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Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Can You name the Four Teams in the NBA that names do not end in S ?

                       

   So I have been hyped about the return of basketball this year but I haven't really gotten into it yet. Well, its because I have been up in my attic trying to locate my  92 Dream Team Jerseys. I had a whole bunch of them Jordan 9.Bird 7,Johnson 15,Stockton 12 ,Malone 11, Mullin 13, Pippen 8 , Ewing 6 , Barkley 14, and Robinson 5. Me and my brother the Big Q who wasn't the Big Q back then he was the little J. So I am gonna do some quick hits on some of the NBA past 3 games.

    Poor Kobe man. First he gets a pretty sweet deal to play over in Italy I think with Derrick Rose and a few other all stars then the NBA lock out ends  and real training camp starts and he hurts his wrist before the pre season, then his wife dumps his ass after 10 1/2 years because she claims he is unfaithful... Really Kobe Bryant is unfaithful, if Kobe Bryant can't stay faithful to his wife what hope do us normal humans have at staying faithful, and finally the Lakers lost a heart breaker to the Bulls and maybe the love of the Los Angeles fan base. The Lakers are right now 1-2 and are looking really old. But All I know is I want a Metta  World Peace Jersey... If you can get your hands on one send me and  Email at PhantomBallplayer@yahoo.com.

  The Los Angeles Clippers I don't know if you have heard  acquired some guy by the name of Chris Paul and apparently he is pretty good or something. He made a couple of all star games and junk. But thats not the biggest kicker for the Clippers who might have a nickname coming down the pike. The Clippers look good bro. They won their opener against the Warriors by 21. Paul, Blake Griffin and Chauncey Billups  had over 20 points.   So with one game down the Clippers are heading back to the playoffs and there is nothing you can do to stop them.  Except play out the rest of the 65 games without injury and trades or anything to that extent.


   The Knicks beat the Celtics for their Christmas Day matchup. Even though Kevin Garnett missed a clutch jumper to give the Celts the last second lead and the win and he showed that the Celts are just as old as the Lakers and the Knicks are a tough group of players going into their prime and ready to set this city on fire. Yes, Kevin Garnett showed the world that he sucks.  He starts a fights with Bill Walker by grabbing his neck. Then Baron Davis steeped in and shut KG up.  Not by hitting him with a fist but by showing him that his beard is nothing to be trifled with. This season is going to be great. GO NEW YORK GO NEW YORK GO.... That always reminded my of Ninja Rap.

 
   Surprising to me and probably a bunch of other people who watch basketball.  Besides the Celtics, Lakers, and Timber wolves (I needed a 3rd team) the most surprising team to come out to a 2 loss start in the first 3 games of the season is.... The Champion Dallas Mavericks! Sorry for the exclamation point there  but the little green lines wouldn't go away without it.  Yeah so the Champs are down a two spot. With an opening day beat down by the Jawun  Howard Eddie Curry and Mike Miller helmed Miami heat. What isn't that the big 3 down in Miami ?  With the followed up 22 point loss to the Denver Nuggets. The Mavs  have a tough test on taking on the Durancula and the Thunder on thursday.  Hopefully they can start winning or else all of that championship hype might just be hype.

   Yeah so thats pretty much it. I am waiting on the Knicks Warriors game tonight and there is some big baseball news coming up. I feel like something huge is going to happen in the baseball world. But there is a sliver lining is.... More photos of cheerleaders. That is possibly the best thing about basketball , also the fact I can start wear my Starter gear again. Good times ahead. Oh yeah the four teams without S's are the  Heat, Magic, Thunder and Jazz . Use that question at a bar to get a free round or a phone number. It works , the success rate is about 65%.

                                  

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Drew Brees is a classy guy and this is a classy post. So read it jerk





   By the time this is going to be viewed by the loyal masses of Phantom Ballplayer readers Drew Brees would have broken the all time NFL passing record. This season has been a magical on for Mr. Brees only Brady and Rodgers have come close to him this year in passing yards but no one has passed him.  Yeah the Brees has had only so far 3 out of 14 games under 300 yards passing and has never had a Qb rating under 64.1% which is good  I guess. If you don't believe me I am going to list them for you because A. you're a dick and don't believe me  and b. I like lists.

Drew Brees 2011 Season

1. Green Bay Packers - Loss 42-34 - 32 of 49  for 419 yards and 3 tds  longest pass 36 yards
2. Chicago Bears - Win  30-13 - 26 of 37 for 270 yards 3 tds  longest  pass 79 yards
3. Houston Texans - Win 40 -33  - 31 of 44 for 370 yards 3 tds  longest pass 44 yards
4. Jacksonville Jaguars - Win 23-10 - 31 of 44 for 351 yards 1 td longest pass 59 yards
5. Carolina Panthers - Win 30 - 27  - 32 of 45 for 359 yards 2 tds longest pass 30 yards
6. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Loss  26-20 -  29 of 45  for 383 1 td longest pass 43 yards
7. Indy  Colts - Win 62-7 - 31 of 35 for 325 5 tds  longest pass 57 yards
8. St. Louis Rams - Loss 31-21 - 30 of 44 for 269 1 td longest pass 25 yards
9. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Win 27-16 - 27 of 36 for 258 2 tds longest pass 23 yards
10. Atlanta Falcons - Win 26-23 - 30 of 43  for 322 2 tds  longest pass 36 yards
11. New York Giants - Win 49 24 - 24 of 38 for 363 4 tds longest pass 50 yards
12. Detroit Lions - Win 31-17 - 26 of 36 for 342 yards 3 tds   longest pass 67 yards
13. Tennessee Titans - Win 22-17 - 36 of 47 for 337 yards 2 tds longest pass 25 yards
14. Minnesota Vikings - Win 42-20 32 of 40 for 412 yards 5 tds longest pass 47 yards

  With the monday night game still going on as I type and Brees is only 31 yards away from breaking the record you look at these numbers and just wonder " how the hell can any defensive coordinator still have a job at the end of these games" and also what could have happened if Brees didn't sign up with the Saints back in 2006.

  Before Brees was the apple of every color commentators eye he was almost considered a bust out in San Diego. If you think I am wrong tell me why would they draft a Quarter back in  2004 ? Well, they  traded a Quarter Back  to the Giants and they got a future TLC show in Phillip Rivers. But back to my point. Drew Brees  was growing into the Quarter back we see today with a very young and talented group out in Whales Vagina but since they could never get over the hump he took a lot of the guff that came their way.  So when he became a free agent after  hurting his shoulder pretty bad in a playoff game his days in Sandy ahgo were done. But three teams wanted Brees. The Jets were thinking about him but the injury turned them off so it was down to the Dolphins and the Saints. The Chargers I guess didn't think Brees would turn out to be this good


   The Miami Dolphins have been suffering since Dan Marino retired to find that franchise Quarterback . Apparently Jay Fielder, Brian Griese, Dante Culepepper , Trent Green, Chad Pentenington ,and Chad Henne couldn't hack it.  So they were neck and neck with the Saints to grab up Brees.  But The Saints shelled out more money and  promised Brees total control. Which is every Qb's dream?  But what if Brees signed up with the Phins?  With Ricky Williams in place and Nick Saban stopping by they could have given Brady a run for their money twice a year.

   Like I said before probably by the time I finished this post Brees would break the record. Well, like many things I have said before I am right. Drew Connected for a 9 yard  touchdown pass to Darren Spirals. Congratulations on such an amazing feet I know you will be reading this while you search through google images of Paul O'neil.  It has to be awesome to break a record infornt of a crowd that worships the ground you walk on. New Orleans is gonna have a huge blow out tonight ,Drew Brees is gonna get so laid tonight... By his wife. Congrats again and good luck in the Playoffs.


                           

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Merry Christmas Jets Fans... You dumb bastards




 MEERRRRYYYY  CHRISTMAS PHUCKERS !!! ! I am Going to keep this really short. Jets Suck, Mark Sanchez is a terrible Quarterback , Eli Manning is the 4th best quarter back in the NFL, The Cowboys are disappointing and The Eagles straight up own their ass this year , Rex Ryan is a bitch who can't control his team or manage the clock, Tom Coughlin  is tougher then Stallone , Jason Pierre Paul can't be stopped by normal humans and The AFC west will always be the worst division in football.  Thats it If your upset about the length (nickel for every time I heard that ) just imagine all those topics with about 5 bro's , 25 different ways to say douche bag, 45 run on sentences , 60 jokes that fall flat and a closing statement that makes no sense. Mix those all together and thats pretty much a regular football post. So good night, Merry Christmas Happy Hanukkah Happy Kwanza and whatever else is out there I am gonna get ripped tonight on Rice Krispy treats, Coors Light, and pie.
                                               

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

The Greatest Gift of all... A Phantom Award. Its great because its free and not really real yet.




 
     It's almost  Christmas time Phuckers  and do you know what that means? Well, no you wouldn't because this is the first Christmas that the Phantom is around for  so if you knew you might be a mind reader and you should probably get a toll free number and get that paper up kid.  But yes it's our first christmas as "bloggers "  and I would like to hopefully start a tradition that will last for as long as this blog does... so maybe about until next year. Kidding , really who knows. I would like to give out gifts to those athletes , news grabbers, and really anyone who captured the spirit of the Phantom because like me  this site is super awesome and cool .  My ego is limitless and my love of lists is just as vast. Lets get this shit done so I can sleep good tonight and start my Christmas tradition of watching Ghostbusters and Die Hard followed by  40 chicken Mcnuggets  and a 12er  of bud heavy.

 Best athletes of 2011

 Baseball -  Prince Fielder : the big boy is a trooper. Not only is he being incredibly smart about his free agency by not setting the market ,  crushing  38 home runs with 120 rbis and tying a career  high batting average with .299, and  playing all 162 games and 11 games in the playoffs.  Prince did it in a big way. He went out everyday and played to an MVP level. Prince was in the hunt along with teammate and good buddy Ryan Braun ( I'll get to him later).  Another reason why I feel that Prince embodies the spirit of the Phantom is because he is a fat guy defying everyone else. Since the start of his pro career all the pros have said that he isn't built to last, that his weight will be his downfall, he couldn't compete with Albert and other top tier 1st basemen, he couldn't hit lefties , blah blah blah. But Kaboom the dude shut all those bastards up real fast when he almost killed Gileramo Mota .... Ok that wasn't this year or last year but he almost did. And thats why he is the Phantom Player of the year and if we had t-shirts or really any sort of gift to give  he would get one.  4xl mofo !

  Football - Calvin "MegaTron" Johnson Jr Since football is still going on and it's so close to being over there has been one performer that has so good and so durty  that he has come through big for his team. No not Tim Tebow  , not Aaron Rodgers, not  Tom Brady, not Eli Manning no none of those guys. The dude who is the best player in football is my dude MegaTron  Calvin Johnson Jr of the Detroit Lions. Yes, the wide out who is making secondaries look like they wouldn't have been scouted by a division 4 team. MegaTron   make Larry Fitzgerald  wish he didn't sign that 6 year contact. Yeah Clavin is probably the coolest guy named Calvin.

  Soccer - Hope Solo, after last nights post I think we all know where I stand with Hope Solo. But apparently she is good at soccer which was a huge surprise to me because I didn't know anyone past the age of 17 played soccer . Really just outright shocked about that but good for those people who still play soccer. I am kidding Hope Solo helped carry the U.S women's national soccer team to the World Cup finals but unfortunately they lost but still anytime the U.S.A is competitive in Soccer should be celebrated. So in closing I would like to say . Hey Hope Solo what's good ?




  Douche Bags of the year - Take a guess what this one is about .

  Penn St. -  The whole college not just individuals. This is the biggest win for Penn State this year.  Forget what ever record they had over the football season the Nitty Lions have just been a huge disgrace to the world as a whole so I hope they hold on to this like a plush toy. Jerry Sandusky being a monster and molesting a numerous amount of children, Mike McQueary  trying to save his ass and make him self look like less of a coward  during the trail  , Joe Paterno doing the absolute least to stop Sandusky's candy grab , the big wig suits at the college doing even less and  finally the students of a once respected school making themselves look like a bunch of idiots by rioting in the streets because Paterno  got axed before the last game of the season. So congratulations guys you make me hate the fact we are the same species .  Just for that I am not giving you a photo so take that.

  Boston Red Sox -  Sorry Dustin your cool but your franchise on the other hand is not. See the Red Sox showed their true colors  once they made Yankees fans forget about the Mets collapse ( Theirs was worse people). See here you had a team who over paid for players with limited playoff experience  see all the Red Sox organization thought when they went out in late 2010 and early 2011 and saw guys that had good enough numbers but they didn't have that extra something that makes good players great...A back bone. So they dealt with a 0-10 start while the Yankees ,Orioles , Blue Jays and Rays all started better then 0-10  with "lesser" talent.  Just as they started they finished just as cold losing what seemed like every game in the most important month of September. And that is just the beginning . You see the public found out that those idiots in 2004 turned out to be complete assholes in 2011.  Like I have said before I am cool with Rally Beers in the club house frankly thats how the Hooligans do it. But calling out your manager when you gave up big runs, not having your head in the game , and well being a tool bag out of the bull pen doesn't sit well.  But as the Red Sox limped away n to the offseason to take stock of what they have done .  Manager Terry Francona  was let go just as the playoffs where about to start. See Tito asked the Red Sox to let him go from his contract because he failed to make the playoff for the second or third year in a row with a team that was ravaged by injuries and terrible trades. Which was a stand up move by Tito but the Red Sox launched a smear campaign saying that he was distracted by the end of the season because of a pill addiction? Which Francona  has denied and has decided to take a year off managing to hold down the booth on Espn  Sunday Night baseball?  Good job Red Sox , This is why the Yankees  own your asses.

   Ryan  Braun - The National League M.V.P ish.  Braun might retain the MVP by the end of his 50 game suspension but he will reign supreme as Douche bag of the year. Yes, Ryan Braun the  2nd most beloved athlete in the greater Milwaukee area to date due to his home runs hustle and loyality to the franchise. But during the Playoffs he faild a drug test by coming up positive for synthetic testosterone. I guess Beast mode is store bought. I know he has had the support of the team and the community but thats ridiculous man. There were other players who took steroids and have been made to look like a villain but he gets the benefit of the doubt because why ? He signed a 5 year deal with a low market team or what .  Look Rafael Palmero  was a top tier guy and he was run out of the league, Mark McGwire will never get into the hall of fame, and Manny Ramirez reputation as one of the games best right handed hitter has been ruined because of his bitch tits. But Ryan Braun gets the benefit  of the doubt . I don't get it .

  Biggest surprises of the Year

 Baseball - Curtis Granderson.  The Grandy  man  blew up this year. After a relatively disappointing first year with the New York Yankees only hitting  .247 with 24 home runs with 67 rbis with 12 stolen bases. But in 2011 .262 with 41 home runs 119 rbis with 25 stolen bases.  Granderson  by all rights should have won the A.L. MVP but they gave it to Justin Verlander because  he won over 20 games or something come on. Grandy  carried the Yankees  when Tex, A-Rod, Cano , and Jeter were slumping.  But since the MLB refuse to show Grandy some love I will. Curtis if you ever read this while searching for Paul O'niel photos on Google . You're the man  buddy. Good Luck next season.

  Football -  Jason Pierre Paul -  If anyone here follows me on twitter which is highly doubtful  and you should. Every sunday since I would guess week 10 I have been blowing up about JPP. Some of my tweets just say JPP is a beast. I know it looks like I am sticking around with New York guys. With 76  tackles and 14.0 sacks JPP has come out and run shoppe on offensive linemen.  This guy is going to the Pro Bowl even though his team might not be going to the playoffs.  JPP and Eli  have basically been the only two Giants keeping the dream alive.  This week Mark Sanchez is going meet JPP in regular reason and JPP is mad .

 
  Video Games - Arkham  City - Yeah this one is a gimmie . I know everyone knew this game was gonna be straight out fire, but really this was off the chain. It was called the best adaptation of Batman in all media forms. That means comics and Movies. Thats pretty impressive since it's a 60 year old comic and Batman movies have been the biggest box office draws. If you played you know about that fire so I will stop here but you can grapple on to helicopters.

 Pop Culture -  Kate Upton  - It took me almost 24 hours to come up with this selection and I am totally cool with the outcome. You see at the start of 2011 I had no clue who the hell she was but after a few months she just blew up big time. I know I totally could have picked someone who was more influential but she played in the celebrity all star game softball game which is for charity and she looks like this  so really who can blame me. There are some rumbling about her dating Mark Sanchez so that really effected her stock. But we all make mistakes, But Kate Upton Locked it down this year and never let go. Good for her and good for all of  us.


  Biggest Disappointments  of the Year

   Baseball - Adam Dunn - The Big Donkey's first year in the A.L was going to be his finest. Yes, the slugger who was known to be one of the N.L's best home run hitters  so when he signed up with the Chicago White Sox to be in a line up with guys like Paul Kenerko , Carlos Quentin , Alexi Ramirez and Gordon Beckham who was going to bounce back after a sophomore slump. You'd think the White Sox would be slugging like the best of them. See in 2010 Adam Dunn had his walk year with the Nationals and belted 38 big flies 103 rbis and a career high 36 doubles so when he walked into the free agent market he was one of the prime power guys. So he signed a pact with the White sox and moved up 5 rounds in fantasy baseball so really it was going to be Dunn's year to shine , Finally out of Pujols , Prince and Votto's  shadow as a power hitting first basemen. So what happened? Dunn locked down a .159 batting average 11 home runs and 42 rbis a career low 66 hits and 75 walks but his second highest total of 177 strike outs. This was Dunn's worst year ever even if you look at his rookie campaign in 2001 he hit .262 with 19 home runs 43 rbis with 64 hits.  Dunn is looking to rebound in his second year in the AL

  Football - Chad Ochocinco - Who'd guess that he would be called the biggest football disappointment this year? Anyone, anyone ? Yeah I figured as much, Ocho   was a pro bowl caliber wide out for the Cincinnati Bengals and when the Bengals traded him to the Pats for an undisclosed draft pick everyone including myself thought that this would be the shot in the ass Chad's career needed. It was no surprise he wasn't happy in Cincy and who can blame them years of missing the playoffs or not even being competitive in the playoffs. So now Chad is in a good system with a coach that is made to look like a fool in front of his team  and a philosophy of winning just what he needed. But  only starting in 13 games without injury chad has hauled in 14 receptions for 261 yards and only one touchdown.  The season is not over and who knows how he will perform in the playoffs but for the regular season Chad has not been as good as advertised. Child please.

  Football . 2 - The Colts - As I was writing  about Ochocinco  I realized that there was another  huge disappointment in football this year. The 1-13 Colts . I guess it was about year ago today when everyone in the world was saying that the Colts have a shot at returning to the Super Bowl. So what happened ? Did they put in a new system that no one understands, did they fire their head coach , did every one of their star players get hurt and did their owner get involved with a ponzi  scheme ? I am just trying to figure out how the Colts went from the Yankees to the Mets in a hot second. The Colts still had all of their stars ready to go except for 1 guy. Peyton Manning apparently holds the key to the Colts success. Look I know Peyton Manning  might be one of the most fundamentally sound quarter backs in the history of the NFL. But how  do you have a playoffs team go bust just because one guy  isn't there. How does a sound program crumble that fast and now Reggie Wayne, Jeff Saturday and Peyton Manning are on the hot seat when really it should be the coach because thats his fault? I have seen teams win with less and for them to go 1-13 is terrible.

Bonus - Hyundai Commercials - Have you seen these travesties ? They are awful. Stupid white guy trying to rap with his lame ass friends driving through a shopping mall parking lot . Come on bro get some dancing hamsters because Kia is smoking your ass right now.

 Bro of the Year 2011 - The last award... The Fire Flames award

   Baseball - Robinson Cano  - Hate if you want but Robbie Cano  is a Bro. He pretty much locked this award down at the home run derby when he won the whole event by hitting bombs off his dad.  What do you know Robbie Cano  had a quite MVP type season. The only reason why he is a bro is because he is mad smooth. He caught guff earlier in his big league career for being lazy but he isn't lazy he is just so good. He makes playing  second base look as simple as  reading pop up books. He covers a ton of ground and make Derek Jeter still look like a good major leaguer , which is the toughest task known to man.  When he hits the dude has one of the top 3 sweetest swings in the majors. Way to Go Robbie Cano .

   Football - Rob Gronkowski  - The Patriots tight end has set the world on fire this year. He has  shattered the NFL record for tight end touch downs and has left huge craters in the opposing teams end zone with his mega spikes. Gronk  nation has gained followers over the football season due to his brash behavior and pension for tweeting and nailing hot chicks. Yeah so hands down Bro of the Year 2011 I and I have a funny feeling he might be the Bro of the year of 2012.

Lady Bro of the Year

Mila  Kunis  -  Who knew Jackie Burkhart   threw out that much heat? Not me, I was kinda down with Donna Pinciotti . But yeah Mila  set the silver screen on Fire  this past year. With that movie, and that other one she did with that guy and people and well I haven't seen her movies because I have had shit going on , Sorry . But yeah she did some photo shoots and what.  And she puts reporters on blast when they make fun of Timberlake in Russian. So she gets the Lady Bro of the year. Sorry T-Swift and Minka Kelly maybe next year.



   Enjoy your Holidays since Hanukkah and Christmas are in the same week. Go Nuts everyone and keep reading.

7 sports that are just as boring as my writing

                          

   First things first last night I wrote that the Texas Rangers had 30 hours to sign Yu Darvish  they actually have 30 days so I was about 690 hours off. My bust. But today I wanted to finally talk about the sports I will never ever talk about on this site. Yes, its that time of the year where I feel that I should finally explain to the world wide viewers who view this site through google images and other search engines and wonder why I don't talk about their favorite sports. I am not saying the other two jerks wont write about them if they ever decide to write again.


So the parameters of this list is different then the others. This list is going to consist of "sports that are covered on major networks that are forced into our grill pieces and we are supposed to take it because  there is nothing else on at 3 am.  But to clear it this is the wikipedia definition  of sports. So look it up instead of me telling you because I have some bridges to burn.


7. Cup Stacking -  If you have ever been up before 8 on Espn  they play the Cup Stacking regionals or state championships or whatever  teams from across the world come in to some  convention center in some back ass county Oh hey Cup Stacking promo team check out Nassau Coliseum that shit should be vacant soon. Ok its basically kids competing so I really shouldn't be too critical . I just  hate the fact that they give this the whole sports work up. The team of commentators the graphics the whole sha -  bang a bang .

6. The Spelling Bee - Its obvious that I do not care for spelling.  But do I really need to have updates during real sports about some nerd kid from a private school in the   Golden Coast. Seriously bro I don't care you can spell words like Complementary or Dorritos  so shut up. Why do you need a sentence bro? what is that going to help with ?

5. Curling - What the hell is curling? There are brooms and stones on a frozen shuffle ball court.  Is this exciting or boring. Men and women play or compete or do this I honestly do not know this really called so I am just going to stop talking about it because figuring out what it is, is making me aggravated.  How is this an olympic sport and Football isn't where is the justice where is the justice ?

4.  Dallas Cowboy football - I know I have mentioned them often on this site but I hate them so much and no matter what they do they suck. Everything about them sucks. That stupid star logo, that gigantic travesty of a stadium , stupid Ed Werder  basically having to change his pants every time he talks to Tony Romo  or mentions his name and everything about them . God they suck.

3. Poker - This is not a sport this is not interesting this  does not take any athletic talent it takes the ability to read the other person to and luck. I am sick and tried of this being on t.v its just as boring as curling. This is stupid because the players only lose money . I want to see some one call a guy a scoundrel and shot him in the lapel with a derringer and hope off the steam boat in to the mighty Mississippi. So don't give me this rando  lame ass is the most intimidating person in sports because he wears sun glasses that reflect skulls.  You know who wears those ? People who also wear shirts with wolf murals on them.  Not intimidating at all

2. Golf - When Tiger Woods was exposed to be a someone who is actually cool the tight wads  at the PGA did not  exploit the awesomeness of that whole scandal. No instead they hyped up some lame ass young golfers who are huge d-bags ( You think Greg Norman would do this shit ?) who are not that good because there are still better players out there. So the reason I hate golf  is not because I am bad at it. Actually I have a good short game and I re-tooled my drive and I can reach the green on a par 5 in 2 so I can hack it. Problem is everything about it is so lame. Do I care that Ricky Fowler is a person who plays golf, no I don't fuck him where is Tiger Woods, John Daly and Happy Gilmore? The PGA also bagged Tiger for ripping off F-bombs at tour events. I bet pro golf is just as frustrating as Words with Friends so I don't blame the guy.


    1. NASCAR - Americas most popular sport.... That isn't a sport ... That shouldn't be considered a sport because anyone with a drives licensee can be a pro driver. Oh boy they drive fast and turn left , so intriguing I can drive the speed limit make both rights and lefts and still not lose control of my car. Oh and Danica Patrick is not attractive at all she is mediocre at best , who know who is hot Hope Solo and thats because she wins and is actually very good looking. But Nascar is just as boring as all of these other so called "sports"  and there is some sort of point system, honestly how can this have rules besides  : Start race, make 500 left turns don't crash and finish the 500 turns before the other guy.  Simple  right ?  But no there is some sort of extra points of winning that makes no sense what so ever.  I better be careful Kyle Busch and Jeff Gordon might run me off the road tomorrow... I 'll just turn right and lose them.

   7 so called sports. I couldn't think of 3 other "sports" that annoyed me as much these. Hell I would rather watch the WNBA or Women's  Soccer instead of any of these dull fest's. I am actually exhausted from writing about this things. Also Hope Solo is hot. Nuff said.

                        

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

YU got to be kidding me

                                  

    So a few hours ago the Texas Rangers won the bid to talk to Japanese pitching phenom Yu Darvish , at a record setting 51.7 million dollars  according to Yahoo sports, which is 6 hundred thousand dollars more then the Boston Red Sox threw out for Dice-K and a whopping 51.1 million to talk to him and then give him 52 million over 8 years of a wedded bliss that doesn't have them trying to ship him off to some other team these past two off seasons. But yes now the clock starts for the Rangers to lock up the big hurler.  Luckily for the Rangers they can get the 51.7 million back if they fail to work out at deal within 30 hours.


   So lets take a look at the 2 time American League  Champion Texas Rangers who look to maybe win it all next season.  If you look at all the teams in the A.L west  in comparison it is a logical expectation for the Rangers to compete for one of those Wild Cards. With the loss of CJ Wilson, moving Neftali  Feliz to the starting rotation for the rebounding Joe Nathan who will now be the closer, and not going after Prince Fielder to bulk up that offense like how the Angels did the Rangers  are going to coast into second place. Even with Yu Darvish  in the rotation.

  Now what will they do will id they work out a deal. Will they throw him into the fire right away or will they bring him  along so he can learn the American game and be  a factor in the 2013 season? What ever they do they still wont be a  1st place team. The Rangers are on the Mitch Moreland bandwagon hard. Moreland is a good defensive first basemen and an average hitter. But for the Rangers to be a real competitor they need to do two things 1. Only play night games  and 2. Hope and pray that the next 5 years Pujols and Wilson  do not show up to games.   Without Wilson as their sad excuse for an ace and Darvish  in. It looks like this  Colby Lewis, Alexi Ogando , Yu Darvish, Derek Holland, and Neftali  Feliz   . That is just a lot of question  marks right there. Ogando  who was straight up fire to start the season but fell off do to lack of experience and puttering out , the Rangers have been waiting for  Derek Holland to come through and during the post season  he showed up with a pedo stache and had some clutch performances.  But with Feliz, Darvish and Nathan being huge parts of this  teams success it will be hard for them to capture the crown.

  I know how this might look. You might say that I have shown I do not favor Japanese players and the records will prove me right that they are over rated and the only good Japanese player of all time is Ichro. Say what you will I watch enough baseball to know that he will be the only one to go into the Hall of Fame...…Ugh thats it I can't think of anymore.  I am watching some Simpsons episodes and NFL primetime. So I have a lessing   interest level on baseball right now. I just want to leave you with one lasting piece of wisdom. The Texas Rangers are over rated.  Start getting into the Christmas Spirit
                              

Monday, December 19, 2011

Davis to the Knicks, Latos to the Reds, and LeSean McCoy is going to be the #1 pick next year




     After an extremely good saturday I had an extremely disappoint weekend  of sports if you are a Jets, Giants, Texans, Packers, Broncos,Ravens, and Browns fans but every week is kind of disappointing if you're a Browns fan. But along with those teams my fantasy team suffered a wildly humiliating  showing in the semi finals. Right now I am down 201-121 with my kicker left so that sucks. God damn Drew Brees.   But besides the huge disappointment  football was this weekend there were a few things that did happen that I think you should be aware of .  The Knicks signed point guard Baron Davis to add depth to their back court and the Padres traded Mat Latos for Yonder Alfonzo and Edison Volquez.


   The Knicks have been making of  moves left and right before the opener on Christmas. But is signing Baron Davis the way to go ? I know he is a veteran who can run the point to an all star level but with his increased age and declining health. I am not saying he is dying I am saying he isn't as sturdy as he was back in Naw  Lans and Golden State . Right now is his estimated to be out for at least 8-10 weeks due to a back injury. So it look like his first real actions with the Knicks will be in late january. So now what do I think because thats what you all are waiting for. I think Baron will be big for the Knicks once he is healthy and since the Knicks have depth at point guard now with Tony Douglas and Mike Bibby this could help Davis last through out the rest of the season. Look I know I was wrong about them keeping Billiups and Tariff but I was right about Tyson Chandler so I might be a bout 75%  of the time thats pretty good numbers so I am a trusted source. I hope everything works out for the Knicks because with the way things are going I have one more game to give 2 shits about with the Giants and I highly doubt the Mets will give me anything over the Christmas season.  So I hope it  works out.


   This on is for my Fans or fan out in the San Diego area and for the fans out in the Cincy  area as well. This past weekend the Reds landed a young ace type pitcher in Mat Latos by sending off highly touted prospect Yonder Alfonzo and once feared and good pitcher Edison Volquez. Latos had a slow start after starting the season on the D.L  and putting up a 9-14 record. I know this because This guy was on my fantasy team and I thought "Oh hey Mat Latos in the 10th round suckers looks like I have 5 aces on this squad look out Championship here comes the Morgan Freemans. " but no.  Unlike me the Padres were able to send off Latos. But that is a huge mistake Latos is a good pitcher except he was in a shit offense so he would get the short end of the stick. He is like the southern Cali version of Doug Fister . Latos is going into an offense with a 30 home run hitting outfielder in Jay Bruce, a Triple Crown threat in Joey Votto, Drew Stubbs who yes last year struck out a bagillion times but can still smack a few dingers  and steal a ton of bases and by the end of last year started to take a couple of pitches, now with Latos in the fold the pitching staff is almost all righties ( Latos, Arroyo, Leake, Bailey, and Cueto), and hopefully Chapman throwing bullets as the closer it looks like the   Reds could be a surprise in the up coming season.

    But for the Padres this might be the a huge mistake. Alfonzo is a good prospect but  where is he going to play ? The problem with the Padres is that they have young player at almost every position. But this isn't the biggest concern for the young Padres who lost their closer to the Miami Marlins and then traded  for Huston Street and catcher Jeff Baker. But the key part of this trade is Edison Volquez. the pros are saying that Edison will be a great fit there. I highly doubt it because he will suffer the same fate that Latos did but the only difference is that since Volquez came back from Tommy John he hasn't been as dominate as he was before and has had a run in with the roid dragon. I don't think this move will help the Padres in the unpredictable N.L west.  No one really knows who will win it this year. I guess we will find out later.

   Al right thats pretty much it. If you're wondering where the NFL recaps are I stopped them because I have been working a lot saturdays and sundays so I haven't had too much time. I will try to get back to them after Christmas games because there are some good matchups and hopefully my hockey guy will come back to let us know whats going on there  but for right now I am gearing up for basketball.

Friday, December 16, 2011

I cover some stuff sports related again. Yes it's not about food or nerdy shit

 Just a few topics I want to cover before I hit the hay tonight because I am still feeling weird from last night. I guess that is to be expected when you almost gas your self like I was in WWII.


   Sam Hurd of the Chicago Bears and originally  of the Dallas Cowboys has been busted for trying to "set-up " a drug dealing network. After skimming the article and hearing all day on the radio and t.v I have an idea of what Mr. Hurd tried to do. He watched a back-to-back marathon of Weeds and Breaking Bad and got a wild hair up his ass that he could be a king pin.  Yes, I 've seen this before after you watch a few episodes of Breaking Bad the biz looks so easy and if you get the right partner it could be easy street.Or maybe he caught Blow on Stars who knows but this idiot was throwing out cash like he was Ochocinco. $25,000 for kilos of coke and $450 for pounds of weed. So he had his swag card stamped by Tony Montana . But unfortunately for him Montana isn't real and dead (spoiler alert) . I just can't wait to see who he sold to because you know for a fact when that shit hits people are going to go nuts. I am calling it right now there are a lot of shitty players on that list. Also how much do you think reporters are pissed off that he is on the Bears right now and not the Cowboys. Just think of the headline Cocaine Cowboy.  That would have killed .

   I don't honestly understand why teams are going ape shit over Yu Darvish . Teams are lining up throwing money just to talk to the guy and who ever wins the right to sign him will only regret it later. I am siding on the pessimistic side of the Darvish  race and I am so happy that the Mets are having money troubles so they didn't even think of putting a single dollar in that hat but you know with their luck even if they thought of trying to go after this guy and bid on the right to talk to him they'd probably win and he'd be terrible. Which brings me to the point he will be terrible like Dice - K , Tomo  Okha ,  Kaz  Ishii , Kei  Igawa and the list goes on of disappointing Japanese players? Frankly the only two players who came over from Japan to do anything great here is obviously Ichro and Hideki Matsui.  Look I am not saying that Yu wont be good frankly I have seen him pitch in the WBC and he has stuff. He actually could turn out to be a difference maker but he has to go to a team that will bring him along the right way.If not, you have to look at the possibility of Hideki Irabu and to a lesser extent Dice-K. Wether its injury or just not living up to the hype is it worth it to dump 55 or more million dollars into an untested pitcher who will be signed by a contender or possible contender and be labeled as an ace.


    I am going to stick with baseball one last time.  Now people who read this know how I side a lot with lower market teams because well my team is now a  money strapped team. But I like teams that can build from the farm and smart free agent signings (Still a Mets fan). But can people stop saying that the Yankees are going to trade off Jesus Montero  for King Felix. It's  not going to happen Hernandez is signed up for the next 3 or 4 years at a heavy penny and yeah the Mariners would like to free up some extra cash to lock up  other prospects for years but thats unlikely.  The Mariners are built on pitching , I say that because their ball park is massive and they have no big slugger besides Justin Smoak who has hit just about 24 career bombs.  The Mariners are going to hold on to King Felix until the end of his contract. The addition of Monitor would be a bump to their offense but Monitor is being looked at through pin striped glasses.   So please for the love of God stop this madness and focus on getting Hanley and J. J  from Miami. You can send A.J , A-rod  , and Austin Romain  down there so they can get punched and take steroids as one is just a good prospect.  There its settled.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Chris Paul Finally gets traded to.... The Clippers?



   So the first big blockbuster move of the upcoming NBA season has been made.  Chris Paul or more well known as CP3 has been traded to the Los Angeles Clippers. So  with the addition of Chauncey Billiups and Caron Butler earlier this month the Clippers look to have a team once again and this time Elton Brand didn't have to lie to Baron Davis to do it either.  So it looks like CP3 will sign up with the Clippers giving them a young tandem  with Blake Griffin.   It looks like the West is getting stronger well at least the 2nd team in the Staple Center is getting better.  Blake and CP3 might turn out to be the one of the most dominate forces in the West. Since Blake is in his 3rd year  and was a highlight reel last season in his first full year of action. Now with 2 all star point guards in Paul and Billiups on the court at the same time and Butler at shooting guard it's a nice team around the big guy. The Clippers have a team and I think they will be playing the Knicks in the NBA Finals . Good night, sorry my head is full up with windex and Kaboom. I cleaned out  bathroom tonight and there was very little ventalation so I am a bit spacey.... Also the internet is flush with stories about Miley Cyrus possibly having a boob job. She is 19 now so it's not as creepy as it sounded.

                                              

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

This is totally Rick Reilly's Fault



  Dude I just finished watching the Rick Reilly NFL special on Espn , rough man. It was a roller coaster of emotions. So it got me thinking of how much an uncharitable scum bag that I am. It got me thinking " Wow, you know I can spread good cheer and reach out to people due to this blog. Because people do read this or so I think. But I have a platform and If I can reach like 3 people to do good or help out then they can get 3 more people and so on and so forth like that movie like Seven or was it Pay it forward. Look it has Kevin Spacey and some blonde chick. " so with all of these ideas running through my head and then I got hungry... Yeah I have a short attention span. Who wants to do good when you can stuff your face. So here is a top 7 list of things I would like to make, buy or stuff my own face with.... Yes, its another top ten about food. Happy Holidays Phuckers .




7. Deep Fried triple decker Grilled Cheese - So I don't know if this is a real thing but it is I am going to get it lickity  spilt homie . So this is how I see it working out, I get 3 different kinds of cheese ( American , Munster and a mild cheddar ) and 1 type of bread ( toss up between White and Potato no rye or whole wheat in this monster).  So I'll put 4 slices of each kind of each on their own individual sandwich  so 1 american, 1 Munster, and  one cheddar. Then I would  obviously set up the deep fry oil and a corn meal / bacon batter. So I would dip each sandwich in the batter then take on of those big wooden sticks that you make kabobs with. Then you drop the big boy in it and let it fry on up for a little bit get it nice and crispy and heart clogging. Now comes the hardest part coming up with a name for this abomination because calling it a Deep Fried triple decker Grilled cheese. Hmm what should I call it ? What about   the Bubba Frank? A cheese based item named after a former Green Bay Packer Tight end legend, clever and possibly tasty. This could be the most poorly written paragraph on this site of all time.

6.  Lobster Chile - OK I know it sounds kinda gross but this idea has been kicking around my brain for about 2 months now. In october I was craving sea food which is weird because normally me and sea food only get along like Tom Brady and  assistant coaches... Haha  topical. But yeah so I was at work just doing work and stuff like that and then boom " Yo I want to eat some lobster chile. " and from then on it has been a long unfruitful venture and the more and more I think about it the better it sounds.  So it will be maybe 2 pounds of chop meat with all the Chile fix-ins you can think of and at the end just through in some lobster meat that has been soaking in butter sauce for about 3 and a half hours and then grill it up . Look I don't grantee this will be a good mix of food. Frankly I think it could be a huge disaster but I am intrieged   by it. Though Butter sauce sitting some where for over three hours might just turn to butter so this might be a logistic nightmare. But I am willing to take the challenge for you guys because that the kind of guy I am.


5.  Buffalo Wings - Yeah so I'm no jerk. I am a fan of the staples of tail gating . Get a few of these bad boys  in the mix I am there . But wether its mild, spicy or whatever wings is where its at bro beans.  But there seems to be this grown trend and a spike in the popularity of boneless wings. What the hell is that , its spicy shitty chicken nuggets. I can't even look at them let alone eat more then 3 of them. I am fat, you should know that by now. But really if you want to be a champ of wings you have to have the bones in them. Thats how I roll.

4. Sliders - So I always thought that sliders where just from White Castle . But to my shock they're all over the place and not just mini hamburgers. There are like chicken ones, pulled pork ones and others its like a skittles rainbows of mini burgers that taste so good. I am all about the mini burgers not because I like to feel like a giant  who broke in to a tiny kitchen and made  burgers but because you get a few of them so you can enjoy multiple burgers with out feeling like a fat jerk.

3. Mega Chile Cheese Hot Dogs - This is a hall of fame pick right here. This is possibly the Tim Tebow of food picks.  You  heard how good it was in college and when you see it at first compared to other picks like  mozzarella sticks , cheese burgers, and chicken wings you start to doubt the play of the Mega Chile cheese Hot dog. So you back away from it and go with something that is kind of disappointing for awhile and then you just give in to the pressure and go for it and it pays off big time.  You take  your standard hot dog bun line the bottom up with some cheese (shredded or and toast it up real good so that it can handle the weight. Then you take a hot dog (grill , fry, boil ) give it a little bath in some hot sauce after your done cooking it.  After you place the hot dog on the bun put cheese on the sides of the bun kind of hugging the hot dog. Then you glob on the Chile on top of the hot dog and sprinkle some cheese and bacon bits if you have them and pray to the lord all mighty.

2. Pulled Pork Pockets - This is another one of my custom ideas that might blow your mind / colon.  So as you slow cook your pulled pork for 6-12 hours you can do some damage else where. You put the pork that will be pulled in a crock pot at like  8 am, play a little football, get some lunch, drink a few beers and by the night game you are almost ready to go hard. then you pre-heat the oven to the right heat so 350 I'd estimate and then you get the  cookie sheet ready with some aluminum foil  then get  Grands biscuits or pie dough or what ever empanada are made of .But  you gotta break an egg and  mix it up so you have something to bind the pocket together after you open them up to put the pulled pork inside. Boom you put them in the pockets and let it heat up for 13-15 minutes. You might want to keep a close eye on them to make sure the pork doesn't dry out.

1.  Fat steak Sandwich - Do you know what a Fat sandwich is ? Its like Chicken fingers, motz  sticks, french fries  or other shit  on a hero . So what I do is  I marinate a  tenderized steak with Ken's Honey teriyaki  marinated for a day and a half  to let it all seep in oh so nice. Then I get  well pretty much the same shit like motz  sticks and french fries. But I get those fancy french rolls that cost like $4. So I take the rolls and make them in to little individual garlic bread rolls.  So with the Steak all grilled up and so it melts like butter in your mouth... I like steak especially when I make it because its one of the 4 things I do really good. So a  nicely made steak , some motz sticks, these fires form Ore-Ida seasoned with some Chile powder and salt to get some kick in there. Maybe a little lettuce to make it healthy. Maybe make more fries with some gravy for your side dish I don't know I am getting hungry just writing about it.


 Do you want dessert ?  Thats not my strongest suit.  By the way if you happen to make any of these concoctions please send photos to the Email (phantomballplayer@yahoo.com) So I can put the photos up here or  on the Facebook page which is located right above to the right or left depending on how you are reading this. Just consult your doctor before dining.  By the way I started writing this last night at midnight got tired and fell asleep almost crying (Fucking Rick Reilly you bastard) So there  might be a strange flow through out the whole post but its about food.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Where will the Big Man go...

   Hey everyone hows everyone recovering from that wacky unfocused last 179 posts, oh I like to jest about my writing skills. Well yesterdays wasn't that great but todays should be a lot better because I actually have a topic to write about. I gotta tell you it feels so good to have an idea and execute it with classy-ness that I do so well.

                          
    So with the signing of Jose Reyes and Albert Pujols means there is only one real BIG free agent left... puns intended the puns are always intended. Prince Fielder  is the last big fish in the free agent pond and there is one team out there that is trying their hardest to reel the big guy in. Prince Fielder is a big guy. There I said it without making a fishing reference.  But with local sports casters saying signing Prince is a bad move because of his weight and everyone thinks he is going to break down psychically. But for a fat guy who as a full time major leaguer has never played less then 157 games and has never hit below .260 thats pretty impressive as a 27 year old who has carried a terrible franchise and for a guy who is 1 year younger and in "worse shape " then Jose Reyes has only played 52 lesser games  then Jose. If you take it in to consideration  since Jose came up in 2003 and Prince came up in 2005 thats pretty impressive. I am not saying that Prince is destine to play over 3,000 games in the field I am saying all of this hate because M.D's second pick last year and My first rounder  in 2010 is just a big dude is completely farcical. Big dudes do it with style. Let that be a lesson to you... Ladies.


  So what team is going to lock this guy down. I am going to list a few possible landing spots for the new King of Crash... Have you seen his no doubt home run swing? Bros got swagg . So  what team is Likely to sign him ?


1. Washington Nationals -  Ok so I know my Terry Francona  to the Nats  this year didn't really work out but the season hasn't started yet. So Why would Prince  go here?  Oh I don't know Stephen Strasbourg, Bryce Harper, Ryan Zimmerman and Livan Hernandez. Ok well maybe not Livan Hernandez but if you put Prince in the 3 or 4 spot of this line up  ( 1. Ian Desmond SAs, 2. Jayson Werth Cf, 3. Ryan Zimmerman 3b, 4. Prince Fielder 1b, 5. Mike Morse rf , 6. Bryce Harper lf, 7. Wilson Ramos c, 8. Danny Espionsa 2b, 9. Stephen Strasbourg p) that looks pretty pretty pretty daunting. Screw the Marlins that team kinda jumps up to the top of the division. OK with all the positives there are  some negatives to the deal. If the Nats  throw out a big contract they might lose someone down the line. I don't know how much money the Nats  have in their pocket but I bet when Stars burg and Harper are done with their rookie contracts I highly doubt they will ask for league minimum.  It's likely that he will go to D.C

2. New York Yankees -  The Yankees love power hitters. You think I am lying ? Wait  its common knowledge that the Yankees love power hitting lefties. Yankee stadium is catered to lefties. So if you're wondering would Prince fit into  the Yankees puzzle? No he doesn't he is a pretty good defensive player and since the Yankees has one of the best two way 1st baseman in Mark Teixeria.  He would be the full time Dh.  If you want to take a guy who has been in the N.L for a while  then throw him into the Dh role  worst case scenario  look at Adam Dunn last year. That  was abysmal he hit like .159 last year a total disappointment. But best case scenario  Vladimir  Guerrero.  Is it likely that he goes to New York, highly unlikely. Though $$$$ cash money is hard to turn down.  You can't even think of a line up that would make anyones contract happy and a line up that a good lefty pitcher has a chub while on the mound against them. So many lefties

3.  Chicago Cubs - This is a tough one. Theo and his brain trust have a huge stone to move in their first year . See their problem is that Theo did so well in his first year in Boston by breaking the Curse of the Bambino and having a team that had one of the most improbable playoff run  by winning the last 3 of 7 when they were down 3-1 in the ALCS against the Yankees .  So the question is do the Cubs go after Prince. Sure they do but he wont go or if he does go they don't get out of 3rd place for the first 3 years of his contract. See the problem is the Cubs are two-seconds away from imploding. They need to rebuild before they buy another large contract that sinks the team down again. The Cubs are like a girl in a relationship with a bad dude. But that bad dude is named Carlos Zambrano. For some reason this guy is still on the team. Big Z should have been gone after he forced Lou Pinela to retire because of his "Mom".  Until they can break free of that manic they can't move on. I'd Say 50/50  because the Cubs have a bunch of money and are desperate and because since 2005 they have been the #2 enemy so conundrum.

4.  St. Louis Cardinals - What do you do after a rough break up? You get drunk and hook up with that fat chick who lives up the road... Yes in this scenario Prince Fielder is that Fat chick. It is a possibility that Prince can go to St. Louis. But would you want be that guy who signs a big contract to replace Albert Pujols ? Hell no. Also I highly doubt Prince wants to be booed in both two places along with Arizona.  So if it's highly unlikely that Prince end up here why did I list the Cards? I just needed a good break in between.





5.  Toronto Blue Jays - This is the team I actually like for Prince. He is protected and would be the 1st baseman. Toronto is not one  of those teams that are easily intimidated buy guys throwing out cash. They have over paid for players before like A.J. Burnett.  With the new wild card set up taking place this season ( I think) the Jays are hunting this year. But I know their main priority is pitching. They need a # 2 to go behind Ricky Romero. They could sign Roy Oswaltt  for a 2 year with an option for a 3rd for like 15 million since Oswaltt  is coming back for a back injury and give Prince a 7 year 100 million contract that will lock him and Joey Batts in for the next four years. Lets look at the line up with Prince in thick of it ... 1. Yunel  Escobar ss, 2. Kelly Johnson 2b, 3. Jose Bautista rf, 4. Prince Fielder 1b,  5. Brett Lawrie 3b, 6. Colby Rasmus cf , 7. J.P Arencibia c, 8. Adam Lind dh, 9. Eric Thames. They might swap Lind and Rasmus but if you look at that line up and if Arencibia takes a few pitches  thats a tight line up.They just added a true closer  Sergio Santos to their pretty solid bullpen.  So is it likely , I'd say it's his best place to go play and get his money. So Toronto don't go after Yu Darvish because nothing good comes out of Japan that isn't named Ichiro and Godzilla. 


   So I feel that The Blue Jays should be the best place for Prince to land. Oh Canada will love this guy and the Blue Jays will sky rocket to  being in the hunt for the Al East crown and a wild card. Look  I have been right on a few things like Tyson Chandler and some stuff I can't remember  but that doesn't mean I wasn't right. Though a Fielder Blue Jays jersey would be pretty sick. 

  Not to shabby. When I have an idea where I focus I am unstoppable. Lets look at the Jays projected line up 

1. Yunel Escobar - Short Stop
2. Kelly Johnson - 2nd Base
3. Jose Bautista  - Right Field 
4. Prince Fielder - 1st Base
5. Brett Lawrie - 3rd Base
6. Colby Rasmus - Center Field
7. J.P Arencibia - Catcher
8. Adam Lind - D.H
9. Eric Thames - Left Field 


    That shit is sick