It's almost Christmas time Phuckers and do you know what that means? Well, no you wouldn't because this is the first Christmas that the Phantom is around for so if you knew you might be a mind reader and you should probably get a toll free number and get that paper up kid. But yes it's our first christmas as "bloggers " and I would like to hopefully start a tradition that will last for as long as this blog does... so maybe about until next year. Kidding , really who knows. I would like to give out gifts to those athletes , news grabbers, and really anyone who captured the spirit of the Phantom because like me this site is super awesome and cool . My ego is limitless and my love of lists is just as vast. Lets get this shit done so I can sleep good tonight and start my Christmas tradition of watching Ghostbusters and Die Hard followed by 40 chicken Mcnuggets and a 12er of bud heavy.
Best athletes of 2011
Baseball - Prince Fielder : the big boy is a trooper. Not only is he being incredibly smart about his free agency by not setting the market , crushing 38 home runs with 120 rbis and tying a career high batting average with .299, and playing all 162 games and 11 games in the playoffs. Prince did it in a big way. He went out everyday and played to an MVP level. Prince was in the hunt along with teammate and good buddy Ryan Braun ( I'll get to him later). Another reason why I feel that Prince embodies the spirit of the Phantom is because he is a fat guy defying everyone else. Since the start of his pro career all the pros have said that he isn't built to last, that his weight will be his downfall, he couldn't compete with Albert and other top tier 1st basemen, he couldn't hit lefties , blah blah blah. But Kaboom the dude shut all those bastards up real fast when he almost killed Gileramo Mota .... Ok that wasn't this year or last year but he almost did. And thats why he is the Phantom Player of the year and if we had t-shirts or really any sort of gift to give he would get one. 4xl mofo !
Football - Calvin "MegaTron" Johnson Jr Since football is still going on and it's so close to being over there has been one performer that has so good and so durty that he has come through big for his team. No not Tim Tebow , not Aaron Rodgers, not Tom Brady, not Eli Manning no none of those guys. The dude who is the best player in football is my dude MegaTron Calvin Johnson Jr of the Detroit Lions. Yes, the wide out who is making secondaries look like they wouldn't have been scouted by a division 4 team. MegaTron make Larry Fitzgerald wish he didn't sign that 6 year contact. Yeah Clavin is probably the coolest guy named Calvin.
Soccer - Hope Solo, after last nights post I think we all know where I stand with Hope Solo. But apparently she is good at soccer which was a huge surprise to me because I didn't know anyone past the age of 17 played soccer . Really just outright shocked about that but good for those people who still play soccer. I am kidding Hope Solo helped carry the U.S women's national soccer team to the World Cup finals but unfortunately they lost but still anytime the U.S.A is competitive in Soccer should be celebrated. So in closing I would like to say . Hey Hope Solo what's good ?
Douche Bags of the year - Take a guess what this one is about .
Penn St. - The whole college not just individuals. This is the biggest win for Penn State this year. Forget what ever record they had over the football season the Nitty Lions have just been a huge disgrace to the world as a whole so I hope they hold on to this like a plush toy. Jerry Sandusky being a monster and molesting a numerous amount of children, Mike McQueary trying to save his ass and make him self look like less of a coward during the trail , Joe Paterno doing the absolute least to stop Sandusky's candy grab , the big wig suits at the college doing even less and finally the students of a once respected school making themselves look like a bunch of idiots by rioting in the streets because Paterno got axed before the last game of the season. So congratulations guys you make me hate the fact we are the same species . Just for that I am not giving you a photo so take that.
Boston Red Sox - Sorry Dustin your cool but your franchise on the other hand is not. See the Red Sox showed their true colors once they made Yankees fans forget about the Mets collapse ( Theirs was worse people). See here you had a team who over paid for players with limited playoff experience see all the Red Sox organization thought when they went out in late 2010 and early 2011 and saw guys that had good enough numbers but they didn't have that extra something that makes good players great...A back bone. So they dealt with a 0-10 start while the Yankees ,Orioles , Blue Jays and Rays all started better then 0-10 with "lesser" talent. Just as they started they finished just as cold losing what seemed like every game in the most important month of September. And that is just the beginning . You see the public found out that those idiots in 2004 turned out to be complete assholes in 2011. Like I have said before I am cool with Rally Beers in the club house frankly thats how the Hooligans do it. But calling out your manager when you gave up big runs, not having your head in the game , and well being a tool bag out of the bull pen doesn't sit well. But as the Red Sox limped away n to the offseason to take stock of what they have done . Manager Terry Francona was let go just as the playoffs where about to start. See Tito asked the Red Sox to let him go from his contract because he failed to make the playoff for the second or third year in a row with a team that was ravaged by injuries and terrible trades. Which was a stand up move by Tito but the Red Sox launched a smear campaign saying that he was distracted by the end of the season because of a pill addiction? Which Francona has denied and has decided to take a year off managing to hold down the booth on Espn Sunday Night baseball? Good job Red Sox , This is why the Yankees own your asses.
Ryan Braun - The National League M.V.P ish. Braun might retain the MVP by the end of his 50 game suspension but he will reign supreme as Douche bag of the year. Yes, Ryan Braun the 2nd most beloved athlete in the greater Milwaukee area to date due to his home runs hustle and loyality to the franchise. But during the Playoffs he faild a drug test by coming up positive for synthetic testosterone. I guess Beast mode is store bought. I know he has had the support of the team and the community but thats ridiculous man. There were other players who took steroids and have been made to look like a villain but he gets the benefit of the doubt because why ? He signed a 5 year deal with a low market team or what . Look Rafael Palmero was a top tier guy and he was run out of the league, Mark McGwire will never get into the hall of fame, and Manny Ramirez reputation as one of the games best right handed hitter has been ruined because of his bitch tits. But Ryan Braun gets the benefit of the doubt . I don't get it .
Biggest surprises of the Year
Baseball - Curtis Granderson. The Grandy man blew up this year. After a relatively disappointing first year with the New York Yankees only hitting .247 with 24 home runs with 67 rbis with 12 stolen bases. But in 2011 .262 with 41 home runs 119 rbis with 25 stolen bases. Granderson by all rights should have won the A.L. MVP but they gave it to Justin Verlander because he won over 20 games or something come on. Grandy carried the Yankees when Tex, A-Rod, Cano , and Jeter were slumping. But since the MLB refuse to show Grandy some love I will. Curtis if you ever read this while searching for Paul O'niel photos on Google . You're the man buddy. Good Luck next season.
Football - Jason Pierre Paul - If anyone here follows me on twitter which is highly doubtful and you should. Every sunday since I would guess week 10 I have been blowing up about JPP. Some of my tweets just say JPP is a beast. I know it looks like I am sticking around with New York guys. With 76 tackles and 14.0 sacks JPP has come out and run shoppe on offensive linemen. This guy is going to the Pro Bowl even though his team might not be going to the playoffs. JPP and Eli have basically been the only two Giants keeping the dream alive. This week Mark Sanchez is going meet JPP in regular reason and JPP is mad .
Video Games - Arkham City - Yeah this one is a gimmie . I know everyone knew this game was gonna be straight out fire, but really this was off the chain. It was called the best adaptation of Batman in all media forms. That means comics and Movies. Thats pretty impressive since it's a 60 year old comic and Batman movies have been the biggest box office draws. If you played you know about that fire so I will stop here but you can grapple on to helicopters.
Pop Culture - Kate Upton - It took me almost 24 hours to come up with this selection and I am totally cool with the outcome. You see at the start of 2011 I had no clue who the hell she was but after a few months she just blew up big time. I know I totally could have picked someone who was more influential but she played in the celebrity all star game softball game which is for charity and she looks like this so really who can blame me. There are some rumbling about her dating Mark Sanchez so that really effected her stock. But we all make mistakes, But Kate Upton Locked it down this year and never let go. Good for her and good for all of us.
Biggest Disappointments of the Year
Baseball - Adam Dunn - The Big Donkey's first year in the A.L was going to be his finest. Yes, the slugger who was known to be one of the N.L's best home run hitters so when he signed up with the Chicago White Sox to be in a line up with guys like Paul Kenerko , Carlos Quentin , Alexi Ramirez and Gordon Beckham who was going to bounce back after a sophomore slump. You'd think the White Sox would be slugging like the best of them. See in 2010 Adam Dunn had his walk year with the Nationals and belted 38 big flies 103 rbis and a career high 36 doubles so when he walked into the free agent market he was one of the prime power guys. So he signed a pact with the White sox and moved up 5 rounds in fantasy baseball so really it was going to be Dunn's year to shine , Finally out of Pujols , Prince and Votto's shadow as a power hitting first basemen. So what happened? Dunn locked down a .159 batting average 11 home runs and 42 rbis a career low 66 hits and 75 walks but his second highest total of 177 strike outs. This was Dunn's worst year ever even if you look at his rookie campaign in 2001 he hit .262 with 19 home runs 43 rbis with 64 hits. Dunn is looking to rebound in his second year in the AL
Football - Chad Ochocinco - Who'd guess that he would be called the biggest football disappointment this year? Anyone, anyone ? Yeah I figured as much, Ocho was a pro bowl caliber wide out for the Cincinnati Bengals and when the Bengals traded him to the Pats for an undisclosed draft pick everyone including myself thought that this would be the shot in the ass Chad's career needed. It was no surprise he wasn't happy in Cincy and who can blame them years of missing the playoffs or not even being competitive in the playoffs. So now Chad is in a good system with a coach that is made to look like a fool in front of his team and a philosophy of winning just what he needed. But only starting in 13 games without injury chad has hauled in 14 receptions for 261 yards and only one touchdown. The season is not over and who knows how he will perform in the playoffs but for the regular season Chad has not been as good as advertised. Child please.
Football . 2 - The Colts - As I was writing about Ochocinco I realized that there was another huge disappointment in football this year. The 1-13 Colts . I guess it was about year ago today when everyone in the world was saying that the Colts have a shot at returning to the Super Bowl. So what happened ? Did they put in a new system that no one understands, did they fire their head coach , did every one of their star players get hurt and did their owner get involved with a ponzi scheme ? I am just trying to figure out how the Colts went from the Yankees to the Mets in a hot second. The Colts still had all of their stars ready to go except for 1 guy. Peyton Manning apparently holds the key to the Colts success. Look I know Peyton Manning might be one of the most fundamentally sound quarter backs in the history of the NFL. But how do you have a playoffs team go bust just because one guy isn't there. How does a sound program crumble that fast and now Reggie Wayne, Jeff Saturday and Peyton Manning are on the hot seat when really it should be the coach because thats his fault? I have seen teams win with less and for them to go 1-13 is terrible.
Bonus - Hyundai Commercials - Have you seen these travesties ? They are awful. Stupid white guy trying to rap with his lame ass friends driving through a shopping mall parking lot . Come on bro get some dancing hamsters because Kia is smoking your ass right now.
Bro of the Year 2011 - The last award... The Fire Flames award
Baseball - Robinson Cano - Hate if you want but Robbie Cano is a Bro. He pretty much locked this award down at the home run derby when he won the whole event by hitting bombs off his dad. What do you know Robbie Cano had a quite MVP type season. The only reason why he is a bro is because he is mad smooth. He caught guff earlier in his big league career for being lazy but he isn't lazy he is just so good. He makes playing second base look as simple as reading pop up books. He covers a ton of ground and make Derek Jeter still look like a good major leaguer , which is the toughest task known to man. When he hits the dude has one of the top 3 sweetest swings in the majors. Way to Go Robbie Cano .
Football - Rob Gronkowski - The Patriots tight end has set the world on fire this year. He has shattered the NFL record for tight end touch downs and has left huge craters in the opposing teams end zone with his mega spikes. Gronk nation has gained followers over the football season due to his brash behavior and pension for tweeting and nailing hot chicks. Yeah so hands down Bro of the Year 2011 I and I have a funny feeling he might be the Bro of the year of 2012.
Lady Bro of the Year
Mila Kunis - Who knew Jackie Burkhart threw out that much heat? Not me, I was kinda down with Donna Pinciotti . But yeah Mila set the silver screen on Fire this past year. With that movie, and that other one she did with that guy and people and well I haven't seen her movies because I have had shit going on , Sorry . But yeah she did some photo shoots and what. And she puts reporters on blast when they make fun of Timberlake in Russian. So she gets the Lady Bro of the year. Sorry T-Swift and Minka Kelly maybe next year.