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Friday, March 9, 2012

Possible title for Hulk Hogan's sex Tape : 3 inch Python Running Wild on some Hulkaslutiac ...Working title

   I am shocked really. I am shaken to my core everything that I hold dear has been destroyed.  My childhood gone , innocence gone , just my perspective on life is turned upside down. See I was going to write a nice little recap of the whole Peyton Manning press conference or how everyone is losing their shit about Kobe, his stupid mask and how no one is making R. Kelly jokes about it  and shit like that but no I can't even comprehend what I heard yesterday. Earth shattering, soul shacking and overall gross.

   Hulk Hogan has a sex tape that is going to hit the world soon.  Ok lets not pretend like we all don't want to see it. I mean yeah it's fucking gross that a dude who is like 60 and has the hue of and Oscar Meyer wiener has a tape where he is railing on some random slut. Don't worry the wrestle references are coming soon.  There are some porn distributers are fighting for the rights of the tape like a sleazy and crab infected Royale Rumble. The Huckster has said that he doesn't remember who the woman was in the tape but thats because after his divorce he hit the club scene and banged out as many sloots as he could wrassel  up until he got married to some huge boob copy of his ex wife. Dude has a type what can I say. Who would be interested in this , who'd buy it? Another thing I hate this term leaked, like it wasn't meant to come out to burn our faces off like the ark .  Hulk is gonna have a wave of popularity for like a month until the video gets sold , maybe he'll get another show out of this. I just hope that the shows plot doesn't involve him creepily stalking his daughter. I mean his new wife looks like his daughter aged 30 years and left in the dryer for too long. Like I said before dude has a type. 

   Now its time for the wrestling references and lose of viewers due to grossness.
    I hope what ever company wins the rights goes all out for this. I am talking intro themes titan tron  videos, maybe through in some side interviews where Hulk gets all crazy and says something like " What you gonna do brothur  when Hulkamania runs wild on your vagina when my 3 inch wrinkly python gets its kick of boner pills  and comes hard on you brother! " .I could just see the chick giving Hulk a few playfully slaps and his eyes bug out because he is so excited with ... I guess Hulkamania starts working her over then gives her an irish whip follow up with the big boot getting hyping up the crowd with the whole ear thing and then hitting the Big Leg for the 123. By 123 I mean railing the shit out of this club slut. I hate to be a bastard by saying  club  slut because that is a negative term but you have to think what self respecting woman would willingly video tape her getting railed by Shep Ramsey? The dude is a card carrying member of the AARP when his stupid reality t.v show. You think him and Nasty Boy Brian Knobbs picked up some FSU sorority girls and had a tornado  tag match. Boogh I just threw up a lot. Who do you think is gonna have the most camera time because that would drastically effect sales. Oh wait I just thought of something what happens if the women is one of those Island of Dr. Moreau monsters that live in South Beach ... since he lives in Florida I don't know if you got that from the FSU slam before.  So just imagine two aging meat sacks in orange spray painted plastic  wrap just jamming into each other with joints popping in and out of place and the sound of old people boning .  But how crazy is it that Hulk could remember the lady he gave the little python to.  He just went on a tailspin of tail, word play, I want to know if you're a women is an  over sized oompaloompa attractive ? There are just so many questions I want to hear answers to. But seriously I will buy this dvd and display it proudly to my zero friends I will have after I buy it if I am a real American is the back round music. Its perfect for porn.  Low and slow to start and then boom Rock 'n roll. Hell even his NWO music will work just as well too. This has so much potential.   

   How much do you want to bet that this photo for the Hulk owning Warrior here has been the most searched image on Google in the past 3 days. I honestly just made my self sick. I think I might become a monk because of that visual. Seriously think about it ...Think about it , with the long bleached blonde halved head of hair flopping around, him  just laying the pipe to this woman who we later find out is either 45 years he's junior or just about your moms age . Let me leave you with one last thought. Brother you can't hide from those 24 inch pythons, with the power of the Hulka maniacs he is going to  fuck your mom. Also if you watch all the clips I put in of his old school promos it's kinda eerie because you could kinda say "yeah a sex tape was definitely coming. I am surprised it has taken this long ." Especially the one where he is talking about Macho Man Randy Savage. Also just imagine having the eyes of the Hulkster  glaring into your soul as he bangs out you Mom or little sister. Oh I have to stop this is getting way out of hand.  This whole thing is messy and sloppy its basically the written equivalent of two bags of aging meat covered in orange spray painted plastic  wrap flopping around moaning and well you know...  I need to take a shower and scrub my eyes. There are some odd photos on Google Images.

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