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Thursday, January 5, 2012

Not only do they make money. They make it rain ... except Tim Tebow he is still learning how to throw


     It's almost time for the playoffs to start. We have about one more real day where we can all be humanly and social but when 1 o'clock on saturday arrives you can pretty much forget it because almost everyone will be glued to a t.v set  watching the wild card round and then on sunday we will batten down the hatches and do it all again. The NFL playoffs are  what we all have been waiting for.  But  after my near perfect predictions I am starting to reconsider. With the  Atlanta Falcons playing outside against the Giants  this sunday @ 1 pm on Fox which I have yet to make up my mind on where I will be viewing this great or heart wrenching game yet but I'll figure it out soon enough. There is a question or a statement or what ever that is always thrown around this time of year " What wins games a good Defense or a Good Offense?" and since there are so many defensive players and I am going to list teams  other offensive weapons tomorrow. I would have done it today but I had to call up Sallie  Mae and discuss how much fucking they are going to do to my bunghole. So I am just going to list the Playoff quarterbacks and talk about some stuff on why they might be good or bad in the playoffs. You know how lists go I shouldn't have to spell it out for you.
     Since there are 12 teams in the playoffs lets start with the weakest Quarterback in the stable.

12. T.J. Yates - The second string ,time out 3rd string Quarter back of the Houston Texans. How much does it suck that the first time this franchise wins their division and makes the playoffs , had a strong defensive showing all season, great production from the running back position and have  most of their star players being hurt. Yes Matt Schuss, Mario Williams, Andre Johnson, Arian Foster, and a bunch of other dudes who's names I don't know have spent a good amount of time on the side lines in team apparel that isn't a jersey. But T.J stepped up better then expected. He had a couple of winning drives and really steered the ship in the right direction until they Texans Clinched. But all that shies isn't gold or what ever that saying is. The past three weeks  Tj has been whooped up harder then any other Quarterback . Right now Yates has a minor separated shoulder and is playing a wildly aggressive defense in Cinicy .  If TJ Yates can stay out of the trainers room and on the field the Texans have a shot. But if he gets hurt they are done. His backups are Jake Delhome  and Jeff Garcia and since it's not 2003 is up shits creek without a paddle .

11. Tim Tebow  - Yes I am throwing Tim Tebow under the bus here and I feel really bad about it to. But sadly Tebow has not been Tebowesk (?) since Tom Brady showed him how to play Quarterback and maybe it also has something to do with  going 30 for 73 with one passing touchdown. Something along those lines and now playing the leagues most  defensively sound defense Tim Tebow  needs to either start  start playing like how he did with the Gators with John Fox letting him loose  or Jesus coming down to Denver  putting on a jersey and lining up in the slot and being Tim Tebow's third option after Demaryius Thomas and Eric Decker.  I know Ryan Clark is out and So is Mendhall but I am pretty sure the Steelers have a plan.  For  Tebow to come up with a win he needs to complete more then 6 passes because the Steelers will have his running lanes pretty much blocked. Oh yeah and they have the head hunter James Harrison out there .

10. Alex Smith - No one knows who the 49ers will be playing next week but I can tell you this, They will make him beat them. Alex Smith has had a career year on his last contracted year with the 49ers and new Qb friendly coach. But really the offensive strong point of the 49ers  happens to be Frank Gore and last time I checked he didn't play Quarterback.  Alex Smith might of posted career highs in passing yards with 3,150 and a career low in interceptions with 5 but if what ever  team he faces shuts down Frank Gore which can happen. Will Smith have what it takes to break the defense. He is averaging about 196.9 yards per game  which is the 10 lowest yards  per game rating  the only two lower then him are well take a guess. Hint look up . So if it came down to his arm I feel the 10th most confident in him.

9. Andy Dalton - The Red Rocket, The rookie who defied the odds and lead this team on the mend to a wild card birth.  Why is Dalton ranked higher then Smith ? Two words no Ocho. The Bengals have been surprisingly quiet no receiver barking  to the press about lack of not getting the ball. Dalton has made tremendous strides in his first year and with little star shine too. So really he flew under the radar . While teams were planning for  Cedric the Big House Benson or A.J. Green, Dalton  would dice them up other ways. Look I like Andy Dalton I think he will be a very good quarterback and  make the AFC north even more of a force but this is not his time. They are we to young and  I don't know if  he can handle the playoff pressure. But best of luck to him.

8. Joe Flacco - What a good year for Ray Rice, right ? Flacco had an odd year. I am not saying Joe was bad he wasn't dropping 3,610 yards with 20 touchdowns but the 11 fumbles with 6  of them lost along with 12 interception didn't help and having all their loses coming on the road the Ravens are super pumped that they can have at least one home game in the playoffs. But going 4-4 on the road doesn't really sound that bad. Especially when those 4 wins are against your division and the Rams.  But Flacco doesn't look like the quarterback who will lead his team to a championship. He has been possibly the luckiest guy in the world, the one dude who isn't tackled by Ray Lewis, Terrell Suggs, Ed Reed, and Haloti Gnat those are some tough ass dudes and I hear not getting in there way is one of the 10 best ways to stay alive. The Ravens I think take on the winner of the Texans Bengals game so they will easily beat them but its that later round the one for the big show thats the matchup to watch. If its New England they are on the round in Mass in January, but if Pittsburgh wins they have the home game .  The Ravens are a win now team they have been on the cusp for so many years.

7. Matt Ryan - Matty Ice is a great quarterback and he will have a long and successful career, I like Matt Ryan so much he was on my fantasy team. He has pint point control and poise in the pocket, Matty Ice is a pro in every sense of the word. But there is something that he has to face that  the last 5 guys I listed don't have to...yet. The Giants . I know I might be New York biased but in the last 3 games no defense front has been more aggressive, no offense has been more clutch and no one has played up to and passed their competition  in the past 5 weeks. The only weakness that Ryan can exploit is the secondary but that has been getting better  and if Ryan has time to throw it deep I mean if Jason Pierre Paul doesn't hit him first. So best of luck next year Matt.

  6. Matthew Stafford - Whoa slow down I know you're all bugging out because how can I say that Alex Smith or Andy Dalton are 10 and 9 and this guy who had his first full year with out getting hurt be ranked higher? Well this kid is really good. Stafford was a member of the 5,000 yard club this year which is relatively impressive since he was in the same draft class as Mark Sanchez and Josh Freeman .  Stafford can drop over 500 easy on any type of defense. If you think Dalton had good weapons Stafford has the best of all of them. Matt and  his boy MegaTron have hit the end zone 16 times. Lets make one thing clear if Saturdays game turns out to be a defensive showdown. We will all be very disappointed. Plus I want to see them Lions make a real run at it.

5. Ben Roethlisburger - The Big man should of taken another day off against the Browns and try to heal up that ankle. The Steelers are looking for him to be huge this weekend against the Broncos. Their defense might be able to bottle up Tebow but we have to remember Denver's defense is pretty tough too not matter what Von Millers eye glasses look like.  Ben is hurt and his running game is dinged up even worse  so success will be drawn from his arm. He gets lucky due to Brian "Weapon X" Dawkins is out with neck injury. But will that be enough... Yeah pretty much Ben's gonna toast them for about 300 yards +.

4. Tom Brady - Tommy Boy here  is going to be firing away all game due to his defense having more holes in it then my good underwear. The Pats will be playing a very good defensive team and since their  running attack is eh at best with BenJarvis GreenEllis and Danny Woodhead not being as good as last year with both failing to break the 700 yard mark. But we know that Brady can win and we know Brady can throw but we know Brady can not handle a lot of pressure. So smart money says the other teams defense is going to have a blanket on Welker, Gronk and Hernandez so Branch and Ocho have to step up at least in the first half. I still think that Pats can make the Super Bowl I just think they will be banged up on the way there. But no matter what happens the Pats will run up the score and everyone will be totally cool with it because Tom Brady is infallible

3.  Eli Manning - Shut up my dude has been Elite all year.  He has set a record with 15 fourth quarter touchdowns and he cut down his interceptions by 9 this year which might not sound like a lot to the common observer but over here thats pretty big for a team who's running game is inconsistent.  With the Defense  gelling , Victor Cruz burning up defenders and now Jake Ballard coming back so that opens up Hakeem Nicks for more one on one match ups. Eli has the tools and the mentality to work from behind and not cave in. See everyone I have listed before Eli has had their moments when they have not come through and its hard to argue that Eli isn't clutch ...go ahead I dare you to argue it.  The Giants are motivated by Eli he is the leader of this team and the Giants will fight for him and they play up to their competition . I know they shat the bed when the Redskins  came to town but look when the Giants played  the two "playoff caliber" ( I had to stop and laugh for ten minutes )  late in the season . They demolished them, not just on the field but they made those teams take a philosophical look at them selves. The Giants have everything in their corner.  Eli and the Giants can beat the rest of the NFC except the Saints  but anyone else will be  beaten.

2.  Aaron Rodgers - Will the two weeks off help the future MVP. Yeah I think so. Not only did Aaron Rodgers have time to rest but so did the rest of the slightly banged up Packers like someone by the name of Greg Jennings. Rodgers will have all of his wide outs at 100% and ready to stomp and it mght be -52  degrees  in Green Bay.  The Pack gets luck because they will be playing a dome team  and a team they have beaten before.  Rodgers can cut  a lot of defenses up  thats not a question but the question is can they be as good as they were last year. The Pack & A-Rod were under dogs and surprised the world when they got into the playoffs and set it on fire. But now they are the Big Dogs every team wants a shot and do you not think if the Lions pull it off and play the Pack in the second round.  Do you think that the Lions wont pull out all the stops to beat them? Everyone is gunning for A-rod now the Chiefs showed them how it's done. Can he live in that pressure.

1.  Drew Brees -  The record breaker might in fact be the best quarterback in the playoffs. Why you ask  well you actually asked " Why God do you tourture us with you stupid puns and lame jokes when your just really dusting off an older post and trying to make it more current! Why do you do this to us we are just trying to get images from google so we can laugh at a hipster cat or jack it to cheerleader photos.. What does your endless dripple have to say about Drew Brees?"... He has a really god offensive line and solid running backs. Thats it really what can I add about Drew Brees that hasn't been said in the past week and a half. They have a home game and America's love and Chris Colinsworth on his junk. The Saints have apparently locked it up once they beat Atlanta. So Really the race is over.

     Tune in tomorrow where I basically do the same thing except with harder names to spell and different  offensive positions. Phantom Ballplayer... Someone has to be reading this right ? Oh yeah we are getting big in Germany... Wie machst du Deutschland? Danke fürs Lesen Phantom Ballspieler! Let that be a lesson to you other countries .


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