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Monday, July 23, 2012

Bucket List and a few Breaking Bad References , looks like shits getting real

    I never thought I'd be writing this type of post but since the Mets have got off the All Star block with enough ... gusto so I figured instead of writing my 3rd consecutive angry, pissing,moaning and just down right unassuming post I figured I'll switch it up and do something out of the norm.

   The reason I came up with this weak premiss for a post is because I got a text from my cousin Mikey who I think is a writer here but anyway he texted me and said that he saw a band and now he can cross it off his bucket list , in return I told him that was weak for a bucket list type of thing. Then I got to thinking " Why do so many people have bucket lists, What should be on My bucket list, Does Morgan Freeman and Jack Nickelson get gratuity from everyone saying they have a bucket list, 'and so on. So I got to thinking on what should be on my bucket list because I live such an exciting life style that maybe I should have a bucket list.

  All right so after much thought here it is My Bucket List

1. Go to Notre Dame university and ask the dean of admissions " Bro What the fuck I am Irish, I kinda look like a bald Jon Favreau  and I can say Notre Dame like Martin Sheen in the Departed where the fuck's my scholarship !" By the Way the Departed was the funniest film of all time

2.  Enter a room everyday for 5 months say to the people inside and say " Well nice of you to show up dipshit "

3. Make an actual Transformer  out of old soda cans and a lawn mower motor and have it go to Michael Bay's house and have it explain why the Transformer movies are  illogical.

4. Ask Morgan Freeman Whats on his bucket list and could meeting me be put on the list and Immeditaly  be taken off and then we High five and become best friends and do cool stuff together like have who has the best Batman voice or since he is the voice of Visa maybe we can go to the Super Bowl together with Michael Cane, Tim Robbins, Helen Mirian  that finless Dolphin from that movie and Stephen Hawkins ... I want to be best friends with Morgan Freeman.

5. I want to rewrite the first book of the Hunger Games and call it the Games. Seriously I am trying to read this fucking book and every God damn chapter this fucking chick is talking about how she'll never  eat when she is being hunted down and then the next page she is eating Rabbits, Beef Jerky and crackers.  How do people think she is a bad ass all she has done is eat, sleep, climb a tree and stumblely cut down a tree branch ? She isn't a bad ass she is just lucky. I have a feeling that I could probably beat everyone in the hunger games with in like 3 days. How I'll just wait till they are all a sleep and kill them then because all I have to do to hide is stay kinda still under a bush. Come on !

6.  Dunk a Basketball on Nate Robinson. What I don't got hops

7. Go to a Dodgers  game  with a sign that says " Don't you wish you still had Paul Konerko?" because someone has to do it and James Loney  is bad.

8. Have a go cart race against Danica Patrick. I don't really want to meet her I just want to win

9. Eat at a Los Pollos Hermanos 

10. Figure out what happened to the History Channel so that it never happens again. Because you if you forget to Remember History Channel your Doomed to repeat history channel.

11. Be Inducted into the Irish Baseball Hall of Fame.  Yes there is an Irish Baseball Hall of Fame its in NYC at Foley's pub. I want my jersey hung from the rafters and the whole works. You know what I will earn it, I will put forth the work necessary to attain such greatness

12. Find a real Umpaloompa. Not just a tiny person painted orange I mean a legit Umpaloompa and he can be my caddy for when I hit the links.

13. Lean how to fence so that I can challenge people to a duel

14. Become the WWE Tag team Champions of the world with a trained Circus Lion named Abe Froman .  And our main rival will be Nic Cage in a bear suit 

15. Buy a tap-out shirt and challenge a nun to a fight because thats what being tough is all about !

16. Romance January Jones for 3 years make her fall head over heals in love with me and then break her heart and when she starts to cry  say " Sky-net has been deactivated" because she is  of a fucking Robot.

17. Try that blue crystal that everyone is talking about.

18. Find the cure to hipsters

19.  Bake a loaf of bread, what I think that is a true talent and I would like  my house to smell of fresh bread instead of fresh farts.

20. Work for Wesley Snipes as his accountant because I can do a better job on my taxes then he does.

21. Go from Stadium to Stadium and go to the local bars and tell the local talent I am that teams mascot and collect my reward... Hugs and probably a lot of hand jobs

22. Help the Lakers land Dwight Howard and then have the people of L.A sign a petition to have him remake Steel ,Kazaam , and form a rap mega group with Brian Scalabrine and Eddie Curry and call it Shaq-Fu 2 and the Champs

23. Write a book called " Your Zombie invasion plan is wrong " have it only be one page and on that one page have it say " Your all going to die with in 3 minutes so just learn the thriller dance moves because that's all you're going to be able to do "... Shit there goes my best seller

24.  Find out who ever coined the phrase "YOLO" and punch them in the face and say " I just YOLO'ed all over your face"

25. Have a friend named Scooter, or have a Spanish nickname... El Taco for "The Sandwich"

26. Write M. Night Shamalan's  retirement letter... With a Twist : Its real ... He  needs to stop

And Finally the Final thing on my Bucket list is

26. Become a Ghostbuster . But not like those deep fired nerds down south with their mom's video camera walking around their local abandon Burlington Coat factory talking to themselves in the dark. But like a real Ghostbuster with the Proton pack , throw a trap , say witty things at the right time and sing Ray Parker Jr's hit song at Yuppie kids Cosby show sweater party.


  Oh yeah and marry my girl Taylor Swift.  You realize she is singing about me right ? Come on bro I am awesome its world wide news I am in the Irish Baseball Hall of Fame

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