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Thursday, January 26, 2012

What to write about Goonies or baseball? Tough call... Fuck It Goonies

   The Tigers really Prince ? I thought we were boyz, I mean I said you were the dude of the year and how cool you were and then you lock up with the Tigers for 9 years for a sweet 214 million or so. All right I can't blame you for getting paid but the Tigers , bro  thats a bad spot . It's a big ball park and What ever man I thought you would have fit better with the Blue Jays. I'm not gonna get to  involved with  plus "The Goonies" are on ... is on what is the proper way to say that  the Goonies are on my television and I want to talk about that.

    So I have been off this week and I have been bored out of my fucking mind. Clean somethings here, apply for a new job their, feed my idiot dog, cook some food, eat some oatmeal... yup living the life fantastic over here.  But I have been able to catch some moves on Stars and Encore. Like I watched Mars needs moms or Mars wants moms whatever it was terrible. But The Goonies are on now and I am so happy, honestly it might be the highlight of my week right here.   Sean Aston, Josh Brolin, Corey Feldman, Martha Plimpton, Joe Pantaloon and a bunch of other people.

   Come on you know the story by now. A gang of latch key kids are bored and roving around an attic and find a random treasure map.  Mikey, Mouth, Data, Chunk and Mikey's brother  Brand ( for all this time I thought it was Brad) go searching for the treasure of 1 eyed Willy after their run in with the feared Fratelli  gang and they add local sluts Andy and Stef . Look you know the deal man. This gang of  bad asses and their tail pieces fuck around in a cave while the Chinese kid shoots gadgets out of his trench coat.

  As an adult (sort of) I learned so much from this movie seeing it with older and wiser eyes.

 1.) The Fat kid is not the weak link. He always brings something to the table wether it's the truffle shuffle of a 6 foot 8 mutant with super human strength. Unlike that loud mouth douche who knew what muerto is. Which 3 high school kids in the 80's never took a Spanish class? Thats why the town is going under to rich people

2.) Italians mothers hate their children. Mama Frazzle who had a voice of an angel by the way , seems to hate her 3 kids. So who do you think is the father of these kids , do you think she knows ? I am guess the two normal ones  must of come from a 4 way with the 3 stooges and Sloth came from Jason Vorheese and George the animal Steel. Either way she was a freak back in the 50's . She constantly beats Jake and Francis because they are fucking stupid but thats her fault instead of imprinting a life of crime she should have had them hit the books once in a while. Also she chained her child in the basement of a restaurant . How did that slip by the health board?  And then guilt tripping when he is getting justice. What a terrible mother, the kids obviously needed help.

3. Josh Brolin  is the king of swag. It doesn't matter what that dude does home boy locks it down with the school hottest girl but I am pretty sure her homely best friend wanted the Brander. Brand is pushing the limits of out right bossness . He is wearing gym shorts over sweatpants , riding a girls bike with training wheels ,  and letting the rich kid think he has upper hand and then boom he wins by locking up billions in old school coins .  Just ballin ' out on every level.

4.  Only stereotypes live in Astoria ( the town where they live). Holy shit did the guy who wrote this hate Asians , Italians, fat people, Hispanics, the mentally handicap and rich kids because every horrible stereo type of these groups is exploited. Think about it  Data had all these inventions on his persons and when we finally meet his native land speaking father... he has a camera attached to him,Jake Frazzle signs shitty Italian songs, Chunk is always eating or crying and even his parents bring him Domino's (You can call it food but you can't call it pizza), the only Spanish person in the whole town is a maid and can't speak english, and the Rich family is full of arrogant dicks who are trying to grab boobs and destroy neighborhoods. This must be hard for you to read because it was hard for me to write. If you couldn't tell.

5.  How did One Eyed Willy actually die? Willy here sets up a billion crazy ass booby traps in the under belly of what I can suspect is Oregon and then you take it easy and die in some swank as part of your boat. I just don't get it  man. Also he died sitting upwards ? How does that happen and why are there so many skeletons around? What happened on that ship ?

6.  Professional explores are dumb. Tito Copperpot  or what ever his name was just died like 5 steps into the cave yet 11 people 8 of them under the age of 18, 3 of them with the I.q just above 22  and one senior citizen were able to get past all this crap while the college boy couldn't get past start. Take that Indiana Jones.

7. Whats the deal between Sloth and Chunk. I get it Mutant and fat kid bffers  for life . But what happened after? Did Chunks parents have the greatest health insurance in the world because with speech therapy, reconstructive surgery, all that dental work and repairing all that damage the Fratelli's did to Sloths mind   shit can't be cheap. Well I guess if they got a fat cut of that Willy pie I guess it would let them get a pretty comprehensive plan.

8.  Finally  there is always an easier way of getting around things.  At the end of the movie they find a fucking hole in the middle of the  rocks where there is an a.t.v patrol just driving around like nothings up, The Fratelli's find the stairs to Willy's gold crawl space while Mikey and the Goonies had to climb up from the bottom and  How did Chunk and Sloth get past the "slick shoes" pipe ? I am 100% certain that the motor oil Data put down was pretty strong and that chamber got flooded. What the Hell!

  "Don't you realize? The next time you see sky, it'll be over another town. The next time you take a test, it'll be in some other school. Our parents, they want the best of stuff for us. But right now, they got to do what's right for them. Because it's their time. Their time! Up there! Down here, it's our time. It's our time down here. That's all over the second we ride up Troy's bucket." "Goonies never say die!" 

   You know I realize I should have had a post of Goonies quotes it probably would have been 100 times better . But ok so I will get back to sports in a few days. I just needed the break and how often is Goonies on T.V without commercials, you can't blame me bro! You can't blame me. 
P.s I don't know why this happening with the fonts. 

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