. It's not like we havent seen a big time star  switch a spot(A-rod/Jeter, Youk/Gonzo,Braun/Mcghee,Soriano/Vidro)  to go to a contender. Albert has played 3rd base a few times this year and he is pretty good and they could always use more righty pop in that line up.

Here check out the line up with The Machine in it
1. Rollins-SS
2. Utley- 2b
3. Pojuls- 3b
4. Howard- 1b
5. Pence-RF
6.Mayberry/Ibanez- Lf
7. Victorino-CF
8. Ruiz- C

     Are you kidding me look at that with Halladay, Lee, Oswaltt, and Hammels they lock down that bullpen up and boom the Douche Dynasty is born.

    Let that sit in your brain caverns for a few days and when Albert goes out to test the free agent waters and those Phantics get a taste for blood. Crazier shit has happened man and Philly is all about being dicks at the last minute.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

I know I know here it is the long awaited recap...The New Girl !!!

    This is the most original, quirky, and inventive new show out there. Zooey Deschanel drops her uninspired monotoned voice to play a hipster chick who moves into a pretty sweet pad with 3 bros 2 white guys and a black dude( to be determined). They Laugh they cry they learn  and they say things with their mouth about stuff I could honestly care less about.

   Its Week two Phuck  heads Lets do this. 

So week two brought out the whopping stick to those who weren't good enough to make it to the final round of the Madden Nation vote. Which If the rest of the nations in the world were as organized and level headed as Madden Nation is.   I am pretty sure there would be just war every where. But what ever Lets recap some football.

   The Chiefs V. The Lions- Kansas City season is over or we might be watching the greatest underdog story since the little engine that  could. Their defense is in shambles, their star running back is done for the year,  Matt Cassel  and Dwayne Bowe   have looked  like they have just met each other a few days ago. Sadly they ran into the buzz saw known as the Lions. Matthew Stafford is burning up corner backs every time he drops back and Megatron  is cool with it. The Chiefs play The Chargers and the Lions play The Vikings. Can the Lions keep up the streak of  dropping 40pts  on fools this sunday?

      The Raider V  The Bills-For some reason people where hyped about this game. Yes, they both won their week 1 match ups but it was against teams with shitty defenses. Both teams  star running backs had big games but only one could win and after a shaky first half the Bills surprised the nation by squeaking out a 3pt victory. The Raiders play the Jets and The Bills play the Pats. So both teams are going to get beat but  the Bills will put up a good fight to be slapped by Tom " Even though I'm trying really hard to look like Justin Bieber  and still have regular  sex with someone who is hotter then the sun." Brady  in the end.

           The Jets v The Jaguars-I was sure for the first 4 quarters  that the Jets flew in a high school team until lil' Grineke  the new kid at work told me that the Jaguars are still a pro team. But you could have fooled everyone. 4 pick, a safety and I think Rex Ryan ate MJD. The Jets flat out owned shoppe on these guys. It hurt to listen to. The Jaguars play the Panthers in the meow-mix bowl and the Jets like I said before play the Raiders.

       The Steelers V. The Seahawks-After last weeks humiliating loss against the Ravens. The Steelers were looking to put a hurt on the next team that got in their way. And  the one thing that Ben Roethliesbeger does better then playing football is forcing himself on people. I guess he stepped in on the defense's meeting and gave them a few pointers because they went off shutting out the poorly put together Seahawks.  Pete Carroll looked like he wanted to go back to USC and get sanctioned by the NCAA just to get away from the Steelers defense. The Steelers play the Colts in a sunday night beat down and the Seahawks play the high flying Cardinals.

        The Cowboys V 49ers-Man back in the way back this game would have been hot fire but sadl  now its just a game where the Douches had a late win against the under achievers. But I have to admit this game had its moments. With all the scoring and the comebacks and the well I caught this on recap so it looked good. I did find it funny that since Romo's  toughness gets questioned what
seems like every week  when he came back with the cracked rib and lead his team to victory  and  everyone on the sidelines were saying "Romo  came back with out the pain shot , he is sooo  tough " and Jerry Jones who seemed to miss the memo said something like " What are you guys saying he got the pain shot I seens  it my self" I am paraphrasing of course but that what happen.  The       Cowboys play the  Redskins who try to win their second divisional game  of the front 9 and the 49ers   take on the Bengals in a I love the 80's matchup that no one cares about.

       The Giants V. The Rams-I was super pumped because I only missed like 5 snaps in this game. I rushed home from work threw off my work pants and threw on my giants shorts. And parked it right in front of my new tv . This had to be the sloppiest game I have ever seen. The Giants were going to win this game the defense was too good. But they did everything in their power to lose that game. But Lucky for them The Rams didn't want that game anyway. The Giants limp in to Philly to play the Dream team and The Rams play The Ravens who might actually show up this week.

        The Falcons V. The Eagles-I think there was a game between these two. All I saw and heard the whole time was that Michael Vick played there  at one time and something happened with a dog or something. But after that nonsense they talked about houses but the game was pretty good. Matt Ryan showing Atl  what he is about again. Going big money to ToGo for two touchdowns in the redzone.  Now the Dream team's prefect season has been ruined so they will take their over blown hype against the G-men in their home opener so the brakes are off they are blowing up  big and the Flacons play the Bucs  in another young gun show down.

    The Patriots V. The Charger-Tom Brady was Tom Brady . Is that good enough for everyone? Good.

   So that was the long awaited recap of week two. I am going to make a slalom vow to you Phucks  that after Week 3 I will give you guys a recap by at least thursday.  Plus I will end every football post with a picture of an Nfl cheerleader. Cheap Trick yes I know but you like it so shut up.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Where the phuck is week 2

   Hey phuckers, look I am sorry  I haven't  done a week two recap. I have been swamped with well with playing madden and watching all the new shows. So probably on Saturday night when I get in from work I'll write one up. Maybe I'll hit on the new uniforms that Nike is going to unleash on the world next season. Who knows, Oh well Happy Thursday you Phucking Phuckers. Yeah I have a thing where each post should have at least  3 regular photos or one really funny ones.

Yankees clinch the east is anyone really surprised?

   To answer the question I just asked. No ,no one is surprised. The only thing that people are surprised about is that both Wild card leaders are competing with each other to see who can pretend to be the 07 08 Mets. Well, looks like both of these two huge disappointments are going to crumble.

       I find it funny that Boston fans still think they have a clear shot at the playoff because the Rays  have lost  3 against the Yankees. The problem is Boston just because the Yankees beat the team that is on your ass doesn't mean you can make it in. The Los Angeles Of California of western United States of California adventure  Disneyland( Yeah I can't believe this shit was real either, I don't know if they added the Mickey ears bit it was a brilliant add. Sudden racism and selling sex to your kids thats the Disney way... Heads up I might be through in gitmo now) of Anaheim  Angels are burning it up. Just because the Rays have lost a step this week doesn't mean shit. Both the Angels and the Rays are 2.5 back on the Red Sox. Now if  the season ends with a tie and the Red sox somehow manage to hang on to the wild card due to some strange 4 game win streak that starts up against the Yankees and either the Rays or the Angels continue to gain ground and force the ever so popular one game playoff . The Red Sox have to prayer to what ever God they have prayed to before that has  made Marco Scutaro  a serviceable major league short stop,  they have to hope that The Angels are the team they face. If you don't know the Red Sox have historically Slapped around the Angels even back when they were just the California Angels.  But if the Red Sox draw the Rays who are they going to put out on the mound? Seriously who on the Red Sox right now can win them that one game? Lester, Beckett, Wakefield?  The addition of Eric Bedard blew up in their face. Though you could've seen that shit for miles away the guy has no heart anymore, when he takes the mound he just look like he wants to be somewhere else. Its like once he left the O's he took a shit on his career he couldn't hack it up in Seattle and they haven't been relevant since Bill Clinton was stuffing fat chicks in the White House.  If the Red sox somehow stumble in to the playoff they will be playing on borrowed time. I hate to say it because I think Boston's a cool town full of cool people but do they seriously think they stand a chance against teams like Detroit , Texas and if they get past them the Yankees.  Can their bullpen hold a lead? Can their offense out slug everyone else in a 7 game series? There is no way man. No fucking way. Boston gets hot. Seriously start it up .

   The other team  that is just making me laugh really hard in my laz-e-boy. Is the Atlanta Braves?  Oh man it feels good to see a team that has rightly beaten the balls off my Mets for the past oh lets say 15 years.  The Braves are falling harder then the Red Sox and the thing is there are better team on their ass. The Cards and Giants are on unbelievable hot streaks while the Braves have hit a terrible cold streak. The Cards are like I said are highly motivated to break in and fuck the brewers up on that big stage and now those damn dirty hipster out in San Fran have found out that people will think they are too main stream being out of the playoffs or whatever but that has light a fire under their asses and have been burning it down lately. The only real difference is between Boston and Atlanta is Atl  has better pitching. They have four to five studs in that rotation and  3 horses in the pen. Hanson is on the comeback trail and should be well rested if they get into the playoffs. Do I wish  the Bravos luck... eeeh  I don't think so because the team to be the world shakers are the D-Backs

   The last week is upon us are we ready for it? I am sorry this wasn't a long as many of the other one I have written in the Past but they have this 10 year Hard Knocks thing on HBo and I am like split minding it right now. Damn You football season for being so good. Oh yeah also its the WNBA playoff... I guess thats still a real thing. Do women watch the WNBA ? Would anyone care if they went on strike? and Does anyone care ?


Tuesday, September 20, 2011

The Phantom Spotlight is a real thing ... Trust me I thought about becoming a doctor

  As the season draws to a close we take a quick look back at the great things that have happened by the one thing that can only be described as unbelievable. Thats right I am talking about the Phantom spotlight, the mythical thing that I made up a few months ago to take credit for all the success of the teams we mentioned. Whats that? Good Idea,  no friend great idea ! So know I am gonna give  a summary of all those who have graced with the warm glowing light of the spotlight...

     To the Detroit Tigers: Your welcome because when you were down I promptly kicked you in to balls and M.D insulted your last names and you took that and ran with it and haven't lost since apparently so If you do win it all I expect an invitation to the parade. I only fly first class.  To the Al central I am soo  sorry bro I didn't think this was going to happen. Sorry Mauer looks like you wont be on Mlb the show 2012. 

     To the Arizona D-backs-After M.D called you the least relievant after you got your balls handed to you by the Mets you stepped your game up and show those dirty hipsters that the desert dwellers are pressing replay on the ten year anniversary of the 2001 championship season. With Ian Kennedy and those other guys who I still can't name  under the guidance of the most  reluctant of post seasons of heros.  It was game one and he didn't play the rest of the series so shut up about it all ready.

   To the Boston Red Sox- After  starting the season 0-10 and having no luck with you high priced free agents from both 2010 and 2011. Your turned it on like I totally said you would. You guys were lucky enough to get the second bit of light from us.  After the fact I said you'd take 2 of 3 against the Yankees with Dustin Pedrioa  going deep you took off  until basically the end of august.  I guess my visit up there was the last time  you guys actually took a series I apologize.

    To the Pittsburg Pirates- Bro  what happened I thought we had a deal. After M.D gave you the third ever post saying that you were going to be special. You kind of were, with blow up right out the gate. You were the first to get the spotlight and by God you ran with it. Its sad you couldn't hold on to the end , which the trade fro Ludwick  and Lee pretty much killed your season. Don't break whats not broken. Bust of luck on the links guys.

    To Rodger Clemens- So  I guess having mountains of evidence on you still you walked away with your steroid shrunken testicles intact. Douche. Sorry America this ones on me...

    To the Milwaukee Brewers- I know I just burned your door down last week but you did catch the spotlight back in April so this amazing run your on is due to us not that idiot that plays center field because Carlos Gomez broke is collar bone doing some outfield acrobatics. So unlike Detriot instead of giving us our own float during the Parade just give us Packers tickets.
    To Doira Baird - I was reading Yahoo  sports today because they have turned into a blog site now and they had this story how Rob Ryan ( the quite one) had on his play call sheet a picture of her. So obviously he reads or he is a fan of  movies. But with her knock out looks she might be the key to the cowboys success and is no way  Tony Romo's. I am still waiting for my thank you  ...Stupid Twitter

      To Minka Kelly - After I defended that dick bag Derek Jeter after his desicion to sip the All star game this year and go on vacation to complain about his hamstring as you look super hot. You dumped his same cut since 1996 ass in the lurch. Way to go. I kidding of course you didn't break up with Jeter because he hasn't given up on the past because of my amazing writing skills. Its because I am on the road to health. Yeah thats write I am gonna try to drop at least 70 lbs this winter and spring so I can crush it at the clubs in the summer.

   So there are some of the examples of teams we have shined a light on and they have shied with victories and blah blah blah. With every great thing we have done and said and we have done and said some pretty great things. There is also some bad effects of the spotlight.

     Ike Davis- Sorry bro. I didn't mean for this to happen man. I  really thought you would of just been fine crushing homers like a boss maybe helping the Mets fight it out for  the wild card. But Saidly you broke your leg thanks to David Wright and my post saying you look a lot like a young Bruce Springsteen. Sorry man.

   Kila Ka'aihue- So I said you were going to hit 30 homers this year for the up start Royals... Yeah that didn't really happen. This one I am going to blame on Justin Verlander owning your ass.

  That brings me to the Kanas City Royals-So I was all about you guys this year even got my self a Royals fitted. But you continue to finish in last place.... Moostakis  , Hosmer and Melky Cabrera ? Are the keys to your future?

   Buck "Stop Fucking me in the butt Derek Jeter"-Dude  I thought you were the one. I thought you would be the manager that would make the Baltimore Orioles a good team finally making the town that tries so hard to be southern New Jersey actually be Southern Virginia .  But no sadly you failed harder then this poor bastard... Yeah I was think ing of a joke but I save good joke for teams that actually win games.

    Grammar- Oh man you have taken it so hard these past 6 months. I am sorry Its been a while since I paid attention english class.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Just in time for week 2 its a recap of week 1... Hindsight is 20/20 and thats pretty good


 With Week two rapidly approaching and Week one so far in the rear view. The fans have been assaulted with the asinine ramblings of NFL Playoff talk. All ready Its unreal. Seriously last few days driving to and from work I heard at least  5 different shows talking about the playoff implications of week 1.  Are you kidding me no one takes week one seriously.

    To me the first week of any season is like the first real week of school. Yeah you might of done some summer classes to get you some extra credit or the girl you have a crush on made you take the class because she "wanted" to spend more time with you but really she only told you to take the class because she can cheat off you so you both can pass and when you do pass the final you get to walk home with her and her new boyfriend who's in college and he happens to be the vice president of his frat called Date Rape Omega or what ever.  But who really cares about week one ? Its super lame and in no why going to make promises it can't keep...… Sorry elementary school was tough for me.

  SO lets recap what happened in week one.

Houston Texans V. Indianapolis Colts-So have thought to your self what
Would the world be like without Peyton Manning? Well, thats pretty much what would happen. A total disaster on both fronts by the Colts. Now the Texans are flying high because the one thing that stood in their way of making the playoffs were the Colts, their shitty defense, they're historically bad offensive line, their coach making bone head calls , and any post season experience...… So Maybe the other Texas team can be something this year. The Texans play the Dolphins 4:15 and the Colts play the Browns 1p.

The New York Football Giants V. Washington Redskins-I am so disappointed in what I saw in this game. Rex Grossman treat the G-men like he treats buffalo wings.... He's fat. It started out ok a 7-7 tie through out the first and well I was working so I caught small samplings of this game. But It goes to show you If you say you should be looked at as one of the best the best thing you can do the first chance you get  is to show you are better then advertised. The Redskins play  the Cardinals at 1p and the Giants play the beat up Rams on monday night. So maybe these two walking wounded teams can I don't know trip over their bandages  .

 The Green Bay Packers v The New Orleans Saints-the Battle of former Champions... This thursday night battle exceeded the shitty hype. These two sluggers came out and put a whoopin' on each other. 34-42 thats pretty good for two teams that wont make it to the third round of the playoffs this  year. OH shit did I just blow you mind with not hopping on their dicks? Look out world I am the lone outsider thinking that these teams are pretty shitty . The Packers face Cam and his Panthers at 1 and The birth mark take on the Bears and a motivated Brian Urlacher. Which If I can say  I am sorry to hear about your mother bro, thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

Pittsburg Steelers V. Baltimore Ravens-Edgar Allan Poe couldn't have wrote  a scary story for the Steelers to read… Yeah I know that was a weak ass joke. But did you see how hard the Ravens fucked Big Ben. Go ahead make all the sexual assault joke you need to I owe you one. But just all over the joint, 7 turnovers , Ray Rice ran all over the field ( is it just me or is Ray Rice becoming a superstar)?  And Joe Flacco making his presence felt with 3 td's and none of them to Derek Mason breaking the streak of  an over the hill receiver being the # 1 option for a good qb.

 The New York Jets V the Dallas Cowboys-I fucking hate both of these teams. But apparently all my friends and some of my relative are fans of both these teams. It makes me so mad. But what ever the golden Boys took time out of looking in the mirror and once Sanchez got back from dropping off his new girlfriend at day care they strap on the pads and had other people do the work for them. My favorite quote on this whole game was on the Philip Defranco show which isn't sports related at all but he said "  Is there anything more American then Tony Romo  choking in the fourth quarter. Fucking Brilliant. So I guess both these teams will meet up again in the super bowl parking lot as they watch good teams play.  Romo  suck, Sanchez sucks, Rex Ryan is ok , and Derrell Revis  might be the second coming of Ronnie Lott  who I know is a safety but I am not a defense type of guy.

The Detroit Lions V. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers-This is the game that I really wanted to see. These are two young and up and coming  teams in the NFL. The questions are going to be answered this year. Can Stafford stay healthy all year and lead this talented group to the next level, Can Josh Freeman continue his shocking dominance of the NFL in his 3rd year, How many amazing catches will Megaton make this year and am I seriously hype about the Bucs and Lions?  Yeah Buddy , I am excited to watch these two teams all year.  Even though Freeman struggled he should be  click in this year and Stafford seriously if he stays healthy the Pack have something to worry about since the Bears are ok and the Vikings suck so hard. The Lions will play the disappointing Chief at 1 and the Bucs will play the afore mentioned Vikings at 1.

     The New England Patriots V The Miami Dolphins- So much was not made of this long AFL rivalry.  As we all know Tom Brady(Yeah that guy) is pretty good at playing Football.  But who would of thought he would drop 517 yards on the fins. Well pretty much everyone who ever played for the Patriots. See the story isn't really about how good the Pats offense was on monday night. Its the Shit storm Ochocinco got on tuesday from some old school Pats. First  Teddy Bruschi blew up on WEEI, Rodney Harrison blew up on espn radio, and Damian Woody blew up on espn.  All Ocho said was that he was amazed that some one  could drop 517 on well pro athletes as hard as it is to call the Miami Dolphins secondary pros. No one gets it why the hate guys? Are you still chapped about losing super bowl 42? Is it hard for you to know that with the shorter training camp and with the advance system Bellicheck runs it might be tougher for a guy who played for 10 years in a system which was set for idiots( sorry wuhday Nation your really stupid). You might say the rookie tight ends got it and they are new to the league. Yeah they also had april till August to learn Ocho had only end of July to August to get it. So your all a bunch of assholes and you lost the most important super bowl. Plus Patriots Pr group you might need help. Tom Brady Said get lubed and get rowdy etc, well what he meant was have lubey sex with your brazilian model wife.... OH you cant do that then get fucked up and punch Philip Rivers in the dumb mouth. The Pats play the Chargers

   Week 2 should have better results then week 1. Lets hope so because I don't know if I can handle the Giants starting 0-2 with a shitty schedule to start the season . But It feel good to write about Football . I don't know if this is going to be the format but I do like  how I can pick out a few teams and not have to go nuts with all the stats. Oh thank God footballs back.

Friday, September 16, 2011

I can't really come up with something good about football/baseball so ... Round 3 of reviews ... Conviction

   Right so like the title said I am blanking on sports right now. I have a day off tomorrow from both jobs  in which I  burnt my self out going balls out for the last few weeks of the summer and the start of September so in October I can chill ass and watch football, the playoffs and drink for my b-day because nothing says turning 26 like taking it easy.

    So after I came in from work this afternoon I took a quick nap a long shower and some well lets just say "me time". So when  came back down to the lair to watch the recaps and Its always sunny and Archer because the Office and Community with my favorite Alison Brie doesn't start showing new episodes until next week so I decide to watch a little HBO again to see whats the haps is . So hbo is showing the movie called Conviction staring  The next karate kid Hilary Swank and Sam Rockwell whois one of my top 5 favorite actors. He is always in solid features so I was about 75% into this movie.

   OK I am going to be honest I must have turned it on like a half an hour in but I go the gist of the story. So Hilary Swank and Sam Rockwell are latch key kids from southie  I take it from their piss pawr  basston  accents which are ridicules to say the least. But Hilary and Sam are brother and sister named Kenny and Betty Ann Waters. Which is Shanty to start?  So Kenny is convicted of murdering some bitch back in 83 and the evidence is heavy in favor of him killing this lady. The verdict comes down as guilty and he is sentenced to life with no parole. Betty Ann is shook he husband and new babies are all like WTf bro.
    The movie starts jumping around like fucking crazy. Its now 10 years later and we can tell my the lines on Swanks face and over the years she was learning to be a lawyer so she could free him. But apparently Shit got too much for her dumb struck husband so he bounced because Betty Ann couldn't go fishing so he left her and then became some sort of All-star in his new swanky pad and land rover in the driveway. So It clips through her at school and her visiting kenny in jail and he is starting to look like an elder James Headfield  from Metallica.
     So The best parts are the visits to prison.  Each time it's a one of two ways. 1 they are super hype and high fiving   like it's the fucking super bowl or something, or it's the worst day in the world kicking and screaming punching guards like it was his job. On one of the visits a guard said "No Touching" and Rockwell and the guard look at each other like they know.
    But since the conviction Betty Ann has been really working to find something that will help bring up another case which by the way there has been multiple cases in the background which the viewer has no idea happened until they kind of mention it. Now here and her friend Minnie Driver who is like  what seems to be a sancho ponza  type character or a common sense Robin to Swanks Batman. So they manage to pass the bar and get hooked up with Chuck Cedar of all people who plays like this lawyer who  specializes in Dna evidence.
   So the whole gang hits the streets with piss and vinegar knocking down doors and punching old ladies in the sagging boobs.  Honestly at this point I hit the bathroom because dinner was not sitting well with me so I missed a few key points of the end of the Movie. But They overturned the ruling because some bitches back in the day lied. So now lickity  spilt he's out of jail and it's a happy ending.

      Honestly this movie had me on the edge of being really mad.  Not because the story was bad, It wasn't at all I mean it's a touching story of how far someone would go for their family and this seemed like a lot of work so I am not mad at that. I am just mad that 45% of the story was ripped out of it. I almost feel like there is a better movie somewhere waiting for me to watch with the same story  and cast and everything. I am just so incomplete right now and it's really upsetting I think I am going to cry about it .... Wait No I am not because I spent half the movie in the bathroom praying that  my last post said "Cheesy north" so I wasn't 100% focused on what was going on so I guess this was really pointless I am trying to get my mind cleared so I can re cap some football and whatever.


Thursday, September 15, 2011

Who is going to wear the Black Hat in the Playoff aka The Brewers are turning in to huge tools

( I still can't get over this picture its so creepy) 

   I got in pretty late from work tonight and I was contemplating even writing tonight and just crushing it thursday,Friday and Saturday with maybe two posts each of those days, Whoa holy shit did I just say 6 posts in 3 days lets slow it down... Any way back to my point. So the playoffs are rapidly approaching and the first team took their place as the #1 seed. Surprise the Phillies  with their 10000000-5 win loss record this year. Now they wait to see who is next and the next to clinch should be the Brewers.

    To start the year the Brewers were a cool pick to win the division. The Cards were getting older and their ace went down and had to get Tommy John, The Reds looked ok but did not really add anything to push them over the hump, The Pirates shot out the gate like hot fire and captivate the nation with the eh starry eyed hopes of a season over .500 to have them be dashed by a shitty post all star break, The Cubs  doing just enough not to be out right terrible, and The Astros doing just enough to be down right terrible. The Brew crew slugged and pitched their way up the ranking with their 3-4 punch of Braun and Fielder and newly acquired Zach Grineke looking to get back to his C.Y young form and Shaun Marcum  who's beard rivals only Chuck Norris's. Broke out in like mid june running up and showing the old favorite cardinals that there is a new honcho in town and his name is Tony Plush. Who took the torch of the biggest personality in the national league.

     But as the season winds down the Brewers are showing some cracks in this fun loving bunch of characters who seemed to be the underdogs to the power house Phillies. T-plush antics have be come over whelming and now have become clownish and annoying.The problem with what  Tony Gumbo antics in comparison with Wilson's  is that the bearded ones antics came after wins that he locked down. This fight with Chris Carpenter and his tweets about Albert Pujols  and calling him a girl is not a smart move. The last thing the Brewers need is a a motivated Cardinals team full of veterans who are looking to shut this young team up.
   Now  we see that mid season acquisition  and Tap-out shirt wearing senior fighter K-Rod is now mad that all the save chances are going to Closer John Axford.  So he is stewing out in the bullpen there as Bernie  is creepy out on cheese filled soccer moms.  So if you live in Cheesey North area and are over the age of 60 I would go to the last few game with an air of cation.
    And now Prince Fielder who is having a break out year on his contract year ( Shocker) is saying that this will be his last season in the Walkie. This is not good buddy. What is going on up there these days it's not good? The  fact they are 4-6 in their last 10 and the Cards have won 7 out of 10 and are now 5.5 games back this is the time were a playoff bound team puts their individual shit to the curb and focus up.

  It's going to be so hard to root for these guys down the stretch because it feel like they don't deserve it like they almost think they have won it all when they have yet to see anywhere  outside of the second round since Robin Yount's  mustache called Nancy Reagan a hot piece off good ol' American ass(I tried to find the one where they were at the club and the dude said grade a ass but youtube let me down). And really the The Cards have the best shot o over taking the Brewers because they play the all ready clinched phillies , the Mets who are about to be 4 game swept by the Nationals(some times I just don't know), and they finish it out with 6 against the Cubs and Astros who are using Wiffle  ball bats nowadays. The Crew as the Reds,cubs, Pirates and Marlins coming up. Now I know I cracked wise about the Cubs and the Astros no more then 50 words ago but last place teams in the last 2 weeks of the season are going to be the toughest test for any contender. They have absolutely nothing to lose they are going to go balls out to try to fuck up your standings. If the  Crew and Cards are 2 games out going into the last 3 games this season the Pirates (Crew) and the ( Astros) are going to do everything they possibly can to run shoppe on these  guys.  The only goal these team have in mind is to shut up Nyjer Morgan(Tony Plush, Gumbo, T-plush, Douche Face Killa ).
    So with September slowly winding down  and the games becoming more and more important for both these central based teams. Which one will have the stomach to tough it out?  If the Brewers make it with all of these problems will you still consider them the dark horse favorite?  The egos and  the bitching and the Social anxiety of their Ace who has never pitched on a game that has been aired on anything but local coverage. Can the Brewer recapture the magic they had only 2 short months ago or are they just another collection of assholes who everyone wants to crash and burn?

    All those questions and more to be answered in the next 2 weeks. Talk to you tomorrow.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

So Who knew that both Joe Torre and Bud Selig are both giant douches? Oh wait everyone knew that.

    This pat sunday was the 10th anniversary of the September 11th attacks on The World Trade Center and the Pentagon.  Around the country we stopped to honor and pay respects to  those who have fallen during the tragedy.

    In the sports world the grandest of tributes were paid all day and night. Wether it was opening day for the NFL or it was game 140 something for the MLB. Each team took the appropriate measures to honor the heros and the fallen of 9/11.

    But something a miss on sunday night.  Normally on the day of 9/11 the New York Mets wear hats to honor the New York civil service members. NyPd, FdNy,Transit, and PaPd hats are donned by the players for that day . Actually I don't know if you remember  back to the games after September 11th the Mets and Yankees both played games wearing these hats. But the Mets I believe were the only team to wear those hats for the rest of the season.

    Why is this a source of concern  ? Well, for the first time in 10 years the MLB offices  banned these hats because they felt that all teams were honoring America equally with flags on their hats and Uniforms. Apparently reports say that Mlb officials actually took the hats away from the players after warmups.

    Ok  heres where you going to get angry. Now ever since he retired last season Joe Torre Fellow NewYorker former  New York Mets and Yankees player and manager. He has been an executive Vp of baseball operations.  This is the part were it gets messy. He said it was Mlb's call to take the hats away from the Mets because it was an Unanimity thing as it says in the article.  It was Bud Selling's call and everyone agreed.

   I am sorry But when has Bud Selig ever had a thought by him self? "Bud" is probably the biggest push over  commissioner in all of sports. As a former owner , oh wait He still owns the Brewers. He Basically agrees with whatever is the popular choice. You think he had no clue on steroids? Bullshit he knew. But I am not mad at him he isn't the one we should be mad at. The person we should be furious with is Joe Torre.

     This guy hands are so dirty in this because its looks bad in 3 ways. The first way is kind of a stretch and I will admit that but  He ok the ban of the hats because it was the Mets not the Yankees. Why would I say that? Look If this order came down and it was for a Yankees home game would he allow it. I mean He is in charge of Baseball operations so it's not like there is someone above him. The person above him is Bud Selig so really Joe was in charge of the call. The second way and I hate to say it and I know I can catch a ton of shit for this and I hope I am wrong. Hell I hope I am wrong on both fronts but I have to say it. But Do you think Joe Torre let this shit happen because he thought it was tacky ? I mean Joe Torre by no means is a flashy guy he barely moved in the dug out when he was a manager. He is every quite and a traditional guy. Did he allow this order because it broke the Uniform code?  Or Joe Torre didn't want to cause a fuss with the suits and possibly lose his job so he'd have to beg Espn  for a job.

     The only reason why I am saying this and the only reason why I find it so hard to believe that he would just let something like this something that is  a way to honor  the heros of the tragedy in a unique way that no other team can because they are not from New York. Is because  he flipped his shit when the Yankees were going to give him a one year 8 million dollar contract. He went on say how good he is and spelt out his resume to anyone who would listen .  So when the Yankees wouldn't budge because they had a plan and a vision but they going to make an exception to keep him for  one year so he can end his career as a Yankee. He said no and book a ticket to  L.A for 3 years.

        So  my reason is Joe will stand up for what he thinks is right , what he thinks is just , and what he thinks will help out himself and anyone he likes. Joe Torre let everyone down. Your choice Joe Torre is a Coward or Joe Torre is a prick your call I think he is a prick. There is no such thing as  honoring too much.  Fuck every other team let the New York teams who are playing in New York those days  honor the crap out of that day because it still wouldn't be enough.

      I would like to take this time at the end of this post to say to all those who have lost, worked, and were affected in some way by the events on 9/11 that my thoughts and prayers along with billions of other peoples . You are never alone and you can lean on us because we leaned on you when we didn't know what to do. Thank you So much for everything you have done.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Don't Know if your a bro or not. Don't Stress Brohan Santana heres a list.

 So for months and months I have been arguing with M.D about the fact that he is a bro and he totally disagrees. Maybe thats why he hasn't posted up in a while. But nonetheless since the debate started I have been thinking about how it would make a great post. But with work and 10 cent wings getting in the way it got thrown to the back burner for a while and  what made me think of writing it was there was this story of this high school football game. The winning teams fans had this giant sign that said  " You mad Bro"  which is funny but the fact that the big press picked it up and some idiot called it racist. I have to find the article. It's a laugh riot bro.

   Now I have no clue if Bribable or Barstool or any other bro run blog did a similar list and if it seems like I am ripping them off  I am not I just haven't scoured the internet to see if they did it . Sorry Bro I don't have the time.

the 20 things that make you a Bro

1.  You're greeting to someone you know or don't man or woman is either : Yo Bro whats up , Yo dude/man how've you been ? Even when your boss calls you by your last name you respond " Whats up bro". Also you have different variations of the word Bro.

2.  You have work out and hang out pairs of basketball shorts and hats. Plus you own or want to own a mustache shirt.

3.   You wear a fitted or a jersey/sheerest of an out of market team who you are not a fan of out to a bar so you can say your from out of town.

4.  You say the words Hot Fire and you have trouble with how to use it in context . Proper way  "This dude spits hot fire" " My sandwich is such hot fire," improper  way " My zipper caught my nuts on the way up and it feels like hot fire " " I passed my test like hot fire". This factoid is not hot fire. Also you say Mad, Ill, homie without any Irony

5.  The first channel you turn on your flat screen t.v is Espn, Mlb Network, Versus, Nfl network or Comedy central.

6.   You still think Billy Madison and Happy Madison are extremely funny after the 7th grade.

7.   You wear those neon colored party favor sunglasses as your sunglasses. Side note You own a par of Oakley's or Fokley's.

8.   You and your closest friend have had a long and heartfelt talk about competing in the World series of beer pong.

9.   You Shut down your personal life for opening day, the all star game and The post season. Football Baseball Hockey or Basketball.  And you think the Olympics are fucking lame.

10.  You secretly or overtly watch Glee. If you secretly watch you say that show is stupid and is gay but your favorite character is Puck because he reminds you of how bad ass you were in high school. When you overtly watch it you make no bones about it. You know the exact episode you started liking it. Think I am kidding ask your bros.

11.  You lose your shit at the bar when they play Safety Dance, Juicy, Two Princes, and the Hulk Hogan theme song dance remix comes on .

12.  You wear your softball jersey out to non softball related functions. Also if you and your buddy both wear your Softball jersey to a Dropkick Murphys concert you tell the hot bartender that one of you is from Ireland and you try to get her digits.

13.  You try to relate to the Dos equies commercials  but fail miserably. Then you try drinking dos equies and fail miserably

14.  You call in sick to work to go to  your teams Championship parade and then moon the camera while wearing your personalized jersey. Then you chug a forty of Bud light like your some sort of champ yourself.

15.  You make your girlfriend and her hot friends  be the bartenders to your Superbowl party.  This is slightly impossible to pull off . But another example you make your girlfriend pay for your superbowl box and keep track of your side fantasy team because you're A squad is sooooo fucking good.

16.  You quite the room when you hear  Cats in the Cradle , American Pie, and Bohemian Rapacity. So that you and your boys can sing along  softly then loudly then softly, then bang your head that the right time and then softly again as you put your arms around each other shoulder as you finish the song with Lets from a band bro.

17.  Growing Keith Hernandez style mustaches has been a goal of your since 2006.

18.  For the first 5 seasons you and your boys try to figure out what entourage character they are. You happen to be Turtle because you drove to that spot once with sneakers . Remember  that bro?

19.  Fantasy Sports are cooler then Dungeons and Dragons so shut the Fuck up Becky. - Who's Becky?

20.  You think the Hooters waitress is hitting on you and thinks your good looking. This is the downfall of so many bros. Chipper Jones is the main example. Trust me dudes they are working for tips. Like Strippers and Notaries  they just want you to pay them a little extra.

Bonus- 21. Because Paul O'neil doesn't give a shit about  what you think He just does his own thing and is a straight up Warrior 

* There will be more to come later I spaced out for a minute
  Now if any of our female reader...s fall under any of these categories. Whats up, you single? Hit me up we can watch NFL Films on the 07 superbowl and eat pulled pork nachos and drink Coors light.