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Tuesday, September 20, 2011

The Phantom Spotlight is a real thing ... Trust me I thought about becoming a doctor

  As the season draws to a close we take a quick look back at the great things that have happened by the one thing that can only be described as unbelievable. Thats right I am talking about the Phantom spotlight, the mythical thing that I made up a few months ago to take credit for all the success of the teams we mentioned. Whats that? Good Idea,  no friend great idea ! So know I am gonna give  a summary of all those who have graced with the warm glowing light of the spotlight...

     To the Detroit Tigers: Your welcome because when you were down I promptly kicked you in to balls and M.D insulted your last names and you took that and ran with it and haven't lost since apparently so If you do win it all I expect an invitation to the parade. I only fly first class.  To the Al central I am soo  sorry bro I didn't think this was going to happen. Sorry Mauer looks like you wont be on Mlb the show 2012. 

     To the Arizona D-backs-After M.D called you the least relievant after you got your balls handed to you by the Mets you stepped your game up and show those dirty hipsters that the desert dwellers are pressing replay on the ten year anniversary of the 2001 championship season. With Ian Kennedy and those other guys who I still can't name  under the guidance of the most  reluctant of post seasons of heros.  It was game one and he didn't play the rest of the series so shut up about it all ready.

   To the Boston Red Sox- After  starting the season 0-10 and having no luck with you high priced free agents from both 2010 and 2011. Your turned it on like I totally said you would. You guys were lucky enough to get the second bit of light from us.  After the fact I said you'd take 2 of 3 against the Yankees with Dustin Pedrioa  going deep you took off  until basically the end of august.  I guess my visit up there was the last time  you guys actually took a series I apologize.

    To the Pittsburg Pirates- Bro  what happened I thought we had a deal. After M.D gave you the third ever post saying that you were going to be special. You kind of were, with blow up right out the gate. You were the first to get the spotlight and by God you ran with it. Its sad you couldn't hold on to the end , which the trade fro Ludwick  and Lee pretty much killed your season. Don't break whats not broken. Bust of luck on the links guys.

    To Rodger Clemens- So  I guess having mountains of evidence on you still you walked away with your steroid shrunken testicles intact. Douche. Sorry America this ones on me...

    To the Milwaukee Brewers- I know I just burned your door down last week but you did catch the spotlight back in April so this amazing run your on is due to us not that idiot that plays center field because Carlos Gomez broke is collar bone doing some outfield acrobatics. So unlike Detriot instead of giving us our own float during the Parade just give us Packers tickets.
    To Doira Baird - I was reading Yahoo  sports today because they have turned into a blog site now and they had this story how Rob Ryan ( the quite one) had on his play call sheet a picture of her. So obviously he reads or he is a fan of  movies. But with her knock out looks she might be the key to the cowboys success and is no way  Tony Romo's. I am still waiting for my thank you  ...Stupid Twitter

      To Minka Kelly - After I defended that dick bag Derek Jeter after his desicion to sip the All star game this year and go on vacation to complain about his hamstring as you look super hot. You dumped his same cut since 1996 ass in the lurch. Way to go. I kidding of course you didn't break up with Jeter because he hasn't given up on the past because of my amazing writing skills. Its because I am on the road to health. Yeah thats write I am gonna try to drop at least 70 lbs this winter and spring so I can crush it at the clubs in the summer.

   So there are some of the examples of teams we have shined a light on and they have shied with victories and blah blah blah. With every great thing we have done and said and we have done and said some pretty great things. There is also some bad effects of the spotlight.

     Ike Davis- Sorry bro. I didn't mean for this to happen man. I  really thought you would of just been fine crushing homers like a boss maybe helping the Mets fight it out for  the wild card. But Saidly you broke your leg thanks to David Wright and my post saying you look a lot like a young Bruce Springsteen. Sorry man.

   Kila Ka'aihue- So I said you were going to hit 30 homers this year for the up start Royals... Yeah that didn't really happen. This one I am going to blame on Justin Verlander owning your ass.

  That brings me to the Kanas City Royals-So I was all about you guys this year even got my self a Royals fitted. But you continue to finish in last place.... Moostakis  , Hosmer and Melky Cabrera ? Are the keys to your future?

   Buck "Stop Fucking me in the butt Derek Jeter"-Dude  I thought you were the one. I thought you would be the manager that would make the Baltimore Orioles a good team finally making the town that tries so hard to be southern New Jersey actually be Southern Virginia .  But no sadly you failed harder then this poor bastard... Yeah I was think ing of a joke but I save good joke for teams that actually win games.

    Grammar- Oh man you have taken it so hard these past 6 months. I am sorry Its been a while since I paid attention english class.

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