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Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Hall of fame ... More like Hall of Shame or Hall of Game or Hall of Justice ? I don't know this ballot is messed up

 Hey everyone , how was your holiday season? Good I hope ... actually I don't give a shit about what you did like how you don't give a shit about what I did. That's what makes our relationship so strong and everlasting.  So I haven't done this thing in a few days or weeks, well since before New Year's Eve. Which has lost a lot of its luster in my mind?.   This is for older people , remember the first few NYEs after you turned 21 and life was good. But unless you are always going to a different place every year its pretty much the same thing. Bunch of drinks before midnight, a quick motor skill test, and then getting blacked out.

  I don't want to write about what a bummer drinking holidays are these days. I want to talk about the up coming Baseball Hall of Fame vote that is coming up. The 2013 baseball vote has been the most talked about and the least cared about induction ever.  Everyone has their own feelings about the steroid era and anyone who said that they hated this era  is lying to themselves and should not be trusted. The Steroid era  gave new life to baseball and changed the game to what we have today. You think back in 1962 shortstops were crushing 20 home runs a year? And I know a lot of you are think 20 home runs by a short stop is not a lot but I ask you to remember that not too long ago short stops used to hit .260 with 1-5 home runs and would just be there for defense and speed.  After the strike in 1994 and the 1995 season baseball needed to get back in the good graces of the American public because lets face it. Baseball is a great game when you know how it's played and you can enjoy all the small things but lets face it a lot of people and I mean  a lot of people only want to see three things Home Runs, Prefect games and Walk Off Home runs. Since it's easier to hit a bunch of dingers  then put down 27 monsters with sticks people flocked back to baseball in 98.... Oh fuck this you want history watch Ken Burns Baseball , I anit  got all night and you don't really want a history lesson. The point of this post is to give my ballot for the hall and maybe a few witty lines.... Seriously watch it, its pretty awesome.

1. Mike Piazza - The all time home run leader for catchers, thousand something rbis, and around 2,000 hits. Also he hit the most American of home runs. I think that should seal the deal. Ok I might be biased because #31 played for my Mets and was my mothers favorite player. But he earned it, being drafted as a favor in the 100000000000000th round by the Dodgers back in the late 80's as a favor and because Tommy Lassoed  loved his sweet sweet mustache that isn't gay at all. Let Mike he caught a ton of games and when he started to break down in his mid to late 30's it proved he wasn't on the juice because playing over 150 games in the cold and heat behind the plate taking a beating before running into the catcher was deemed a no no  after Buster Poesy got run over two years ago.  Piazza was tough and Piazza was the face of two franchise.... The Mets and Marlins.   That was one glorious day.

2. Craig Biggio  - The scrapper from Smithtown LI . STRONG IZLAND IN DA HOUSE. Actually Smithtown  is a very nice town with a lot of trees ,white people, and baseball.  But Biggio  has 3,000 hits and that's it. He played all his years with Astros which on its  own is pretty impressive. Only one World Series appearance and being the ultimate  game moving from catcher to second base to center field back to second base with no crying. Oh yeah he also is the Major league leader in getting hit by a pitch.

3. That dude who jumped from space - He Jumped from space! What did you do Ken Rosenthal? Wear a bow tie on national T.V without irony. He's in the big leagues and you're scraping around in rookie ball.

4. The cookie Crisp burglar guy - I was in the old food shoppe a few days back and I wondered down the cereal  isle and taking a look at all the sugary based cereals that I once devoured. I picked up  one of my favorite cookie based cereals and they changed the character to some sort of dingo. Needless to say I am boycotting Cookie Crips  ... even though I haven't had it in 15 years . The Boycott continues!( Start the clip at 1:44)

5. Derek Jeter's magical condoms - He either sold his soul to the devil or cut his life line but how does a guy who is probably on pace to break the all time record set by Wilt the pipe layer Stilt Chamberlain of 20,000 women go with out making a child?  The man has to be magic or something. Seriously if you don't live in the NY area and you want to know the effect of DJ3k on the ladies.   Ok take the coolest most smoothest cat in the world : Ernie Hudson and multiply him by 45,000. Lesser athletes have been shackled down with baby momma's and paternity tests. Jeets   has to be some sort of deviant but since he probably has a night club in his house so his deviantness stays in the dark. I figure the dwarf that made his protection had to of made Thor's hammer.

6. Barry Bonds - he did hit the most home runs ever. But he is not as high as the guy who jumped from space.

7. The people who shoot food commercials — those devils make eating at Applebee's  good. With what they do with playdogh is on par with what Picasso did with finger paints.

Finally #8 Me - I think I deserve it  because if I have to hear how John Haymen , Ken Rosenthal  and Chris"Mad Douche" Russo are respected baseball minds then I might be the best of them all. Look I know I am wrong a lot of the time but I don't have the sources they do so when I am right about trades or line up moves or how disappointing Spiderman was I  feel I should be acknowledged with a plaque of my likeness. If you want to throw stats out there how about this 3 fantasy football championships,a .600 hitter in softball and I have over 500 votes for the MLB All Star game ( they allow you to write yourself in how awesome is that). That means something right? Bob Costas would agree with me so fuck off.

Yeah I think 8 is enough . It's 2 am . As you can tell this sucks but I needed to get it out there. I've made my case and tomorrow we will see how the votes tally. Like always if I mention Derek Jeter I have to throw a photo Minka Kelly in here somewhere.

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