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Friday, August 31, 2012

Some how this happened. Well it was just a matter of time after I called Jason Bay the Lindsay Lohan of Basball

  Hello friends , welcome back it's been too long. How have you been ? You look terrible you have bags under your blood shot eyes , you have bitten your nails down to a fleshy scab and your still a Jets fan. Well, I guess I can say good for you way to stick with it. I know how you feel since I am a Mets fan and besides sharing 3 of 4 letters we share the same amount of misery , but luckily I am a Giants fan so my heroic crash into insanity  has been delayed thanks to that Super Bowl run last year. You guys know the Super Bowl ? You know it's that thing you fat mouth coach keeps saying you're going to win every year and you comically fail at? You know when back in 2009 the tried to compare the Jets to the 07 Giants because they got the wild card and played on the road until Peyton Manning ripped up that defense pretty easily after halftime in the AFC Championship game. Then in the next year they go on a revenge tour by breaking Manning's neck and then bitch slapping Tom Brady in his own house only to be taken advantage of in Pittsburg but not by Big Ben but by their offensive coordinator Shotty   or as he is more adoringly know to by Jets fans as Shitty ( wait actually I don't think Jets fans are that clever I mean it did take them over 50 years to come up with J-E-T-S so this might of slipped through the cracks). Look I am not going to repeat anything more about the Jets because they totally shit the bed last year by going 8-8 and imploding all over the place and then unleashing this mess I want to defend Jets fans.

    Yes, thats right I am tired of saying  that the Giants are better then the Jets  even though they are and I am tired of saying that Giants fans are way smarter,cooler, and more attractive then Jets fans because I am super handsome and have been called the voice of the people multiple times. I am here to put my foot down for the down trodden Jets fan because it's not fair that they have to take this crap that Woody Johnson is stuffing in their face. So here we go.

   First thing first with an owner named Woody Johnson (who also owns Johnson & Johnson)you have to expect he is a huge dick. Listen Woodrow or Woodson  stop acting like a child. Just because your neighbor is better at football moves then you doesn't mean you have to run off and try to get the biggest media lighting rod for that year. Because of you , your team has taken 5 steps backwards. People thought Sanchez might have been slacking off last year because he had no pressure  of producing because his back up was Mark "O.G.  Jaguar " Burnell   who hasn't played a real game of football since 1856 so really I get it. But what do you do to test your golden boy ? You get possibly the oddest choice to challenge Sanchez . Tim Tebow   and his best friend Jesus. Which I guess would make Sanchez work a little harder except once you see Tebow   drop back to pass you know right away that there is zero chance he is going to take Sanchez spot , No matter what  the God Squad wants Tebow   will never lead the Jets to more then 3 wins? Where the no quarterbacks out there that he could have brought in at a one year deal to give Sanchez the sweats during training camp ? Woody has such a thin skin that he does what ever the New York media says he should do.  Look at the last few years. Farve  , Plax  and Tebow  ? The only move I really see as a solid football move is Plax because a 6'5 receiver who can jump over any corner back is a young quarterbacks best friend. But Woody doesn't have Mark's back... These are the days I wish the Jets drafted Andy Dalton. Mother Fucking Toy Story jokes through the ass.

    But the Jets problems are not All Sanchez's fault frankly if the real problem trusted Sanchez the Jets could have played the Packers in the Super Bowl. Yeah boom there it is. Rex Ryan is one of the major problems. You see Rex is a one dimensional coach, he only cares about his defense and  is to overly reliant on his O-coordinator to control the other side of the ball.  I honestly think he likes having a terrible offense  so that his defense looks so good by comparison. Like a semi hot girl with two fat friends. If Rex knew how to be a real head coach there would be no way in hell Wayne Hunter would have played after his first 50 sacks given up. But for some reason he left him in because he was Shotty's  dude and Sanchez got destroyed by low level defensive tackles and absolutely demolished by elite level guys. Not only is Rex really bad at looking at two pages he is really bad at being a disciplinarian. Just because he shouts, curses and licks toes doesn't make him that task master that will gain the respect of his players. He holds no one accountable for their actions and yes I get it is good for morale to have your players mix it up once and awhile maybe call Tom Brady a girl or maybe let the world know that Ray Lewis's favorite Disney princess is Ariel  what ever gets the team going is cool but thats like a last ditch effort after your thursday practice was a colossal failure. And when you don't hold your players accountable for their shitty attitude or whatever they do and but up a stink they will carry those bad habits into the game.

     Finally the last thing the Jets need to become a successful team is their own stadium. I am not just saying this because I am a Giants fan and I hate the idea of buying personal seating licenses for $5,000 a piece plus tickets and parking while some other clown owns the same seat that I do.  I mean they need a place where they belong where its without a question theirs. This is not fair to the Jets organization and to their fans. It cannot be the greatest feeling walking out of the locker room and seeing only one Jets Super Bowl Banner and 4 Super Bowl banners for the Giants. They need a place with their personality can be put on display. Look at Yankees Stadium compared to Citi  field or those other places that have more then two teams. Each stadium relates to the team in some way . Yankee stadium is just a museum with a baseball field inside of it while Citi  field is trying really hard to make you forget the Mets are playing. Be that as it may I feel the Jets have this us against the world attitude and they need a place where they can express it. They need a place where the stands are closer to the field so that the Jets Fans can make the opposing team feel like they are all alone in enemy territory. I haven't been but I have heard that Metlife  stadium is too big so it takes a lot for fans to get into players heads. They almost had the West side stadium which would have been huge but somethings didn't work out in their favor.

   The Jets fans deserve better then what they have gotten in the past few decades. It's not right and really it's not fair. I don't understand why this team cannot put it together. In a league of copy cats the Jets are always the ones who are the last to pick up the current trend. The Jets can't say they don't have money to get the best player available because they have thrown money at players before so really it has to be the guys who pull the strings. Woody and Mr.T are not football guys and it shows with this past offseason. They want to be a ground and pound team but who are their running backs Shone Greene and Joe McKnight. If you want to ground and pound successfully you need at least 3 backs one to move the chains, one to go side to side and one to fight for that final yard. They could have given Peyton Hillis  a call ,still make the move for Tebow .
    They need to surround Mark and Rex with weapons not with what they have. Lets look at the last few Super Bowl champs in the Rex Ryan era. Giants: a 3 headed running attack along with a big front on the D-line, a strong offensive line that played a bunch of games with each other in a row and Plax, Saints: Who here who plays fantasy football hasn't cursed out Drew Brees because you picked up his #1 guy from the week before all to find out that he has moved on to like 80 different targets and a strong offensive line, Packers : Not the greatest running backs or the most intimidating wide out (size wise) in the game but they have a mobile Qb  who can make anything happen, a strong offensive line and guys who would play in Green Bay in January with a smile on their face, Giants again : Finally trusting their Qb in the passing game and letting him control the offense, pretty shitty offensive line( did you see that San Fran game Eli's jersey was brown by the 13 minute mark of the first quarter) and of course defense. So What have the Jets taken from these past champs?  They have a strong defense and they had Plax for like a minute.
  Haven't the Jets fans suffered enough ? The brass needs to fill the roster with players who want to do more then just win. They need to build up the line so that Sanchez can become that franchise guy they hoped for, so the ground and pound can go more then 5 feet and they need to invest in their fans. Jets fans are a strange brew to say the least but they are more intense and more intimidating then Laron  Landry's image search . You show the Jets fans something better then Tim Tebow  and 5th round picks.

   The Jets are a good team. Frankly they could be better then the Pats if they knew what they had and knew how to get the most out of it. They said this year they want to be a ground and pound team where they run maybe about 70% of the time and barely let Mark throw the ball and work in the Wild Cat which stopped being effective in 2009. Let the kid play his game Mark threw just as many touchdowns as some elite level Qbs   last year but gets a bad rap because how the season ended. I hope that since they traded Hunter for a former 2nd round pick , maybe they will scoop up a wide out who can help on the edges so that it can ease up the coverage on Holmes and Keller and maybe Rex will get the hint that he has to have control of his team. Everyone wants to compare Mark to Eli because this was the year that Eli won his first super bowl and that is such a terrible idea, everyone media,coaches,and fans have to let Mark be Mark. So if that means throwing 8 yard curl routes and being one of the better play action quarterbacks  let him do it.

    Lets Go Giants.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Jason Bay is the Lindsay Lohan of Baseball ... Yeah It's come to this


    Looks like it's the Dog Days once again here at the Phantom. Look I am sorry I am spread thin with 2 jobs and homely duties ( by which I mean drinking and hitting on girls who have zero interest in me ) but even through all my bad luck there is still one guy this summer who can honestly say he is having a worse couple of years then me. Fan favorite and friend of the show, Jason Bay... I have no clue if he reads the blog but I am pretty sure he doesn't. Now I will take some of the blame by not writing about him sooner because we could have really put my theory of the "Phantom Spotlight " through the ringer. If anyone needs a glimmer of light from the Star maker it is Jason Bay

    I like Jason Bay he is taking this surprisingly well. I mean the man is hated in all five boroughs 2 counties and I think people wear his jersey ironically because they are assholes.  Even though his bat has yet to show up Bay has played a strong defensive left field and it's not like the Mets have had a star left fielder since Cliff "Ham and Cheese" Floyd. So who are we really comparing him to ? Maybe we are comparing Bay to Bay in Boston or Bay in Pittsburgh or maybe the immortal Endy Chavez either way Mets fans have set up a standard that Bay was maybe not ready for . Which thinking about it doesn't make sense because if you say "Oh Citi  Field is to big" Pittsburgh is enormous, "Oh he can't handle the spot light " he took over for Manny up in Boston during their pre Valentine beer in the club house wild west eat fried chicken and watch porn with Ben Affleck or what ever they do up in Boston when Tito was driving the ship, so what is it? Why can't Jason be Jason Bay here ? I think I know why and the only thing I pull out of the wreck I am about to write down is A.J. Burnett . 

   Think about it A.J gets like a few hundred miles between him and the Boogie down and he is a Cy Young 14-15 game winner and is looking to break the streak for the Bucos  . The reason is there is no pressure in Pittsburgh. If you win you're a hero and you're swimming in the Steelers and Penguins cheerleader talent pool and life is good but if you fail it doesn't really matter because the people of the steel city see Pittsburgh like Cheeseburger helper anyway so anything they get out of it is like a welcome pat on the back. You're not asked to be Roberto Clemente when you play for the Pirates , all your asked to do is hit about .140 and not say the Astros have a stand up organization and that is it so he was just swinging free and easy. I mean look at the roster and imagine your self in that line up with the front office saying " Lets not lose 140 this year boys," I'd fucking rake. Once you go dead inside about winning you'll just go out every day and get yours . 

    When he went up to Boston in 2008-2009 he was like the 7th best player on the team. I recently watched the 30 for 30 documentary on the 2004 ALCS ( I just want to say this : Boston fans will waste zero time telling you what they were doing or what they feeling or what the think of 2004 ) and they mentioned Derek Lowe who won game 7 after going like 7 strong innings against the Yankees and he was like hero #23 on that team because everyone on that team all came up big during the series. But when Bay got to Boston he was taking over for Manny who is a character and who was going through the Red Sox Smear machine because he may or may not have pushed a club house guy over tickets. Why would he do that A. he won  2 world seriesazes  (? ) For a town that worships multi winners ( Brady, Bird, Russell, Yaz  and Williams the last two didn't win squat but you get my point, They like their stars) so finding tickets for his 3rd cousin wouldn't be too hard and 2? He is a fucking millionaire I think he could go on Stubhub  or what ever and buy like 3 tickets by the hot dog stand so why would he push a guy down? So when Bay took his place in Left field he was behind Elsbury , Pedoria  , Youk , Papi , J. D, and TeK so really what the fuck was he gonna do demand the spot light. Fuck that he just kept his shit to himself and hacked in the glorified little league field that Fenway park and making it really hard for Carl Crawford to get some love. 

   In 2009 he took his talents to Flushing  when everyone thought the Mets were going to sign Matt Holiday or finally let the highly touted Fernando Martinez take his spot in left. But no locking up Day for 4 years around 66 million and then what happened? The economic collapse so this being the last move by a team that will be the poster child for the Madoff scandal so he was forced into a very angry spotlight that he wasn't ready for. Granted he is a professional hitter and should be able to deal with any type of adversity but when you are used to just doing your  thing with very little scrutiny for like 8 years and coming to every year we have a chance even though we are starting guys like Marlon Anderson, Fernando Tatis ,Kaz Matusi , Robinson Cancel ,Luis Castillo and Oliver Perez . Bay took over when Frustration of 2 collapses and a finical meltdown that had people wondering what will happen with the Mets meets an over paid player who under preformed in his first few games. Right now Bay stands as really the #3 big name guy on the team right after Wright and Santana and that might be too much for him. But I have faith that he could turn it around, he is coming up to a walk year so that could be interesting. 

   I feel like Jason Bay is like Lindsay Lohan. I think I might be the first and only person to make that comparison. Let me explain, when he was in Pittsburgh and crushing bombs and playing at an All star level he was Lohan Freaky Friday and that Teenage Drama Queen movie ( I have an Imdb  window open up on the side ) so at this point everyone was like "Yo how old is Lindsay Lohan ? Oh she is 16/17 eeerr  so close dude " Then when he went up to Boston  that was Mean Girls, entering what looked like a long stay at the top of her game. Just pretty much the perfect girl. She was cute enough to bring home to mom and  had an edge to her that you can go to the bar and raise some hell and possible see a lot of boob. So when the first year he signed with the Mets we started to see some cracks on the foundations. His swing isn't as fast as it was the years before and he kept getting hurt was like when Lindsay went all crack head on us and turning into a zombie , everyone taking pot shots at her because she was crashing into every stop sign in L.An and all you can say is "What happened to that large chested red hair chick from Mean Girls who haunted my dreams for 2 years , why is she looking like every blonde shell ? Is nothing sacred !". Then in 2010  you start to see some life in his bat he is playing great defense, getting walk offs and you almost didn't whence when he came up to the plate which is when LO got a lil thick died her hair black and just oozed sex and self tanner . And you're thinking like " All right things are about to turn around and get back to the hay day ... Who the fuck is this Lucas Duda  guy and why is his last name sound so funny ". Then Linds  starts dating a Bio class skeleton how might be a girl who likes wear fedoras and is a dj   and becomes a fucking shell thats covered in dirt ,cocaine and broken glass. Linds  goes to jail and Bay ends the season in a slump. Now its  2012 and what are we thinking , Lindsay looking like a 45 year old cougar you still has it  and Jason looks like a 19 year old who has never played baseball before and is just so unhappy it makes you feel bad you're booing him. But If Lindsay Lohan can attempt a come back and bat .270 with 15 homers and 66 rbis I am all for it. Don't act like you never watched Mean Girls lets not pretend to be super cool Macho Man Randy Savage we all watched it and enjoyed it and we all have the Dvd and watched the gag reel and we laughed because it looked like a fun set to work on...  I need a life  .... I think I am going to watch Mean Girls later .... This is where we are right now, we will get to the Lindsay that is running around with here tits out for a movie next year... Hopefully  

     Look Jason Bay is apparently a good human being and with the fact he is not going out there after every 0 for 4 and blaming Joe Fuckface  sitting on the field level because he booed him. No, the dude takes his lumps and goes back to work everyday and tries his as hard as he can. Jason Bay will never be what we as Mets fans hoped for because lets face it our eyes and mouths are bigger then our stomachs. And for me to be all Rah Rah for a guy who make 65.80 million dollars more then me  is hypocritical . But I am going to support him because he plays on my favorite team and I want to see him do well. Mets fans are a whole different bag of cats on themselves ( How can you be mad about Citi  Field ? It's fucking beautiful you can actually see things and move around. If you are so worried about your taxes maybe you should be on Obama's side when he wants to take 20% from the 1%) .Lets just hope that the Mets can string together a few more wins maybe end a game over .500 and we can all have a merry Chuan-kwnaz-mas  or whatever. 

   If you made it this far I would like to let you in on a secret this post was written after a long day. I started writing after I walked in the door at 11:30 p and I was spilt in my interest because my dad had a show about bees on and I was shouting at the mad men on the T.V because they were all cool as shit when Killer Bees stung their fucking face! how bat shit is that man. But I digress I am tried so I apologize.