I am surprised that I had anything left in the tank after writing about how Hulk Hogan's 3 inch python ran wild on some club slut but I am pulling my self together for you guys because thats the type of guy I am I give you the visual of Hulk Hogan getting a blowie and Hulking up by the climax. But when you think you have nothing left in the tank something happens to just fill you up with such energy like a free Shell $500 gas card ( hint-de hint hint ). But there has been some movings done in the NFL that has reenergized me ( What a solid plug right there that warrants a $300 gas card).
Where to start, I guess I should start at the epicenter of every move except for one that was made this week. Peyton Manning was released by the Colts today and every owner with a shitty quarterback started to drool over the possibility of signing the future Hall of Famer to get behind center of their shitty ass team so they could have a chance of making a go of it to the Super Bowl. But who really hod the cards on this one? Is it the owners who will fork over a so much money for a 36 year old quarterback who just missed a full season after having 4 neck surgeries or is it the afore mentioned Peyton Manning description... Well, guess what it's Peyton. He can basically change the entire make up of a franchise for maybe 3 years. Manning will basically take over the entire office thus making the head coach a glorified defensive coordinators. Some of the suitors that came out in the forefront were the Dolphins, Jets, Broncos,Redskins, Cardinals,Chiefs, Titans,Texans and Seahawks. But who will sign him , Oh I don't know all we know right now is that it's not the Jets or the Redskins , the Broncos are acting super desperate , The Seahawks are kind of a joke because it's always shitty out there and dude has played 8 games in a dome since college so having the opportunity to play for Cheatin Pete is really not that golden of a ticket, I doubt he is going to the Titans or the Texans because they have their quarterbacks they want... in limited time Jake Locker showed he is just about ready to play some hard nosed southern style football ...with dipping sauce and the Texans need to keep Matt Schaub off the injury list so they need to focus on building up that offensive line and getting a few guys on defense to have them stay strong on both sides of the ball, The Chiefs don't have the offensive weapons or the money to swing that check around, Peyton has just said he wont go to D.C of New York so they are out of it , so really its just between the Broncos Cards and Fins. the Dolphins need a new Dan Marino but have zero real weapons , same with the Broncos do you really think Willis McGahee could put up another 1,000 yard season or Drays Thomas and Eric Decker are real wide outs ? The best place for Peyton like I said before is AZ. Think about it Peyton Manning throwing to Larry Fitzgerald , Reggie Wayne and Dallas Clark come there on a discount since Clark got hurt all year and Wayne did eel last year. I also do like how I was the first one to start this Peyton to AZ hype. Yo do you think the owner of the Cardinals is a reader ? If so and you sign Peyton I want a first class experience. I want to sit in John MCcain's box so I can hit on his daughter Meghan. Yeah buddy! Thats a whole different post. I'll just say I don't give a shit about her politics or what ever fame whores she might hang out with I just find her attractive.We can talk about what it's like to have a big C and a little c in our last names (it's tough out there) and other shit I guess I mean I don't bring too much to the table except my genius brain and craved from marble body. Also I don't mind being a kept man... Like Nick Cannon , burn take that you hugging bastard... Get well I am serious it's no fun making fun of a guy who is sick.
On a more serious note the Giants cut ties with Brandon Jacobs. He almost revolutionized the running back position. Almost , the big back was looking like the first of many huge running backs that were supposed to fuck up any defense. Sadly he had a few injuries that slowed down his career but he does hold the Giants rushing touchdown record with 56 touchdowns. I like Jacobs, I thought he was a good fit for the Giants. He would crash the line and move the chains but once other teams found out that if they tried going above the belt on him was pretty fucking useless since he would just truck any bitch ass defensive back who thought they can take the big man down. But he'll move on I know that he wont go to the Jets because I don't think he likes Rex Ryan or Dallas he might go to Washington because Daniel Schinder spends money like a Cee Lo's daughter.... I am being told that she was on some show but I made that joke because Cee Lo has madd swag and a ton of 7up. Oh yeah how much fucking swag does teenaged Cee Lo have in this video he is like Steve Weatherford ... Swag for days.
On a less serious note the Jets have thrown away the next 4 years or so down the drain. Once they found out they had no chance in getting Peyton they had such a burning feeling in their pocket they decided to give Mark Sanchez more money. He might "work hard" and do other things well like bang out 18 year olds but he is a terrible quarterback and was exposed as such last season. The Jets need a whole lotta work before they could even think of contending again. By the way Jets fans Eli owns Revis Island he has a Cruz ship go past it every so often to show it his two super bowl rings . Boom Roasted !