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Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Jason Bay is the Lindsay Lohan of Baseball ... Yeah It's come to this


    Looks like it's the Dog Days once again here at the Phantom. Look I am sorry I am spread thin with 2 jobs and homely duties ( by which I mean drinking and hitting on girls who have zero interest in me ) but even through all my bad luck there is still one guy this summer who can honestly say he is having a worse couple of years then me. Fan favorite and friend of the show, Jason Bay... I have no clue if he reads the blog but I am pretty sure he doesn't. Now I will take some of the blame by not writing about him sooner because we could have really put my theory of the "Phantom Spotlight " through the ringer. If anyone needs a glimmer of light from the Star maker it is Jason Bay

    I like Jason Bay he is taking this surprisingly well. I mean the man is hated in all five boroughs 2 counties and I think people wear his jersey ironically because they are assholes.  Even though his bat has yet to show up Bay has played a strong defensive left field and it's not like the Mets have had a star left fielder since Cliff "Ham and Cheese" Floyd. So who are we really comparing him to ? Maybe we are comparing Bay to Bay in Boston or Bay in Pittsburgh or maybe the immortal Endy Chavez either way Mets fans have set up a standard that Bay was maybe not ready for . Which thinking about it doesn't make sense because if you say "Oh Citi  Field is to big" Pittsburgh is enormous, "Oh he can't handle the spot light " he took over for Manny up in Boston during their pre Valentine beer in the club house wild west eat fried chicken and watch porn with Ben Affleck or what ever they do up in Boston when Tito was driving the ship, so what is it? Why can't Jason be Jason Bay here ? I think I know why and the only thing I pull out of the wreck I am about to write down is A.J. Burnett . 

   Think about it A.J gets like a few hundred miles between him and the Boogie down and he is a Cy Young 14-15 game winner and is looking to break the streak for the Bucos  . The reason is there is no pressure in Pittsburgh. If you win you're a hero and you're swimming in the Steelers and Penguins cheerleader talent pool and life is good but if you fail it doesn't really matter because the people of the steel city see Pittsburgh like Cheeseburger helper anyway so anything they get out of it is like a welcome pat on the back. You're not asked to be Roberto Clemente when you play for the Pirates , all your asked to do is hit about .140 and not say the Astros have a stand up organization and that is it so he was just swinging free and easy. I mean look at the roster and imagine your self in that line up with the front office saying " Lets not lose 140 this year boys," I'd fucking rake. Once you go dead inside about winning you'll just go out every day and get yours . 

    When he went up to Boston in 2008-2009 he was like the 7th best player on the team. I recently watched the 30 for 30 documentary on the 2004 ALCS ( I just want to say this : Boston fans will waste zero time telling you what they were doing or what they feeling or what the think of 2004 ) and they mentioned Derek Lowe who won game 7 after going like 7 strong innings against the Yankees and he was like hero #23 on that team because everyone on that team all came up big during the series. But when Bay got to Boston he was taking over for Manny who is a character and who was going through the Red Sox Smear machine because he may or may not have pushed a club house guy over tickets. Why would he do that A. he won  2 world seriesazes  (? ) For a town that worships multi winners ( Brady, Bird, Russell, Yaz  and Williams the last two didn't win squat but you get my point, They like their stars) so finding tickets for his 3rd cousin wouldn't be too hard and 2? He is a fucking millionaire I think he could go on Stubhub  or what ever and buy like 3 tickets by the hot dog stand so why would he push a guy down? So when Bay took his place in Left field he was behind Elsbury , Pedoria  , Youk , Papi , J. D, and TeK so really what the fuck was he gonna do demand the spot light. Fuck that he just kept his shit to himself and hacked in the glorified little league field that Fenway park and making it really hard for Carl Crawford to get some love. 

   In 2009 he took his talents to Flushing  when everyone thought the Mets were going to sign Matt Holiday or finally let the highly touted Fernando Martinez take his spot in left. But no locking up Day for 4 years around 66 million and then what happened? The economic collapse so this being the last move by a team that will be the poster child for the Madoff scandal so he was forced into a very angry spotlight that he wasn't ready for. Granted he is a professional hitter and should be able to deal with any type of adversity but when you are used to just doing your  thing with very little scrutiny for like 8 years and coming to every year we have a chance even though we are starting guys like Marlon Anderson, Fernando Tatis ,Kaz Matusi , Robinson Cancel ,Luis Castillo and Oliver Perez . Bay took over when Frustration of 2 collapses and a finical meltdown that had people wondering what will happen with the Mets meets an over paid player who under preformed in his first few games. Right now Bay stands as really the #3 big name guy on the team right after Wright and Santana and that might be too much for him. But I have faith that he could turn it around, he is coming up to a walk year so that could be interesting. 

   I feel like Jason Bay is like Lindsay Lohan. I think I might be the first and only person to make that comparison. Let me explain, when he was in Pittsburgh and crushing bombs and playing at an All star level he was Lohan Freaky Friday and that Teenage Drama Queen movie ( I have an Imdb  window open up on the side ) so at this point everyone was like "Yo how old is Lindsay Lohan ? Oh she is 16/17 eeerr  so close dude " Then when he went up to Boston  that was Mean Girls, entering what looked like a long stay at the top of her game. Just pretty much the perfect girl. She was cute enough to bring home to mom and  had an edge to her that you can go to the bar and raise some hell and possible see a lot of boob. So when the first year he signed with the Mets we started to see some cracks on the foundations. His swing isn't as fast as it was the years before and he kept getting hurt was like when Lindsay went all crack head on us and turning into a zombie , everyone taking pot shots at her because she was crashing into every stop sign in L.An and all you can say is "What happened to that large chested red hair chick from Mean Girls who haunted my dreams for 2 years , why is she looking like every blonde shell ? Is nothing sacred !". Then in 2010  you start to see some life in his bat he is playing great defense, getting walk offs and you almost didn't whence when he came up to the plate which is when LO got a lil thick died her hair black and just oozed sex and self tanner . And you're thinking like " All right things are about to turn around and get back to the hay day ... Who the fuck is this Lucas Duda  guy and why is his last name sound so funny ". Then Linds  starts dating a Bio class skeleton how might be a girl who likes wear fedoras and is a dj   and becomes a fucking shell thats covered in dirt ,cocaine and broken glass. Linds  goes to jail and Bay ends the season in a slump. Now its  2012 and what are we thinking , Lindsay looking like a 45 year old cougar you still has it  and Jason looks like a 19 year old who has never played baseball before and is just so unhappy it makes you feel bad you're booing him. But If Lindsay Lohan can attempt a come back and bat .270 with 15 homers and 66 rbis I am all for it. Don't act like you never watched Mean Girls lets not pretend to be super cool Macho Man Randy Savage we all watched it and enjoyed it and we all have the Dvd and watched the gag reel and we laughed because it looked like a fun set to work on...  I need a life  .... I think I am going to watch Mean Girls later .... This is where we are right now, we will get to the Lindsay that is running around with here tits out for a movie next year... Hopefully  

     Look Jason Bay is apparently a good human being and with the fact he is not going out there after every 0 for 4 and blaming Joe Fuckface  sitting on the field level because he booed him. No, the dude takes his lumps and goes back to work everyday and tries his as hard as he can. Jason Bay will never be what we as Mets fans hoped for because lets face it our eyes and mouths are bigger then our stomachs. And for me to be all Rah Rah for a guy who make 65.80 million dollars more then me  is hypocritical . But I am going to support him because he plays on my favorite team and I want to see him do well. Mets fans are a whole different bag of cats on themselves ( How can you be mad about Citi  Field ? It's fucking beautiful you can actually see things and move around. If you are so worried about your taxes maybe you should be on Obama's side when he wants to take 20% from the 1%) .Lets just hope that the Mets can string together a few more wins maybe end a game over .500 and we can all have a merry Chuan-kwnaz-mas  or whatever. 

   If you made it this far I would like to let you in on a secret this post was written after a long day. I started writing after I walked in the door at 11:30 p and I was spilt in my interest because my dad had a show about bees on and I was shouting at the mad men on the T.V because they were all cool as shit when Killer Bees stung their fucking face! how bat shit is that man. But I digress I am tried so I apologize. 

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