So for months and months I have been arguing with M.D about the fact that he is a bro and he totally disagrees. Maybe thats why he hasn't posted up in a while. But nonetheless since the debate started I have been thinking about how it would make a great post. But with work and 10 cent wings getting in the way it got thrown to the back burner for a while and what made me think of writing it was there was this story of this high school football game. The winning teams fans had this giant sign that said " You mad Bro" which is funny but the fact that the big press picked it up and some idiot called it racist. I have to find the article. It's a laugh riot bro.
Now I have no clue if Bribable or Barstool or any other bro run blog did a similar list and if it seems like I am ripping them off I am not I just haven't scoured the internet to see if they did it . Sorry Bro I don't have the time.
the 20 things that make you a Bro
1. You're greeting to someone you know or don't man or woman is either : Yo Bro whats up , Yo dude/man how've you been ? Even when your boss calls you by your last name you respond " Whats up bro". Also you have different variations of the word Bro.
2. You have work out and hang out pairs of basketball shorts and hats. Plus you own or want to own a mustache shirt.
3. You wear a fitted or a jersey/sheerest of an out of market team who you are not a fan of out to a bar so you can say your from out of town.
4. You say the words Hot Fire and you have trouble with how to use it in context . Proper way "This dude spits hot fire" " My sandwich is such hot fire," improper way " My zipper caught my nuts on the way up and it feels like hot fire " " I passed my test like hot fire". This factoid is not hot fire. Also you say Mad, Ill, homie without any Irony
5. The first channel you turn on your flat screen t.v is Espn, Mlb Network, Versus, Nfl network or Comedy central.
6. You still think Billy Madison and Happy Madison are extremely funny after the 7th grade.
7. You wear those neon colored party favor sunglasses as your sunglasses. Side note You own a par of Oakley's or Fokley's.
8. You and your closest friend have had a long and heartfelt talk about competing in the World series of beer pong.
9. You Shut down your personal life for opening day, the all star game and The post season. Football Baseball Hockey or Basketball. And you think the Olympics are fucking lame.
10. You secretly or overtly watch Glee. If you secretly watch you say that show is stupid and is gay but your favorite character is Puck because he reminds you of how bad ass you were in high school. When you overtly watch it you make no bones about it. You know the exact episode you started liking it. Think I am kidding ask your bros.
11. You lose your shit at the bar when they play Safety Dance, Juicy, Two Princes, and the Hulk Hogan theme song dance remix comes on .
12. You wear your softball jersey out to non softball related functions. Also if you and your buddy both wear your Softball jersey to a Dropkick Murphys concert you tell the hot bartender that one of you is from Ireland and you try to get her digits.
13. You try to relate to the Dos equies commercials but fail miserably. Then you try drinking dos equies and fail miserably
14. You call in sick to work to go to your teams Championship parade and then moon the camera while wearing your personalized jersey. Then you chug a forty of Bud light like your some sort of champ yourself.
15. You make your girlfriend and her hot friends be the bartenders to your Superbowl party. This is slightly impossible to pull off . But another example you make your girlfriend pay for your superbowl box and keep track of your side fantasy team because you're A squad is sooooo fucking good.
16. You quite the room when you hear Cats in the Cradle , American Pie, and Bohemian Rapacity. So that you and your boys can sing along softly then loudly then softly, then bang your head that the right time and then softly again as you put your arms around each other shoulder as you finish the song with Lets from a band bro.
17. Growing Keith Hernandez style mustaches has been a goal of your since 2006.
18. For the first 5 seasons you and your boys try to figure out what entourage character they are. You happen to be Turtle because you drove to that spot once with sneakers . Remember that bro?
19. Fantasy Sports are cooler then Dungeons and Dragons so shut the Fuck up Becky. - Who's Becky?
20. You think the Hooters waitress is hitting on you and thinks your good looking. This is the downfall of so many bros. Chipper Jones is the main example. Trust me dudes they are working for tips. Like Strippers and Notaries they just want you to pay them a little extra.
Bonus- 21. Because Paul O'neil doesn't give a shit about what you think He just does his own thing and is a straight up Warrior
* There will be more to come later I spaced out for a minute
Now if any of our female reader...s fall under any of these categories. Whats up, you single? Hit me up we can watch NFL Films on the 07 superbowl and eat pulled pork nachos and drink Coors light.