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Wednesday, December 14, 2011

This is totally Rick Reilly's Fault

  Dude I just finished watching the Rick Reilly NFL special on Espn , rough man. It was a roller coaster of emotions. So it got me thinking of how much an uncharitable scum bag that I am. It got me thinking " Wow, you know I can spread good cheer and reach out to people due to this blog. Because people do read this or so I think. But I have a platform and If I can reach like 3 people to do good or help out then they can get 3 more people and so on and so forth like that movie like Seven or was it Pay it forward. Look it has Kevin Spacey and some blonde chick. " so with all of these ideas running through my head and then I got hungry... Yeah I have a short attention span. Who wants to do good when you can stuff your face. So here is a top 7 list of things I would like to make, buy or stuff my own face with.... Yes, its another top ten about food. Happy Holidays Phuckers .

7. Deep Fried triple decker Grilled Cheese - So I don't know if this is a real thing but it is I am going to get it lickity  spilt homie . So this is how I see it working out, I get 3 different kinds of cheese ( American , Munster and a mild cheddar ) and 1 type of bread ( toss up between White and Potato no rye or whole wheat in this monster).  So I'll put 4 slices of each kind of each on their own individual sandwich  so 1 american, 1 Munster, and  one cheddar. Then I would  obviously set up the deep fry oil and a corn meal / bacon batter. So I would dip each sandwich in the batter then take on of those big wooden sticks that you make kabobs with. Then you drop the big boy in it and let it fry on up for a little bit get it nice and crispy and heart clogging. Now comes the hardest part coming up with a name for this abomination because calling it a Deep Fried triple decker Grilled cheese. Hmm what should I call it ? What about   the Bubba Frank? A cheese based item named after a former Green Bay Packer Tight end legend, clever and possibly tasty. This could be the most poorly written paragraph on this site of all time.

6.  Lobster Chile - OK I know it sounds kinda gross but this idea has been kicking around my brain for about 2 months now. In october I was craving sea food which is weird because normally me and sea food only get along like Tom Brady and  assistant coaches... Haha  topical. But yeah so I was at work just doing work and stuff like that and then boom " Yo I want to eat some lobster chile. " and from then on it has been a long unfruitful venture and the more and more I think about it the better it sounds.  So it will be maybe 2 pounds of chop meat with all the Chile fix-ins you can think of and at the end just through in some lobster meat that has been soaking in butter sauce for about 3 and a half hours and then grill it up . Look I don't grantee this will be a good mix of food. Frankly I think it could be a huge disaster but I am intrieged   by it. Though Butter sauce sitting some where for over three hours might just turn to butter so this might be a logistic nightmare. But I am willing to take the challenge for you guys because that the kind of guy I am.

5.  Buffalo Wings - Yeah so I'm no jerk. I am a fan of the staples of tail gating . Get a few of these bad boys  in the mix I am there . But wether its mild, spicy or whatever wings is where its at bro beans.  But there seems to be this grown trend and a spike in the popularity of boneless wings. What the hell is that , its spicy shitty chicken nuggets. I can't even look at them let alone eat more then 3 of them. I am fat, you should know that by now. But really if you want to be a champ of wings you have to have the bones in them. Thats how I roll.

4. Sliders - So I always thought that sliders where just from White Castle . But to my shock they're all over the place and not just mini hamburgers. There are like chicken ones, pulled pork ones and others its like a skittles rainbows of mini burgers that taste so good. I am all about the mini burgers not because I like to feel like a giant  who broke in to a tiny kitchen and made  burgers but because you get a few of them so you can enjoy multiple burgers with out feeling like a fat jerk.

3. Mega Chile Cheese Hot Dogs - This is a hall of fame pick right here. This is possibly the Tim Tebow of food picks.  You  heard how good it was in college and when you see it at first compared to other picks like  mozzarella sticks , cheese burgers, and chicken wings you start to doubt the play of the Mega Chile cheese Hot dog. So you back away from it and go with something that is kind of disappointing for awhile and then you just give in to the pressure and go for it and it pays off big time.  You take  your standard hot dog bun line the bottom up with some cheese (shredded or and toast it up real good so that it can handle the weight. Then you take a hot dog (grill , fry, boil ) give it a little bath in some hot sauce after your done cooking it.  After you place the hot dog on the bun put cheese on the sides of the bun kind of hugging the hot dog. Then you glob on the Chile on top of the hot dog and sprinkle some cheese and bacon bits if you have them and pray to the lord all mighty.

2. Pulled Pork Pockets - This is another one of my custom ideas that might blow your mind / colon.  So as you slow cook your pulled pork for 6-12 hours you can do some damage else where. You put the pork that will be pulled in a crock pot at like  8 am, play a little football, get some lunch, drink a few beers and by the night game you are almost ready to go hard. then you pre-heat the oven to the right heat so 350 I'd estimate and then you get the  cookie sheet ready with some aluminum foil  then get  Grands biscuits or pie dough or what ever empanada are made of .But  you gotta break an egg and  mix it up so you have something to bind the pocket together after you open them up to put the pulled pork inside. Boom you put them in the pockets and let it heat up for 13-15 minutes. You might want to keep a close eye on them to make sure the pork doesn't dry out.

1.  Fat steak Sandwich - Do you know what a Fat sandwich is ? Its like Chicken fingers, motz  sticks, french fries  or other shit  on a hero . So what I do is  I marinate a  tenderized steak with Ken's Honey teriyaki  marinated for a day and a half  to let it all seep in oh so nice. Then I get  well pretty much the same shit like motz  sticks and french fries. But I get those fancy french rolls that cost like $4. So I take the rolls and make them in to little individual garlic bread rolls.  So with the Steak all grilled up and so it melts like butter in your mouth... I like steak especially when I make it because its one of the 4 things I do really good. So a  nicely made steak , some motz sticks, these fires form Ore-Ida seasoned with some Chile powder and salt to get some kick in there. Maybe a little lettuce to make it healthy. Maybe make more fries with some gravy for your side dish I don't know I am getting hungry just writing about it.

 Do you want dessert ?  Thats not my strongest suit.  By the way if you happen to make any of these concoctions please send photos to the Email ( So I can put the photos up here or  on the Facebook page which is located right above to the right or left depending on how you are reading this. Just consult your doctor before dining.  By the way I started writing this last night at midnight got tired and fell asleep almost crying (Fucking Rick Reilly you bastard) So there  might be a strange flow through out the whole post but its about food.

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